I gave you life; you came from inside me,
Even though you began with a little of him and me, I sustained you
You literally lived off me
You grew up on the gist of what I consumed
You were tied to me with an undeniable chord
Without me you could not exist
You were a part of me, an inextricable part of me
I could have cut off your life – I held the power
Nevertheless, I am mere human with a soft spot.

You grew larger and I grew,
I developed as you did,
I felt you inside of me
No one will know the satisfaction of being filled up like that,
Or perhaps it’s the secret that women hold
Your life in mine, Your body in mine
No one can get closer than that.

Then the day came when you didn’t need me anymore
You were strong and brave and you wanted to sustain your own
You came out, You breathed on your own, You ate on your own
You bear resemblance of him and me
The physical chord was cut
But why oh why do I still feel your tug,
Every time you cry, you laugh, you crawl, you walk, you run,
You play, you go out, you vacation with friends, you leave home,
You date, you get married,
I still feel you inside me
Moving, filling me up and still tugging all the time….

As I stare at the murals on the walls of the cave,
That reflect the history of the gods and goddesses,
I can’t help but wonder about my history.
I feel a lifetime has passed me by…

I have done many things I could be proud of but yet
There’s always an abyss of things I should be doing.
My journeys far and wide only remind me that
I am but a speck in this world and yet in the present
Emotions trap me in this dimly lighted cave.

Was it the same for the immortals on the walls?
Like them, will I have a story to tell,
Of ancient wars and love pursuits?
Or will mine be one of quiet battles and distant affairs?
As I gaze at the gods in silent wonder, I ask myself,
Was I better yesterday or Is Tomorrow My only Hope?

The answer, I realized then, was staring me in the face,
Yesterday is hard and engraved, no one can change it
But,Tomorrow, is like an empty space on the wall of the cave,
I, like the Gods, have the power to design it.

The Sea is always in front of me and my Heart steadily grows weary.
Vithanage is nowhere to be found.
I often sit silently just watching the horizon wishing and hoping.
Just a mirage of Vithanage would have been enough to revive my dying soul,
My soul is dying, my body feels nothing.

I left my heart at sea with Vithanage and now it is lost forever,
The big wave that came, washed away my love with my heart in its fold,
The Sea, I will never forgive her,
I was happy with my Vithanage
but she couldn’t bear to see the happiness in my face,
She took away all that was mine, my love, my life, my land.

All I see is water in front of me but my love’s nowhere in sight,
I am waiting for the next big wave,
When it comes, I shall throw myself into her arms and join my Vithanage,
Then, we will be one and the Sea cannot separate us,
My heart belongs to Vithanage and only there shall I find my rest.



*(In memory of the Tsunami that hit Sri Lanka)

In my moment of sheer desperation,
I sold my soul to the devil.

All at once my life took a 180 degrees turn;
I won the 4D for RM10,000.00,
I got the writing job I’ve always wanted,
I found the man of my dreams,
My company landed a million dollar deal,
I was bubbling over, embellishing the happiness I have not felt before.

Then, one day the devil came to see me,
Payback time apparently,
He asked me if I would like to pay back all that he gave me or
Would I like to buy back my soul,
I told him I would be happy to buy back my soul.

In the devil’s world, payback is easy.
A soul for a soul, a  life for a life.
So whose soul would I want to trade- in?
My soulmate…no too painful,
My dying cat…no cats don’t have souls
My ex …..mmmm perfect.

So that’s what I did that fateful night,
The devil came and I redeemed back my soul with the soul of the ex…
Since then, I am still embellishing in the happiness,
While someone, somewhere cries over the death of a dear one,
Oh wait a minute, she’s actually rejoicing…high insurance benefits!

And so it was, in my moment of sheer desperation,
When I sold my soul to the devil.

When leaves turn red and days get colder
And the night gets longer
I know that you are drawing near

I await your presence with open arms
I lie awake with open eyes
I count the stars in the skies
And wish upon every shooting star

The days are bright and sunny
The nights are cold and balmy
Your presence is soothing and healing
And I find my tense self relaxing

Autumn is finally here, but wait!
It’s slowly fading away
I dislike the cold that winter brings
Can your warmth linger a little while longer
And turn my blue heart red

But sometimes even as I sit here, I wonder
Whose wait is more eager
Me waiting for autumn or
Autumn’s return to wait for me.

Come In My Son! Come In My Son!
That’s all I hear, morning, afternoon, night
Sometimes I step out just to test if she’s watching
There it’ll be, “Come in my son!”
I can’t help it, my best friend Malik, lives across the road
Not even a road, just a dirt path.

“Bombs will drop on your head or
The white soldiers will carry you away!”
Ha!Ha! That’s what she says to stop me from going
They don’t look scary, They’re always laughing on television

I’m not scared, my brothers have gone to join the army
And so will I, when I’m older
I will shoot the enemy, I’m not scared.

Like every other day, today
I crept out my door,
I could hear, “Come in my son!” but I did not bother
As I saw Malik, I ran to play catch with him
A sudden blast made us turn and look at my house
It was no more
The roof had fallen in, half standing walls
Amidst dust and smoke
And the sound of a jet plane flying by

The whole row in front of us was gone
Except for Malik’s house and the place we stood
I can still hear my mother’s voice
“Come in my son” she always said.

I stole a kiss when you were not lookingI’m sure you didn’t mindYour lips looked so temptingMine refused to declineBy now you probably know it was meWho was watching you all the whileAnd not the cat across the hallwayWhich you thought looked like mine‘Coz when you looked up and saw my faceYour eyes lit up and your yawn became a smileAnd I knew then that I did the right thingWhen I refused to board Train No. 29.

They say love is intangible, I don’t think so,
I see it in the way lovers hold hands,
as if a second of being apart would erase eternity
I see love in the eyes of mothers when they are holding their babies
I see it in the way fathers protect their children
I see love when I see the way you look at me through your glasses
with the blue green eyes
I see love when you go out of your way to buy a pair of jeans for me, that fits
I see love when my best friend buys me a flight ticket so I can go see his new car
I see love when someone I barely know buys me flowers
I see love every time you hug me and wish me well
I see love when you rush to me saying, “Teacher! Teacher!”
and tell me about the things that have made you sad
I see love when you buy me lunch when I am hungry during the fasting month
I see love when you kiss my feet after making love to me
in the most sensuous ways possible
So, when they say love is intangible, I don’t think so
I see it in all the million ways you love me
I hold it in my hands, in my heart, in my mind, in my being
I hold love when I hold You
I see love when I see You
So, No, to me,
LOVE is ………….


shaqila
22/12/2005

A kiss entwines the souls of two
A kiss says I love you
A kiss brings two people together
A kiss says no matter, whatever
A kiss binds friendships forever
A kiss says I’ll be back, whenever
A kiss creates the longing of two
who have traveled together
the journey of life and demands that
the lips that kissed shall, no, MUST
embrace each other once more..

By shaqila
December 2001