I'm wondering why
tonight of all nights
you look as gorgeous as you do.

I'm wondering why
the minute I try and forfeit the game
you lure me right back in.

Why is it,
that on a Friday night
spent with friends and drugs and bad decisions
I refuse to make the one good decision I desire?

I struggle to see the moon for the clouds
and I struggle to see your eyes for the light
and I can't make out which is worse.
Not seeing the one thing always there to comfort me
or a chunk of rock in space.

It's like falling into a spider web.
The more you struggle,
the harder it is.

Doctors won't help you.
They'll just give you drugs
that take away the anxiety,
but bring your emotions along with it.

Friends will try and help.
But they can only do so much
before they tell you to get over yourself
and to stop being a baby.

So you'll stay at home,
and smoke your cigarettes
and bite your nails
and take shallow breaths.

All you want
is someone
to put their hand on your shoulder.
To be patient.
To understand,
to kiss you goodnight,
and ruffle your hair in the morning.
All you want is someone to whisper in your ear louder than anxiety already does.

I walk along with my many thoughts, negotiating through the heavy crowd. When simply by chance I raise my eyes, as the masses parted, and there you were. While having you my sights I lost track of my steps, and as your image drew closer my mind stood still. My path to you was cleared of all the moving bodies that no longer mattered, as if fate wanted your beauty to never leave my sight. I now find myself standing within my voices reach to your ears, so I call your name. The moment your eyes found mine I lost my breath. Your beauty was as I remembered and your voice, the sweetest symphony I’ve heard as your lips moved. I found myself lost, within a moment lost in time. A sensation long forgotten now flowed through my body as we exchanged words. The crowd no longer exist, the sounds of a mall full of life, no longer reaches my ears. I find myself trying to move on to my destination, but I long to remain with you. The minutes march on unnoticed, for as you spoke nothing else mattered. But as I walk away I smile, only because we have just experienced a moment lost in time. A moment that may have been lost, but will never be forgotten.

Meet me at the beginning
For the end has long since past
And I wish that we were happier
That we had a chance to last
So it came to me – deep in a dream
That you were meant for me
If we started over, all would seem
Like new reality
So hi, my name is faithful
And you are meant for me
And we’re meeting here, at the beginning
So we can have a chance to be

i am a phoenix who has spent every year of my life
burning to ashes and being painfully reborn
you knew this and threw me into the fire anyways

2. i didn’t just fall in love with you
i crashed into it
like a drunk driver who couldn’t wait for the light to turn green
and i didn’t have any insurance

3. i was always competing with
the ghost of your ex-girlfriend
and you saw her reflection in my eyes
it wasn’t a fair match from the start, was it?

4. you said i was the most lovable person you had ever met
but you couldn’t be the one to love me
i think the word you meant to use to describe me was unlovable

5. you treated my affection like ******* currency to help you sleep at night

6. i always had to butcher the truth out of your mouth

7. i wrote you my first love poem
it was called “putting you into words”
because i couldn’t ever find one word to accurately describe you
but i found it now:

…*******

8. you taught me what lonely people do
how they can’t touch anything without leaving their fingerprints behind
without painting your skin in midnight
when the sun comes up you will both be on the ground again
with stomach aches and dry mouths
this is what lonely people do
they stay the night and wake up thirsty
and their only cure is drying out your canteen heart

9. ask me how many times i’ve trusted
the men with twisted fingers and crooked smiles
how many times i’ve cut my hands on their jagged edges
sharpened like a knife by pain
ask me how many times i’ve let men say my name like they’ve created me

…i will tell you i’ve lost count

10. i am a giver
who surrenders my softness to sharp teeth and sandpaper hands
i am giver
who falls in love with far too many takers
and never learned how to be both

11. i am made of forgiveness and
you broke my bones like they were empty promises
i will always be walking on someone else’s ending
and crawling over the ruins

12. if pain makes craters then my heart is the moon

13. every poem i ever wrote for you
is now a testament of how you wasted my time

14. you were the final shipwreck
that sent me reeling out into the water with my mouth wide open
i taste like seawater because there is so much inside of me that is trying to drown

15. love is the worst illusion man ever created

16. i am 19 years old
and i am entirely too young
to believe it doesn’t exist anymore (k.w)

I know better,
Is there such thing?
Feelings like this,
They can’t be felt.
Your body speaks it,
Your eyes show it,
It breaks me.
Every part of me,
Wants every part,
Of you,
It drives me mad.
The lust is obscene,
Stare at me, deeply,
Gazing, heart throbbing,
Head spinning, no words,
Just to stare.
Your presence,
I smile.
Your eyes,
They shine.
Your stare,
It’s stolen,
And it’s wrong.
Every part, every want,
Every need,
Everything,
It’s all so messed up.
But that doesn’t make it stop,
Feelings so strong,
It is unexplainable.
When will it stop?
Around the clock,
All I think about,
Every time, is you.
Scared, fast,
What’s happening?
If I stumbled,
Fell, and crashed,
Would you pick me back up?
Worried, young,
Struck, thinking,
Wondering, and wandering.
Therefore, I am stuck.

when you go
where will i be
where will you go
when i am no longer me

ashes to ashes
sea to sea
we'll ride the winds
for eternity

the waves crash
and wash away
the parts of us
we wish would stay