One. I loved you for five years back when that was eternity. But we grew closer and further apart, simultaneously, and though it killed me to. I could not wait any longer for you to make me a priority.

Two. I was very drunk and so were you.

Three. I had the desire to become careless. You were too young and I thought you wouldn't tell anyone. Thanks for keeping my secrets.

Four. I heard you call me pretty.

Five. You told me to meet you in the back room of that party. You lied to everyone rather than admit it.

Six. We listened to some great music and I found things out about you that no one else knew. I admired you for some reason, but you wanted more that I couldn't give.

Seven. You couldn't "rise to the occasion," but I always counted you anyway, since we were there and I would have if you could have.

Eight. We'd made out a few times in lockers rooms and in the dark curtains on stages. Ha! You were an orphan that made everyone else believe it was their fault and like they owed you some kind of an apology. Well, fast forward a few years and you're drunk and joined up and you ***** me. I'd already been ruined enough, so I stuck around. Never hoping for anything better for myself. I was only good enough for you at three am when you needed a ride home, you drunken coward. But I wasn't good enough for you the nine months I carried our daughter, the last year and a half our lives. You've missed out on all the joy she's brought me, and for someone without a family, I expected better. I hope you burn in hell.

Nine. Post-baby, feeling bad about my new body. I had rounded in places previously flattened, and you were a trial run for something I knew shouldn't be as important to me as it was.

Ten. All good things come to those who wait. The only man worthy of my love. I wish I had preserved every good thought and feeling in a jar so that I could share with you. You aren't completely unflawed, but that's fine. You somehow accept me with all my baggage and emotional trauma and tear-streaked moments. I thank God for you every moment I breathe, and you're my salvation from a world that makes women feel like nothing but an object, even though I played the part convincingly. I could never go on without you.

we got a goldfish,
for my little boy.
a tank, some coloured grit, three plants not two,
must practise goldfish fung shu.
all the water testing guff
and of course a filter.
a sunken ship
and a treasure chest .
we paid the pirate...
and took our ***** home.
so we set Bruce.
( for that was the name chosen).
up in pride of place on sidboard.
the list, above,
was positioned after meetings of commision. water tested to the highest degree,
filter fizzing, wizzing,whirring.
Bruce swam in his bag
in the tank,
for a time as instructed.
then released to a slightly larger freedom.
he swam and swam,
golden scales a flickerin.
we, (that being, mr just about three and his dad)
fed him, watched him poo, and eventually,
read Bruce,
a bedtime tale or two.
one fish, two fish by Dr Suess went down a treat.
the little man then,
was bundled off to bed.
thoughts of Bruce left our heads.
the evening lengthened.
we retired to sleep the sleep, of ignorance it conspired.
for in our planning we forgot one thing.
a devon rex cat,
who has a bath weekly,
a penchant for tuna,
no top to the tank.
so we thank the lord
for Bruce. however,
brief was his reign.
now we introduce
to you....
Murtle the turtle
who has a glass pane,
sitting above her head.
just in case......
the cat likes, turtle soup.

Oh, dad. If you were here now.

If you saw the red lines in my eyes or could smell the liquor on my tongue and in my sweat.
If you saw me drop out of college. Or quit that job. Oh, and that other job.
If you saw the ******* that would call you grandad.

Would you still love me then?
Or would you sweep my failure under a rug with your cigars that you still hid from grandma after forty years on this earth?
Could you love me after seeing the men I'd slept with, knowing what I did to them?  
How I had to close my eyes while I did it.
Holding tears back just to get through it.  

Did you die because you knew it?  

Was I not worth living for as a child because you saw a future you did not want to live?  

I'm only still living to prove that it was you who caused this torment.

They say poems don't have to rhyme.
That time heals all wounds And absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I'm no Scarlett or Juliet, but I can swear among all the things I never want to have to say to you, the most embarrassing is "I missed you so badly, I couldn't get out of bed today."

They say there are other fish in the sea, well, I don't swim. I don't breathe water.
I drown.

And you're the lifeguard, flirting with that ***** in a bikini.

But it's okay. Poems don't have to rhyme. A lot of good that does me.

Dear lover
By the time we fall in love i would hope that you will have already learned my name, but just in case you havent i will tell you. My name is danielle lauren shorr. danielle like some ancestor i never met, lauren because my mom liked it, and shorr like the beach. I like the beach. No more like love the beach. Maybe almost as much as i will love you. I like the sand between my toes, the way the wind blows through my hair and makes it an ugly mess, i like the way pigeons search for any trace of food like its all one man for himself and this is the hunger games. I like food. But at first i might be embarrased to eat in front of you, i can attribute this to my history of insecurity and that ******* belief that girls are supposed to order salads on dates. But fear not. Because i hate spinach and fries with extra cheese are my favorite, and soon enough i will learn to embrace it. I will always want to embrace you. To hold you, to be close to you, i have an overwhelming need for touch. But a slight fear of intimacy. I will be afraid at first when you try to get close to me, i will put up my guard and attempt to hide my battle scars and everything i dont want you to know about me yet, ive been hurt before. And i know im not the only one on this earth who has been. But when i tell you that i want to get to know you i am telling you that i want to memorize every part of you like the way i used to stay up at night as a kid memorizing lines of books. I love to read. I love getting lost in the words that someone else wrote that so closely manage to speak to me. I want you to speak to me. When you are struggling or lacking in anyway i will assure you with 100% certainty that things will be okay. I will pull you out of pits of depression with every muscle, bone and limb i have in my body, i have not always been comfortable in my own body. And thats been a cause of my own depression. So when the day comes when i give myself to you, i am hoping that you will remember that every part of me is devoting itself to learning you, i want to learn you. I want to trace the lines of your skin, connect the dots with your freckles or birthmarks, play silly little games and hope you let me win, i will let you in. But only if you let me. And theres parts of me that arent my brightest, i will have days where i will be unable to see anything but darkness, i want you to hold me regardless of what i say, or my stubborness, i am stubborn. I am a taurus. When we fight i will be a bull, strong in my pride and unable to see any other side of the argument, i will tell you this right now: give up. unless its important. I want to feel important. I will want to be included in every part of your existence and when I’m not i will get annoyed and ******* and demand to be the center of your universe. I will act like this because i want to feel like i matter. Like i am matter on this earth so important that if i disappeared even for a mere second the earth would crumble and fall into pieces. And if i crumble and fall to pieces, i only ask one thing of you. Do your best to help me back up, im not asking you to put me back together but to try your best to keep me from breaking even more. And when you break, know that i will be here to comfortyou. To hold you. To tell you that i love you. to make you laugh at the most innapropriate moments about the most innapropriate things, to make life seem a little less painful, and a little more bearable. I will do my best to help you stay your best. And if we end up not working, it will be okay. Because nothing will matter more than the love i gave to you when it was good and if in the end it doesnt go the way we thought it would, well, we'll be okay. But if it does. If this love stays, know that i will love you and give you every single day i have, i will make you remember why you decided to fall in love in the first place, i will make sure to make you feel okay, i will always make sure you're okay. if you're having a bad day, I'll be right there with you. I'll be here now and forever.
Sincerely your future lover.