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Sampung taon na ang nagdaan
nang huli kong natikman
ang sarap ng mga putaheng
hinahanda niya sa hapag-kainan

Sampung taon na ang nagdaan
nang huli kong nasilayan
ang ngiti niyang nakapapawi
ng pagod at kalungkutan


Sampung taon na ang nagdaan
nang huli kong narinig
ang mga salitang mahal kita
mula sa ina kong tangan

Sampung taon na ang nagdaan
nang huli kong naramdaman
ang higpit ng kanyang yakap
at haplos na kinagigiliwan

Sampung taon...
kay tagal na panahong nagdaan
wala na muling natikman, nasilayan, narinig at naramdaman,
pagmamahal ng isang ina na kinasasabikan.

Happy Mother's Day Mama. Mahal na mahal kita.
''I hope you make time for me.''...doesn't mean I want you to spend all of your time with me.I married you because I want to spend most of my time with you.

If I knew that you're happy enough spending most of the week with other people then we didn't need to get married.

We should've just remained friends seeing each other once in a while. Partying, drinking, talking about work, ranting and raving about life in general. The usual stuff friends do.

No expectations from each other... No commitments...No disappointments...No senseless arguments...No emotional stress. The many advantages of just being friends.

But we got married. We decided that we want to spend a lifetime together. We yearned for a family that we can both nurture.

We wanted to be responsible for each other. To take care of each other. To know what's important for the other and willingly provide that. I married you and I want all of these for you.

Im not married to my work, nor my friends, nor my son. Im married to you. So for me you matter most....for me most of my time should be with you.

To share with you first time moments, to have quality moment with you and talk about anything and everything under the sun, to laugh and cry with you...as much as possible.

Life is short. So short that when my mom passed away, I realized that 21 years with her was too short a time to be with someone you love. And I don't want to go through that ever again.

If today was my last day on Earth, I would be sad for I know that we missed out on a lot of things together. I don't want to leave knowing that we could have had more time alone, together. Please don't leave me in this predicament as well if you were to go today.  

That's where Im coming from when I say, ''I hope you make time for me.'' To you it may come as yet another issue of mine. But, for me, it means a whole lot.

- November 15, 2010
I thought it'd be the end of my life today.

The end of the moments Id spend beside my son.

The end of my hopes that all of my mistakes would still be undone.

The end of a second chance of having a lifetime with him.

The end of shiny, happy moments with two dear friends was far beyond dim.

The end of my longing to have another conversation with my very best friend.

The end of a career that I spent most of my life to comprehend.

The end of a fathers wish to live beyond his daughter's life.

The end of a dream of becoming the perfect wife.

But I lived today so I believe that my purpose is yet to be fulfilled.

So God please help me with the relationships I have yet to rebuild.

- Nov. 5, 2010
Saksi ang buwan at mga bitwin
sa araw ng tayo'y nagkakilala.
Bawa't kilos at galaw,
at tinginan ng mga mata.

Saksi ang bawa't taong nakapansin
ng lambing ng pag-uusap
at kay lagkit ng mga tingin.

Saksi ang mga nanood sa entablado
kung pano mo siya napatawa
sa isang eksenang sa script eh wala.

Saksi ang mga ****'t ka-eskwela
sa isang pag-kakaibigang
puno ng kalokohan at saya.

Saksi ang mga kasama't kaibigan
kung paano nag-simula
ang di-inaasahang pag-iibigan.

Saksi ang mga kapamilya't ka-opisina
ang isang pag-sasamang
puno ng hirap at ligaya.

Saksi sila ng mga away at tampuhan
na pilit nating nilampasan.

Saksi ang buong mundo
sa lahat ng gulong nadaanan,
pero isang Saksi ang gumawa ng paraan.

Naging Saksi ang Diyos ng mga
pangakong binitawan,
na di kailanma'y maghihiwalay anoman ang pagdaraanan.  

Kaya’t narito akong muli
para tumupad ng pangako.
Na buong buhay kang pagsisilbihan, mamahalin at
di kailanman pa’y susuko.

- July 8, 2010
Paano maaalis ang sakit
na dinulot ng mahal mo?
Paano matitigil ang mga
luhang dumadaloy mula sa puso ko?
Paano makakalimot ng
masakit na nakaraan?
Paano mapapawi ang pait
na sa puso'y naiwan?

Paano mapipilit ang sugat
na humilam?
Paano kung ang kirot ay
laging nagpaparamdam?
Paano patibayin ang
loob na nanghihina?
Paano at saan kukunin
ang lakas na nawala?

Paano matututunang
mahalin kang muli?
Paano makukuhang
hagkang muli ang iyong mga labi?
Paano maituturing na
akin buong buo?
Paano kung sa kanya'y
inialay mo rin ang iyong puso?

Mga tanong na kay hirap sagutin.
Na panahon lang ang makakapagsabi
kung kaya ka pa ngang mahalin.

- July 2009
Patay sindi ang ilaw sa kwarto. Bawat pagsindi ay napuputol ang tulog na mga limang minuto pa lamang ang tinatagal. Kaluskos mula sa kisame ay pilit na sinasawalang bahala.

Ang salamin sa aparador sa paahan ng aking kama ay mistulang naggiging larawan. Mayat maya'y nagkakaroon ng imahe ng isang babaeng naka trahe de boda. Balingkinitan ang katawan, bagsak ang balikat, bahagyang nakatungo't walang bahid ng kagalakan sa kanyang mukha. Ilang saglit lang ay mawawala.  Dali-dali akong tumayo at binuksan na lamang ang pinto ng aparador. Ihinarap sa pader ang salamin, sabay balik sa aking kama. Ang loob ng aparador na lamang ang aking nakikita. Wala na ang babaeng nakaputi, di narin nagparamdam muli. Nawala narin ang nakakabahalang kaluskos sa kisame. Ang ilaw ay nanatiling nakasindi.

Alas-tres na ng umaga nang ako ay nakatulog. Nagising ng alas-sais at nagmamadaling naligo't nagbihis. Iniligpit ang gamit sa bag, nagsuklay at napaharap sa salamin. Natigilan. Nakasara na ang aparador.

- March 15, 2010, Vigan
A stubborn heart is deadly. It has the ability to short circuit the brain, exhaust all the sanity in you, crush your spirits, exhume every bit of sanity from the deepest recesses of your body. It can wipe out dreams of fairy tale endings, change your views on life and love --- turning you into this most cynical person alive. You tend to expect more...to your utmost disappointment in the end.Nevertheless, it brings about an exhilarating kind of joy that makes your being come alive. It brings that ultimate enjoyment of loving without hesitating to give your all. Bottomline, it feels good. It feels **** good.Oh if only the latter would happen more often --- forever if possible. Wishful thinking, yes. In the meantime, I'll just nurse this stubborn heart. Might be all it takes to disarm that stubborn man in his own makeshift loveless world. - Feb 25, 2010...for a dear friend
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