I thought I'd never find you
But sooner than I thought
I found you; yes, you're mine now
Lord, don't let me ***** this up.

An angel sent from heaven
You have your flaws, it's true
But you're mine, flaws and all now;
Lord, help me to deserve you.

You care for me unyeildingly
You thank me every day
For the ways I show I care for you;
Lord, please help me through.

You see me in a brighter light
Than most of the people I know
You care for me, left and right;
Lord, thank you for this glow.

If ever I could thank you
For all you've done for me,
I'd do it in a hearbeat;
Lord, it's only been a week!

You tell me you admire me,
But I don't know if you should.
My flaws far outweigh yours;
Lord, help me to be good.

I don't deserve a man like you;
I shouldn't even try
The Lord has blessed me immensely;
Lord, I'll thank you with my life.

You're my bulwark, my fortress;
You're steady, strong, and true.
Good to the core, you are;
Lord, help me care for you.

I feel like a hoax, a fake--
A liar to the core.
I don't deserve to be with you;
Lord, help me to be true.

I don't know what to do now;
Soon, this glow will fade
And you'll be dating a hoax, a fake.
Lord, purify my charade.

If I could have
A piece of wisdom--
Even the tiniest shard;
And if I could know
What is to come,
Oh, what I would give!
To be able to take
That shard, that piece,
And tuck it safely away
In the darkest corner
Of my mind, and
Only pull it out
When I am full of
Hurt, or doubt--
To know that I
Will be alright
No matter how
Life turns or twists
In unexpected ways.

I am finally learning
What it means to balance life;
For I can't give my heart and soul
When you don't give yours too.
We've only just begun now;
I know I've gone too fast.
But keep in mind, this is new to me,
While not exactly new to you.
So I'll pretend my heart's a jigsaw;
You can have it, but piece by piece.
And you must earn the pieces--
I can't promise them to you.
You can't buy them on credit;
No Visa or Mastercard.
We don't take checks here, sorry--
Only cash will do.
Cash comes in form of roses,
And midnight picnics in the park.
Cash comes in form of Brewer games,
And a candle-lit dinner for two;
A night spent under fire-works,
Or a ride in a hot-air balloon.
Don't forget, with each of these gestures,
You must give me a piece of your heart.
But with these must come sweetness,
Respect and sincerity.
I need trust, and most of all,
Respect my right to be free.
And if these you cannot give me,
Then sorry, our bargain is off.
But I think--I hope--you can give
These things I ask of you;
If I didn't, I wouldn't be here--
I only speak the truth.
So if you can prove me right,
Then I'll have nothing to fear.
We'll live happily ever after--
It will be a done deal.

Smiling so sweetly,
Staring up at you.
You'd never guess his parents
Are too poor to pay for school.

Laughing in his wheelchair
A simple game of hide-and-seek
Shines through rainclouds
Hanging overhead.

Pleasure in technology,
Recording people, places, things,
A girl, in an old red sweater
Presses the shutter button.

Surrounded by people
Caught in their midst
Recieving a crash course
On life and the bliss
That comes with it--
But also the hurt
And the pain to the heart
That people sometimes bring.

Can't bow out, not gracefully
Yet can't immerse myself fully.
Trying to hold myself apart,
But I'm already in this game
This game that never ends.
This road, this tangled weave and web
That I only want to be neat.

But somehow we'll get through it
And come out having learned
About ourselves and others.
And at the end of this road,
This web will still be tangled
But neater than before.
And we'll be wiser for the better
About this life we've lived.

Should have gone with my first impression
That you weren't the guy for me,
But now I'm caught up in this mess
And I only want to be free.

You're nice, you're sweet, you're funny;
But your temper is a bear;
Oblivious to what goes on around you--
You're far too much like me.

And me, I'm far too trusting;
Gullible, to say the least.
I'm impulsive, and I don't listen
Or pay attention to my surroundings.

And I can't be like my mother;
Pursuing you for your attention.
So I'll step back, let life work itself out
And cry myself to sleep.

I know I need to let you go;
You're not the guy for me.
But I don't know how to let
My aching soul
Cry itself to sleep.

Pain, power, friendship and love
All tugging in different directions.
Brand-new answers for the life you live
Shed hope as they go on their way.
The joy, while its new, now fades away
And no more answers come for your tears.
One more method--grasped, then gone
And no way for you to regain it.

Didn't try to please
Just let her soul shine through
Face to face with her mortality
She took each bitter blow in stride

I was sitting on the sidelines
When I saw this girl--
She was skipping, hopping, laughing
She even threw in a twirl.

I stopped her for a minute
Asked her why she laughed so much.
She said, For me, this world's hard,
And life is bleak, so day by day,
I know I can't give up.

You see, I am so sick, she said
And I don't have much time.
But even with sixty-five roses
Life can be enjoyed.

So I do what makes me happy,
I laugh until I cry
Push regrets into the past
And sing my song out loud.

I said, Wow, that's amazing.
She shrugged and smiled at me;
Inspired me to join her,
Live life the way it should be

I'm no longer on the sidelines,
Because life is just a game.
And the hurts, the cuts, the bruises,
Don't matter in the end.

So many thoughts
Running through my head
And I can't get a hold on them.

I don't know what to do,
And I don't know what to say
I don't know where to go;
All I know is I'm confused.

We both want this to last
We know we're not alone
So what can we do?
What can we say
To keep our connection
As clear as day?

I may need you to help me
I know I have to trust.
And I'm sorry that I'm different
I'm sorry I'm so wierd.
I know I have my flaws,
And soon they'll be exposed, revealed--
Sooner than you think.

I don't know if I'm worthy
I don't know if I'm right.
I try to have faith in the future;
Surely there are flaws in my foresight.

I wish I could lock out the world;
I wish life was clear-cut.
I know I'm not an angel,
And can I care enough?

I don't have all the answers,
So don't expect me to know
But I'll wish, I'll long, I'll hope for
All my dreams to come true.

Torrents pouring down around me,
Standing with my arms flung wide
Trying to catch the life, the meaning
And possibilities so high.

I can't stand here, watching helpless;
I wish my soul would be at peace.
There's nothing more that I desire
Than for anxiety to cease.

I see the bubbling brook, so peaceful,
And hear it as it passes by
As birds, chirping, bid me welcome
In bloss'ming trees that point to sky.

Spring and life anew surround me,
But still, I feel no joy inside.
The burdens of my life are haunting
As life is turning with the tide.

Thousands of people, talking, laughing
Pass me by at every turn
If I could but reach out and touch them,
Then would my soul-song cease to yearn?

Alas, I'm in this lonely bubble
Silent but for tears and fears;
Uncertainty that swarms around me
And cringing from the gossip's jeers.

Alas, if I could love another--
With love, unselfish and so true
For so few can penetrate this bubble
Knowing my flaws, and loving me, too.

I don't know
What to do or think
I only know,
Every time I blink
Something changes,
Life's not the same
And there's no one
On which to lay the blame.
Nothing I do, nothing I say,
Will make time freeze
And stay this way.
If only I knew,
If only I could...
If only--well, then I would.
I look back at the past,
A smile lights my face;
Look to the future,
I turn the color of paste.
And although someday
I want to see
Deep rift valleys
And rivers running free,
Right now, I only want
To freeze this moment,
And take it in hand;
Hold it in my palm
And look on this scene
Knowing it will never be gone
From my memory

Lonely, and longing
For someone to hold
But that's just the
Easy way out.

Wanting, and wishing
And thinking of home
And wishing I
Wasn't here now.

Have you ever even felt
The pain you caused to me?
Or known the wrenching heartbreak
You gave this family?
How could you know the sorrow?
For though I'm sure
You felt the pain,
You were long gone in denial.

Did you understand
How you cut our hearts so deep?
There are still the remnants
Of your hurtful words and deeds
Tapping us on the shoulder
Every time we turn,
Reminding us of our hurt.

You could never fix it
You could never even try.
You've made me who I am today--
Who knows how, or why?
But though you've caused me trouble
And I still nurse the scars
You are still my brother,
And I'll love you 'til I die.

Fighting upward
To the skies;
To fresh new air
And awesome light.

Sunshine tries to
Pierce through depths
But murky water
Turns day to night.

The classroom is your ideal world;
Grades, your trusted friend.
Who are you to rate our worth
With your numbers, wretched machine?
You have no mind of your own,
Yet pass judgement on us all.
Your delight is in the genius mind,
And your pleasure in average scores.
But some you scarcely bless at all,
Or worse, you bless the best
With a different sense of knowledge--
With brains so different from the rest--
That your trusted friend rejects them,
Your world shuns them when they fall.
Outcast geniuses are hidden
In the midst of us all.

Your fingers wrapped up in mine,
My heart wrapped up in yours.
Still trying to define
Where to put that line.
Laughing at each other,
Laughing at ourselves.
Caring for each other
Like nobody else;
This might be love,
But I can't tell.
Is love a choice?
--Yes, I think so.
So do I choose
To take the leap
And love you now?
I still don't know.

An endless cycle spins around
You dangle your legs off the merry-go-round.
Look down, the woodchips blur past;
Until it slows, your only hope
Is to hang on for dear life,
Grasp the metal pole so clear
While foliage and faces blend
Until the world has narrowed, bit by bit
To the merry-go-round you are seated upon.

Walking through the world
Angry and confused
Trying to make sense--
Find where to begin.

This story is unending;
Continuous, it runs.
Caught up in the drama
Of this meaningless life.

"Everything happens for a reason,"
This I know is true--
Down to my very core,
I believe in You.

How could I overcome
This sinful world or say
That I have all the answers,
When without you
I'm always so confused.

I love the hope you give me,
I love your boundless grace.
I know I'm in your palm, Lord;
That you're watching over me.

Keep me from being too prideful,
Keep me humble in your Word.
And keep me from denying, Lord,
How much you mean to me.

Keep me from taking for granted
How my cup is overflowing.
Keep me always in your hand, Lord;
And watch over me wherever I go.

This pain--
So unexplainable.
This ache
Is undeniable.

I wish, so bad,
That I could fly;
Become mere mist
Up in the sky.

To numb my body,
And numb this pain
Is all I ask;
I won't ask again.

If I could cry
And let the pain
Leak through my tears,
Then would we be
Okay again?

You look at me with wondrous eyes;
I'm sorry, you may be surprised--
I don't deserve your love or trust.
The way you look, how much you care
Astounds me, and I'm really scared
That I'm not capable of loving you
To the extent that you love me.
You've put me on a pedestal;
Trust me--I don't deserve your praise.
I'm as unworthy as can be
I wish--If only you could see
You can do far better than me.

So many memories from this life
And some will be forgotten.

"A picture's worth a thousand words,"
Some say, and so it's true.
A picture is a freeze in time;
A word, that can't be spoken.

A picture is a little seawater,
Held still in a jar,
While the sea continues on,
Moving, changing constantly.

Pictures are too clear sometimes--
Too harsh, revealing details
We left blurred in our minds.

Step back--
in a flash
see your life,
nose to glass.

Then it's gone.

You are here.
Still here.

What is this?
This cruel pain?
And from where?
Why you?
Why now?
Why take away
your good life?

the memories--
so colorful
and vibrant

Look back--
at the past.
All mistakes

this is why--
a second chance
and yet one more
to put things right.

Take it slow...
Cherish the moment.
It will come
In its own time.
Keep going as you were;
Lay your feelings aside.

Life is messy;
Life is fierce.
Nothing happens
In an instant--
But slowly,
You make friends.
And slowly
Are revealed,
Their flaws
And qualities.
And slowly,
Through them,
You learn about
Yourself.

Lying to myself;
I can't admit the truth
Lest something should go wrong,
There's so much more to lose.

Not quite sure what he's feeling,
Not sure I want to know.
Not quite sure of anything,
Even myself, on this road.

Not sure if he likes me,
Not sure why he would.
Not sure if I like him;
Scared to admit that I do.

Not sure where we're going;
It's up to him to decide.
I will just keep lying because
There's so much more to lose.

Our hearts on strands of pewter
Dangling from the sky
And like cats playing with ***** of yarn,
We bat at and play with each other's hearts
And though sometimes unintentionally,
Sometimes our hearts get cut.

Tempation, it is bitter
But so hard to resist;
If no one knows my own mind
But the Lord Almighty,
Then why is it so easy
For my worship to become a lie?

My family has endured me
My friends, they do not know me
And all in all, all I have
Is myself and Christ to help me.

I want to soar so badly
But my wings were clipped somehow;
My peers are all high in the trees,
While I'm down here on the ground.

It's a battle fought within me
Deep inside my soul;
A fight to the death,
The New Man fights the Old.

My dreams, they haunt and mock me
And the traits I want so badly--
Integrity, love, responsibility--
Somehow seem to evade me.

Temptation, it is bitter
And no one can resist.
We all know our own minds,
But then, so does the Lord.
Yet still, it is so easy,
For our worship to be a lie.

One week wasted.
The walls of this house
Weigh heavy on my mind.
Nothing I can do
Will set me free
Or let me breathe.
These walls.
With no faces to fill them,
They are falling--
Crashing down around me.
Life is just a crazy mess.
I can't deal--
There are no people to surround me.
Who knew?
Life looks so bleak
Inside these walls.

Lean upon it fully
Nothing there can harm you

Comfort will you find there
Guidance can only help you

Never doubt it, never leave it
It is your stronghold--the Word.

Disperse the pain
And clear the air
I wish I could
Start over again
With you, and me--
Make better choices
So we wouldn't be
Caught in the void
Between us now
You're unreachable;
I wish I knew how
To bridge this gap
And make it right,
Please understand me;
I don't want to fight.

Invading my true love:
That of sanity.
Like a thief you stole away;
Left me helpless,
Unable to plea.

Share
And care.
Green peace--
Peaceful silence;
The river sleeps.
Soft white dust
Shines in the sky,
As waking moments
Keep passing by.
Treetops rustle
And hush each other.
On the banks,
Cattails and grasses
Intertwine.
As the water
Slowly sifts by
And the night air
Cools the earth,
Waking moments
Are passing by.

How do I deal? What can I do?
What will make me as normal as you?
But don't bother; just leave me be--
After all, you can't understand me.
My likes, my dislikes, so much wasted air!
All of it spent trying to get you to care.