you approach me,
telling me all these things about a girl,
someone that broke you and bretrayed you and made you feel worthless
because you everyday were worried about her
knowing nothing of her
and wanting to be there with her,
but instead she,
stabbed you in the back and played you like a fool.
am i her?
am i this sociopathic ***** you're talking about?
am i the girl who you wish for me, and my family and my entire race to die just because somewhere in the past you were betrayed?
it hurts you know,
to know that i could be this person
but you not having it enough to tell it to my face
but have it in you enough to want me and my family to die.
smiles, smiles, smiles
with lies hidden inside.
a smile that stabs you in the back when you turn.
if thats what you say about her
then i dont know what to say to you

without a touch
without words,
a kiss without a breath

****** expressions.
whispers.
moans.
i hear you next to me;
touches on my skin,
steal my heart
and ill appeal to you with lust

without a touch
without words,
a kiss without a breath

its been a while since i last heard from you
day after day and not a single word from you

you tell me not to be paranoid
but how am i not suppose to think about those things when i hear nothing from you
to think that you no longer want me
to think that i no longer have any significance for you

i miss you so much and not a word from you i get
not to mention your voice
your sweet, soft, beautiful voice
its been weeks since my pitiful body has heard your voice

i sometimes wonder if all those long chats over the months even mean anything
you'd tell me you feel these things and tell you the same
but how did we end up here
how did i end up suffering, begging for you to say something to me
anything

i wish you understood how much it hurts
how much you not being around makes my skin crawl
and how much it makes me want to scream
plead for you to say something

i just miss you, thats all

they told me what didn't **** me only made me stronger,
what they didn't tell me was that the burden of what could have killed me, should have killed me, was going to carry on for the rest of my life.
every waking day i see myself, and its just a constant reminder of all the things i've been through,
the days, the moments of pure happiness that i wish to react,
or the moments where i feel the need to die, the shame, the embarrassment of still having the capacity to breath, the ability to walk around carrying what isn't more than just cells and organs.
i am still alive because of what didn't **** me,
but is it for the better that i am stronger?
or is it just an excuse, a reasoning to the ones who've had more achievements in theirs lives.
maybe the journey to which i'm taking is a long and agonizing 'achievement'
but is it making me stronger?
am i honestly, truly going to be a better person just because I've lived and gone through moments where other haven't
maybe the time has yet to come for me to be 'stronger'
maybe i'm not realizing or seeing that this,
me right now,
was a stronger me than i was before,
but how is no one realizing that what doesn't **** you only haunts you for the rest of your life?
maybe we all choose to ignore that fact and instead give it a better name than what it already has
we've all been to different trails
we're all going on different ones now,
and the choices,
decisions,
and moments we see,
will continue to be with us for as long as we're going to exist.
for what i know now is that,
what doesn't **** me hasn't made me stronger,
its made me realize that its what im going to have to live with whether its
pain or joy,
tears or fear,
laughter or lust.
until it kills me,
it carries me with all my burdens and regrets
just as i carry my moments of love and joy

at the sight of your smile,
i stopped.

when pain comes,
it hurts
but when pain leaves
it hurts more

it hurts not having anything to fight for
it hurts knowing that its all over
it hurts when you depend on the pain to feel alive
it hurts when it all ends

you are more than time,
we are not certain if time lasts forever
but for now, it does

you are time,
my time
all of my time
whether you're running around in my head
or when im drifting off or gazing at the site of what you posses of me
i am yours for as long as time will last