Her vanity ;

Used eyeliners
Polished golden rings
diamond watches still ticking
Her favorite oud scents still preserved in their boxes
Pocket sized pictures of us as kids framing the mirror ,


Her vanity
Doesn't know

Oh i forgot to say ;

It was a lie
I never got over you
I couldn't love you less
It just never happened and
I'm not sorry for the lie that kept you close .

The corners of her mouth tuned ,
Slowly pressed her cheeks and revealed her teeth .
In her eyes was a glint that made my mind blink rapidly ,
It silenced and paused our surroundings .
They’re nothing but haze now
Setting a series of ripples across the calm waters of my chest
A rush that is shredding my soul
yet embracing it with warmth
As I reach the crest of whatever that was
I can see myself in the reflection
Of her eyes ,
scattered in denial that a simple curve of her lips was an allure
That draw me into her.

Before I close my eyes and surrender in peace you should know,

That I never liked the color grey till I met you.
And snowflakes never interested me .
Drawing used to consume my time
And writing was just a remedy.
Love seemed wicked
And friendship temporary.
I hated people
And my secrets were just mine .

I lived restrained in my own mental
Bars that I've locked myself behind
You bent the metal and held my hand out.
To find a beautiful world of us.
now i leave it all to you
            And close my eyes.

A five hundred piece puzzle is what I am . and i never get the will of solving my self out because there's only 499 pieces of me.

Till i found you, i found the missing piece.
I am five hundred again.
I still haven't got my pieces together but you can call me complete.

For the first time, i saw you
And i wish I didn't
because ,
I wish i sat closer to you
held your hand
hugged you
talked more
looked in your eyes
Or even felt your arms around me
I wish I thought of me
Or considered my own feelings
I didnt
I put you ahead of me
I wanted to see you smile
Even though im hurting me
I saw your eyes sparkle
I saw it in your words
And the tremble in your voice
You kept your gaze on her
When I just wanted a proper goodbye
But i walked away either ways
I knew it never would be me
And if we went back
I know that I'll always place you ahead and me behind.
Cause No matter what the cost was
i wanna see you smile.
I know it never will be me .

Don't talk to me .
I'm insane
i want something then i don't
i can't tell if i love you or i don't
its killing me to not know what i want
its like I'm detached in a way or another
im me but then I'm another who stands in my own way
im confident today and I'd go **** in front of you but just a few seconds later I'm covered all in black arms wrapped around my chest insecure
i can talk a lot and be all over the place and on that same day be gloomy sad and have teary eyes
am i me ? or am i that other person ?
I'm always on a struggle to know me
but i never figure me out
i've reached the point of not trusting myself
because I just don't know
what's wrong ?
My mom thinks I'm crazy
my dad thinks I'm still a teenager
my sisters don't respect me
and my friends find me weird
my closest friends think I'm mysterious
and I ? well I think I'm .
I don't know what I am
let me ask her .
why ? because somewhat i found that she's that one person
that helps me get rid of my demons
oh yeah haven't i mentioned them ?
they're about as many as the hairs growing off your skull
and **** do they talk !
I don't fight them I'm tired of it
and i've fallen many times trying to
but now their noise kind of is my silence .
I don't know your type of silence .
yes I do put  a dot after every sentence you know why ?
because Im afraid the words get unleashed .
there has to be a stopping point for them
because if not then i don't know .
I'm dying or maybe I'm dead .
why do i not know why am i struggling
maybe its just me
maybe its just me
maybe its just me
its just me
its just me
me
me
me
me
I don't know me
i never will
i give up

Funny that
I don't feel jealous ,
I don't crave your kisses ,
I don't miss your hugs or gentle touch ,
I don't need your calming voice ,
and certainly don't need you every single day.
  Pathetic that
I try to make myself believe
that it is funny .
But
I am jealous
I crave your kisses
  I miss your hugs and gentle touch
I need your calming voice
    And certainly need you every single day .

I have tamed my demons way too many times
yet they don't understand
that this time,
this love ,
just isn't meant to be .

They don't understand I'm keeping it in
away from the light
away from air
and whatever's keeping it alive.

I never meant to **** a soul
but this one
is mine
and killing it
wouldn't be considered a crime
so let me .
let me go gentle into that good night.

How about
We play pretend
You pretend that I'm not there
And I'll pretend you're all I own
You Pretend that I'm just a friend
And I'll Pretend you're everything else
We'll pretend that I wake up to see your eyes
And I'll pretend that I sleep in your arms
Let's pretend that you're you
And I'll pretend I'm me
Playing pretend with you

In a bubble
She crosses halls
Mingles silently
Walks up the curb
And down
She captures eyes
Barely the hearts of the observants
Not a single hiss,
Not a mutter nor a shrug
And she walks away leaving their eyes with nothing
Nothing to look at
But she leaves my heart
Hanging a few inches above ground .
Gravity has no hand in this
Only she does.

I don't get the butterflies you get in your stomach when in love cause what I feel are razors being shuffled up inside. How come love feels right to you? It's not ...
It's a case where you hand your beloved a knife ,
A gun ,
A weapon ,
And point it at yourself.

It is suicide
Beautifully embellished .