A five hundred piece puzzle is what I am . and i never get the will of solving my self out because there's only 499 pieces of me.

Till i found you, i found the missing piece.
I am five hundred again.
I still haven't got my pieces together but you can call me complete.

For the first time, i saw you
And i wish I didn't
because ,
I wish i sat closer to you
held your hand
hugged you
talked more
looked in your eyes
Or even felt your arms around me
I wish I thought of me
Or considered my own feelings
I didnt
I put you ahead of me
I wanted to see you smile
Even though im hurting me
I saw your eyes sparkle
I saw it in your words
And the tremble in your voice
You kept your gaze on her
When I just wanted a proper goodbye
But i walked away either ways
I knew it never would be me
And if we went back
I know that I'll always place you ahead and me behind.
Cause No matter what the cost was
i wanna see you smile.
I know it never will be me .

Don't talk to me .
I'm insane
i want something then i don't
i can't tell if i love you or i don't
its killing me to not know what i want
its like I'm detached in a way or another
im me but then I'm another who stands in my own way
im confident today and I'd go **** in front of you but just a few seconds later I'm covered all in black arms wrapped around my chest insecure
i can talk a lot and be all over the place and on that same day be gloomy sad and have teary eyes
am i me ? or am i that other person ?
I'm always on a struggle to know me
but i never figure me out
i've reached the point of not trusting myself
because I just don't know
what's wrong ?
My mom thinks I'm crazy
my dad thinks I'm still a teenager
my sisters don't respect me
and my friends find me weird
my closest friends think I'm mysterious
and I ? well I think I'm .
I don't know what I am
let me ask her .
why ? because somewhat i found that she's that one person
that helps me get rid of my demons
oh yeah haven't i mentioned them ?
they're about as many as the hairs growing off your skull
and **** do they talk !
I don't fight them I'm tired of it
and i've fallen many times trying to
but now their noise kind of is my silence .
I don't know your type of silence .
yes I do put  a dot after every sentence you know why ?
because Im afraid the words get unleashed .
there has to be a stopping point for them
because if not then i don't know .
I'm dying or maybe I'm dead .
why do i not know why am i struggling
maybe its just me
maybe its just me
maybe its just me
its just me
its just me
me
me
me
me
I don't know me
i never will
i give up

Funny that
I don't feel jealous ,
I don't crave your kisses ,
I don't miss your hugs or gentle touch ,
I don't need your calming voice ,
and certainly don't need you every single day.
  Pathetic that
I try to make myself believe
that it is funny .
But
I am jealous
I crave your kisses
  I miss your hugs and gentle touch
I need your calming voice
    And certainly need you every single day .

I have tamed my demons way too many times
yet they don't understand
that this time,
this love ,
just isn't meant to be .

They don't understand I'm keeping it in
away from the light
away from air
and whatever's keeping it alive.

I never meant to **** a soul
but this one
is mine
and killing it
wouldn't be considered a crime
so let me .
let me go gentle into that good night.