Wow, what a site
My own personal hell
To log onto's impossible
When you've got nothing to tell
You feel stupid for just checking
To see if they've noticed you, you guess
And when they haven't you feel down
Never saying "Is it my fault yet?

I once talked to this person
A long time ago
I found something deep inside of him
I found myself a home

I wish that I could tell him
All that he told me
I want to throw it in his face
To hurt him, don't you see?

I want to be mysterious
Like he claimed he was
I want to have the last word
I want it, just because

Because he always gets the last say
His word always counts
My word tastes like ****
Just coming out of my mouth

It isn't fair, I love him
That's what I think at least
I try to tell myself it's not real
That I don't care what he thinks

But I spill everything before him
Just as he walks away
He ignores all of the signs
Because it doesn't matter what I say

They tell me I need God
That Jesus is my friend
That, at the rate I'm going
I'll have no one in the end

They tell me I should pray
That my life is in His hands
That if I don't apologize
I'll never understand

How to be truly happy
Though I am, can you not see?
I do not need Jesus
And he does not need me

So many opportunities
Are missed by those
Who find reality more relaxing
Than the dreams they've had
For so many year

I never noticed the beauty that resides in the light until I made it dark and reached out to touch the fingers extended to help me
I then turned the lights back on and saw simply a mirror, a shattered one
One broken because of disgust and distrust
Because of hatred and tough times
And I realized that nobody was really there to see what went wrong and how
Except for me
And even I didn't like myself

It's shoots brightly, up and up and up until it is noticed-and feared.
It's body is slim and beautiful, but it hits whatever it wishes to, and strikes stupidity into young minds and wariness into wise ones, all the while not caring about how close it's getting.
People carry on with their everyday lives as a shield to protect them from a chaotic outbreak.
"Stay calm," the man chats in his head.
"Don't panic," the teen thinks as it strikes the top of a building three blocks away.
"It's only a little lightning, it can't hurt you," the mother tells her child as he stares in wonder at what he is most afraid of.
The thunder crashes loudly through the sky, rattling the windows and the hearts of those who fear it.
And forever, I remain afraid.

Little red riding hood
Running through the forest
Doesn't even see the wolf
She doesn't feel his presence

Little red is rumored to
Have senses keen and quick
But she doesn't feel his pounding paws
Or hear the snapping of a stick

All she thinks is "Get to grandma's
"Before it turns dark"
But he's sneaking his way to her
Blending in with the tree bark

Her heart is pumping up a storm
From all the adrenaline
While he is hiding in the bushes
His stare is quite intense

Just before she can stroll by
He pounces from position
And strikes her with his paw so hard
She loses her ambition

Seeing death before it comes
She curls into herself
Her life just flashes cruely
To where all she thinks is "help"

A bang as loud as thunder
Echos hauntingly to her ears
And she flinches away from where
The wolf should have been, submitting to her worst fears

A gentle voice calls Little Red's name
And she snaps her head up fast
Seeing a dead wolf lying there
All she can think is "at last"

Remembering the person who'd called her name
She witnessed a scene of her grandmother
Slowly lowering the tip of a gun
And giving her a smile like no other

"Well done, grandmother," Red quickly cheered
Clapping her hands as she stood
But her grandmother shook her head and sighed to herself
"You've got dirt all over your hood."

Don't push me away
Don't drag me too close
Don't force me to watch
As you overdose
On a love that isn't yours
From someone who is
Who gives it all away
And you know this
You try to convince me
That I have a chance
I don't even want one
I just simply glanced
At you and you smiled
Like never before
Who are you even?
You make living a chore

I don't know what I'm writing
It seems all jumbled and such
I feel like I'm faking
Like my words aren't enough

But I know that I'm not
The second the words are down
I can't help but feel phony
There are worse things around

What's the worst that could happen
What have I to be sad of
Nothing should stop me
I should be full of love

But why do I feel
Like these words are the truth
All until I click "Save Poem"
Is it because of you?

*No, that's ridiculous, right?

I could've sworn that I had no idea what love felt like

Turns out I'd fallen in love with everybody

And didn't have the courage to see it

She was just a stranger
Another face in the crowd
One that didn't stand out
One that didn't know how
But he was quite the artist
And enjoyed views such as she
The ones made delicately
The ones that couldn't see
Then the man swooped down like an angel
And rescued her from her life
And painted her how he saw her
Their love sharp as a knife
But he could not bear it
He could not compare to it
For every day before that
Was his choice to repair her
And he painted her forever
Pictures lining all the halls
Before he realized what she wanted
It was too late for she was gone
She disappeared like pain itself
To return when nobody could see
For the next morning when he came home
Sitting tall against the wall
Was a picture of him from her
Captioned "Love came not easily"

From the inside out she burns
Tic toc tic
And crack
It's done
As finished as she was
When she lit the *match

My eyes weep
Their salty tears
I'm grounded in place
By all of my fears
You hold up my chin
As though it will help
And my heart beats fast
I just want to yelp
With glee as I have
So many times in the past
My blood running fast
My heart like glass
Don't drop it I beg
With all of my might
Hold it steady so that I
Will live through the night
Do what you wish in the morning
I won't be human then
Throw it against the wall if you'd like
Just don't tell me when
You're about to do it
So it will hurt less
Smash it to pieces
Just put it to rest
From this beating whirlwind
This blush on repeat
This skip in my step
The occasional heat
That flares through me
At the sight of you
Your head held high
Like there's nothing you can't do
Because there isn't
We both know
There's even no reason
To just put on a show
Just being you
Attracts me  so
So **** me fast
But hold me close

His hands skidded across my skin
His eyes were smoke-screened and I questioned him
Did he know who I was?
What he was doing?
Where we were?
He grabbed my hand
His lips pressed forcefully against mine, rough, bitten.
My lips matched his but they were.. delicate you could say.
Because I was seven.
They weren't full, they weren't sweet, they weren't "tasty"
The fact that my "kisses" were "good" was not something to be proud of
I'm fifteen. I know what you did now. I know how you hurt me.
There's only one thing I don't know by now.
why the **** did you do this to me?
i was only a little girl
but now i'm still just that, only hurt.
you shouldn't be proud of what you did.
you shouldn't be happy with yourself
i don't know if you'll get what you deserve
i just know that i didn't deserve that
well i might've.
*see what you've done?

Oh the sound of a wintry crash
Killing three in its way
Slippery roads and a yarn-made rash
Why did I wake up today?

Hear the sounds of the tires squealing
The sounds of screams in the wind
Feel as nature takes its killing
Destroying all that you've been

Let's get this straight
I'm not a toy
I'm the girl
You're the boy
We work together as a team
Not you by yourself
You and me
I've gone through this
Too many times
I refuse to take
Anymore lies
So man the **** up
And grow some *****
Maybe the bigger you are
The harder you'll fall
In love with me
With the slight chance that exists
We will be fine
If you don't know that yet

Are you going to hold me
You swear?
I need a tighter grip on life
Pull me back together and you can stay here
You have always been mine.

Mirror mirror on the wall
Through their fear you make them crawl
Through their lies you ****** their souls
Through their hearts we never grow old

Mirror mirror my old friend
We strip these people of defense
We **** their spirit and all their friends
We keep young faces until the end

Mirror mirror on the wall
Am I the fairest of them all
With what I've done inside these walls
When will I get to be immortal

Mirror mirror you sly leach
With all the lessons I've seen you teach
All the pain inflicted on me
I **** all the fair women I can reach
I enslave these men, every, each

*Mirror Mirror

I'm sorry if my smile isn't always wide or goofy
Or if I look at you too much for you to comprehend
I'm sorry if I'm sad while near you
But it's because my jealousy has no end

You talk to all girls
The same way you talk to me
You squat down to our size
Almost falling on your knees

You stick out your tongue
You tickle our sides
You ruffle our hair
It brings tears to my eyes

I want you so bad
But can never be yours
I wish I was happy
Not wanting more

But you make my heart pound
You make me weak in the knees
You make me blush
I wish-oh please

I wish for some strength
To confess how I feel
I wish for your eyes to see me
So I know that you're real

You're so imperfect I love it
I'd have you no other way
But you cannot be mine
No; not today

she brushed her hand against the window
like wind pushing against the glass
forming a heart in the steam created
by our bodies crushed together
moving slowly to a rhythm
that's sculpted by the fast paced
"bud dum" of our hearts pressed together

The skin is dry
   The pull
      The tug
         The tear
The skin is dead
   It sticks
      It bleeds
         It shrivels

The white teeth stained
With the blood and the pain
As the pink lips scab,
The skin pulled back
   Blood drips
      Tongue licks
         **Teeth rip

Within the darkness of night
There is a street light
  Sure it may flicker
   And give you a fright
    But there it will stand
     As our world turns to sand
     Lighting the dark
    Creating that spark
   To help you push forward
  Despite all your fears
Because with light in the dark
There is no need for tears

I feel like the louder I try to speak the less you can hear the words
Must I whisper to you?
Must I hum my pain?
Must I hurt in this day and this time because you cannot listen to my screams?
Hold back my hair as I puke the words into porcelain
Because they cannot make it to your ears
Whisper sweet nothings because nothing could be as sweet as your words
Nothing could be as bitter as your intentions
And I love that you can hide them from me so well
Grasp my hands that cling to the edge of sanity
If you throw me down I'll be at your mercy
But if you pull me up my eyes will clear as will my mind
And I'll push you away forever

If you could see me right now
You would probably cry
You'd collapse to your knees
And cover your eyes

You'd shuffle in close
And ask yourself what went wrong
And try to remember
Where you've been all along

"It wasn't your fault"
I'd say "You've done nothing not right"
But even as you walk away
I cannot find a light

Not inside my head
Not inside these walls
I cannot see how I'm messed up
As I trip down the hall

So if you saw me now
You'd probably doubt yourself
Which means I'm glad you're good at staying away
So this feeling hits no one else

My nose was stuffed with the autumn leaves
Caught in the harsh winds of October

My hands shivered from the rain that pelted the house
As I wondered when the thunder would calm

My hair was chopped short from the twigs
Which caught within them as I hid in the woods

And the birds fluttered high away from my scent
As they knew I would ****

You treat me like I'm fragile
Ignore me like contagious
Make up your mind, you dimwitted one
Is your head really that spacious?
Do I sound like a joke to you?
Because that is how you act
I'd say it hurts but I'm just offended
I'd much prefer a slap
Of course I'm over-exaggerating
Of course you say you're sorry
I really don't believe you, babe
That doesn't cut it, darling
You should seriously think about your words
Don't throw that attitude around
You call me fat, you call me names
You'd rather I not weigh a pound?
I'm seriously not caring
About all of your crap
You could fall off of a cliff
And that would be that
So do what you wish
Just don't involve me
Have a nice life
Pack your **** and leave

I was asked to describe how much I hurt once
I don't really think there was a valid answer for that
Because all I can think about in my moment of pain
Is the pain

I'm not thinking that I've probably felt more pain in my life
I'm not thinking that I'll probably have worse
I'm not even fully comprehending the situation at that moment
Because all I can think about is the pain

The pain controls my existence for as long as it stays
Even if it dulls it will be all I can think about
All that I can't take my mind off of
All that exists to me

I'm not thinking about money
Or homework
Or another person's feelings
As I give into my pain

I let it control me, no matter how bad that idea itself is
I let it take over my actions
And my words
And I'll snap just to apologize later

If I say something I don't mean while in pain
How can I handle falling in love
Just to fall out of it?
I'm too young for this

I'm not ready for the responsibility of having to care for myself
I've been selfish, letting myself go
Thinking that there's always going to be something there to fall back on
There isn't

There actually never was

That's why I am the way I am today

My words are too quiet
My voice is too soft
Yet I get offended
When people don't get along
With my stinging words
And my ****** mouth
I'd tell you how I feel about this
Yet I don't know how
Not without violence
Not without offense
Not without insult
It just makes no sense
So I try not to talk
And you always feel lonely
For with my lack of words
Come fingers so boney
Gripping your jacket
Or smashing your heart
I write this poem
It's my only good art
It's just for you
But you'll never know
I'll make sure of this stranger
So you can let go

Time is stopped and there is a heart on pause pressed into my shoulder. Like a boulder drawing breaths, his lips are on my neck and his hands are in my pocket. A heart shaped locket takes his place as his plane flies and my heart flutters then lies still like time is paused. All I can do is heave into the hollowed porcelain as my heart clanks like hail against the window of my ribs and I want to drive but the storm is too heavy, like it’s winter and I won’t make it home for Christmas in this blizzard.
I draw his face into the stark white canvas with my brush and it may not match the picture, but it matches my memory as my hand stands still and I want to kiss the still-wet green of his eyes. Each step I take is heavy, like the gravity on saturn has taken me over and it feels like I’m walking without time, as his laugh does not echo the halls. Deserted walls and glass coated floors, fallen pictures from slammed doors, swept to the side with unfeelingly cut feet. Isn’t it neat to be numb to most everything and most everyone?
Friends all pretend saying how I feel should be the song I sing to let the halls ring and fill the silences of my hell. They know all too well they are just acting silly, trying to prevent my grey sorrows from clouding my home the way it will. And it will, whether they interrupt my clouds with their poorly painted rainbows or not. Bared feet trip and a heart beat skips repeatedly against the hard wood floor that is pressed against a face that feels like mine. I know the news before they come; I’m not dumb. Yet it is hard to pretend to such prestigious people that everything in this house is fine.
Men as tall as skyscrapers, dressed as sharply as a new pair of scissors, clip the tips of my fingers to ice cold shreds with a typed out letter and a whispered apology. Like any sorry is going to take my broken heart and tie all of the dead pieces together. Life is paused as I remember the tear that swam in his eyes but didn’t fall. The tear that glided back into his ducts and didn’t survive to prove he’d yearn for me in the lengthening midnights. As though he would have rather been more man than lover and our good bye could be easily cut short. His letters were tear stained and curt, stopped short and sweet so many months ago that I knew then, what I definitely know now, in my heart.
I can’t stop the slam of the door, the noise that falls before it hits my ears as men shocked with the electricity of my energy leap about an inch off the cemented porch. My heart pounds and I can feel myself chasing a target unknown that just grows in my mind’s eyes. I feel as though my friends are spies and if I don’t move fast enough, they’ll destroy my plans and convince me that anything besides what my hammering heart wants will be more valuable. As if there are canons going off, my feet race across the hard wood floors and I know one thing.
I miss him.
But I’ll see him soon.

I wrote a poem once
To a boy whole stole my heart
And he stole my work
But at least I know he liked it

Pack it up, walk away; you must feel too unwelcome to stay
His glare is like knives, his voice like wind chimes,
And the contradiction quite confuses me.

Am I to wish for nothing more? A castaway ship who can't find the shore?
To the sea of tranquility and nothing less? A runaway sailor once one of the best?

I wish his heart made up for mine
My lack of courage and constant whine
I wish my love existed there
It did once, but now nowhere

I fear your laugh but love your smile
Things I haven't seen since you were a child
I fear your hands but hold them close
I love you
They'll never know

Lights dim, tears brim, arms tight, just cry
Lights bright, curious eyes, cry more, destroy your shore
A bruise on the wrist, a busted lip, a lack of love, a damaged hip
A call for help, a personal hell, do you know what I tell?



The best part of life is always the pain
And how people react is your knowledge to gain



A feeling of doom that died too soon
You stirred that flame and set fire to my skin
And with this pen I write your name
Over and over and over again



Oranges, pinks, greens, blues
Bright light yellows
Nature's noose

Is my life just to end right here? It a chin and I a lone tear?
Am I to fall to my fateful doom, to never return, and if so, not soon?



You broke my fall, tears and all
And help me grow a pair of *****
You held me tight and taught me wrong
Now I'm cold-hearted and you're in love



They were loud and proud and out of control
But they're as human as you, your words still take a toll




His hand in mine
The rain on time
We dance like kids,
Like adults, we kiss

A hug goodbye
Stretched too long,
Like a warm winter sweater
Borrowed by your mom

You cannot tell me
That what I feel is purely..
in my head

Not whenever my heart pounds
Not whenever my hands shake
not whenever my chest aches

You cannot tell me
That what I feel is..
ridiculous

Because I know that this is real
Both to my brain
*and to my body

You can't be gentle
You can't be sweet
You can't be tidy
You can't be neat
This wasn't the plan
The plan wasn't you
Now I'm debating
Going all the way through
With what I had started
With what I have schemed
You've shown me a perspective
I'd never dreamed
And now I feel guilty
Which I shouldn't, you see?
My idea wasn't that
You'd go through with these things.
So, stop being gentle
Stop being nice
I'd hoped for pain
I'd wished for a fight
I wanted bad
But got good in return
I've never been so lucky
This shouldn't be heard of
But I appreciate all your work
What you've done for me
While I can't even wait
For three minutes it seems
You're so unlucky to have me
But please don't be sad
I'll try to make it all right
Now that I know what I have

I am not simple
But I am quite ordinary
You can open me and read me like a novel
Reading between the lines was never hard for you
But you will not learn everything
You will not understand
You will not remember it
Because even I do not
Just know that I am typical
And you'll get on just fine

My stupidity eats me alive
For all of my sins I have no pride
I've done much worse than the average Joe
Quite a few things, and he'll never know

He asks again and again
And soon I hope there will be an end
That he'll realize I'm useless and quickly move on
He'll take a deep breath as he has all along

He'll finally taste freedom
In this cruel, small world
He'll relax his shoulders
His problems unfurled

And I'll sit here mourning
Yet somehow move on
From that taste of victory
That rests in his hugs

But a new he comes along
And he's more than I dreamed
I hope that my sins
Don't catch up with me

I want him to know that
I want this to work
It's been tragedy upon tragedy
And then so much worse

But he holds my hand
And rests his forehead on mine
He actually talks
Like everything's fine

So I'll smile for now
And breathe the bad out
I'll relax in his presence
And I'll slowly learn how

To love once again
More than a friend
To hold a hand
And not feel regret