is where the coffee is.

that musty,
musky smell.
that scent of reminder
of our short past
made longer.
I could've been what you wanted
your touch,
it was my comfort.
but I couldn't stomach
my guilt
I couldn't handle
the feels
I couldn't.
Could not.
because I didn't know what I wanted
but I know what i didn't want.
and I didn't want to fall short
dragging you down with
me.

I'm caught in this tesseract
And I've never understood
Why I box myself up.
These thoughts
Like lightening
Penetrate my skull
And I was always told to
"Let it go"
But how long do I go
Before the thoughts fall
And I catch them again?

Its ten pm
and the lights are so much brighter
the roads feel so much longer
and every figure
is moving.
I'm not going crazy
the dark just does crazy things
to your mind
when you're lost in thought
on the highway.
and the streetlights
don't seem quite bright enough.
not yet.
don't know when.
but all I know is
I need to find my way home.

It started with a fence hinged with a friendly door
And your kind smile and hope filled eyes
For me to drop my tools
Take a break and invite you in for
Tea and coffee.
I shared with you my dreams
Engraved in my binded vessels
And I cocked my head happily
As I listened to your words
Pierce through my heart
Like such a graceful blade
Of pure comfort.

Oh how I miss that fence
You made it so easy
So easy
To open up.
Now it's locked shut
And I don't know where I lost
That key.

All roads lead to home,
So I left my car doors open,
And said you could come along.

All signs lead to light.
So I drew you maps
And said lead the way.

All oceans lead to land.
So I built you a boat
And you casted the sails.

And them you told me no.
That you would find your own home.
You tore my maps, and smashed my sails.

Left me unwanted.
And now you feel the *same

I'm sorry
I wasn't the soft ground
At the bottom
Of the hard world
You fell on.