i'm going to die here, i know i will,
they change their scope of helping me,
every time i slide farther down the hill,
"you can have this pill at a certain time,"
"NO! Wait! We've changed our mind,"
"you can have it at this new time, how kind!"
"just make sure there's someone on who can tell the time.."

and if i lay here waiting, for what i may or may not get,
my hands will slowly tremble and my mind so deeply frets,
all alone in this wrinkled bed clothes, no one sees me yet,
but now the nurses have come to me with a little more regret:
"the doctor says you'll now have to wait 7 more hours for relief,
it seems he doesn't like being awaken at nighttime when he sleeps."

so, i get to feel my tears build up behind my bloodshot eyes,
no one is here at all to help me understand just why.
you should see me now alone trying so hard now not to cry,
all i feel is stunned, cold shock and this feeling that i will die
--i'm going to die here, bit by bit, inside out and all alone,
i don't know what to do or say, or how to make last atone,
for all i've done in my life, that has brought me to this place,
to compose this death-wish poem to read as tear-drops paint my face.

but, for now with nothing else left to do in my hospice room,
i do the last thing that i can do the best, just write and wait for doom.

is there anyone out there?
help, help, help me, i beg and try to plead!
will anyone please come here,
hold and hug me in my need?

i'm  going to die here,
and i'll be all by myself,
left alone like a broken knick-knack
on a dusty shelf.
___

it was right in front of me, the entire time.
it’s the end of the world now. at least before, I didn’t have you.
get ready for the bricks to rain down, we’ll run down the streets
and dodge the falling plaster with shredded eyes.

Some **** weird weather we get around here.

Could I have known you would have been perfect?
I didn’t ******* know.
And now, I’m trapped in your arms,
under this heavy sky.

it’s  a sad thing really, that you think my name is pretty,
that you think it’s cute that I hate ******-doo,
that you care when I cry about spilling soda on the carpet because life is just too hard.
that you like my refrigerator magnets so much.

I can’t do anything anymore, you’ve found my weakness for
sour gummies and tater tots, you ***.
I can’t do anything anymore, except give in.
hello.

The door is being closed
shutters fastened, curtains drawn
perhaps this is the moment
that is the dark before the dawn

Once closed it will not open
sealed shut forevermore
so please do not coming knocking
I'm not playing any more

Already colours start to change
their pigments slowly fade to grey
The sun moves in behind a cloud
adding shadows to decay

The brambles and the thickets grow
their thorns a natural defence
protecting solitary sanity
casting out hope and false pretence

Once the memory of a face has gone
that held the beauty of a rose
My withdrawal will be complete
and the door will finally close

A ribbon of notes float past the dawn
Childhood's gone, like a long-lost song;
Did you have to grow up, to find your place
And of that child, is there left one trace?

Their eyes are watching you, from the past
Why'd you have to grow up so fast?

Where are the prints from those tiny hands,
Busy with the work of becoming a man,
And where are the people who loved the child,
The innocent one, so sweet and mild?

Their eyes are watching you, from the past
Why'd you have to grow up so fast?

Putting all of childhood's things away,
You had to grow up and save the day,
Was it worth all the hurry and fuss
Along the way, what happened to trust?

Their eyes are watching you, from the past
Why'd you have to grow up so fast?

We hurry them up, from birth to death
Until they've got no time for breath
But something that precious should be cradled long,
Inside our hearts, like a perfect song.

You understand

Your enemy in war

You know they mean

To shoot between the eyes

But lovers tear

Your whole world apart

After they've disarmed you

With a smile