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River Aug 2018
Your words once intoxicated me
I inhaled deeply, against my better judgement
And allowed you to engulf me,
both my heart and my psyche
I ignored the lies
And reveled in the ignorance
Until the inevitable day came
When truth dawned on me like a blinding light
And obliterated every lie in it's white hot truth

I'm still in denial,
Not anymore about you
But about everything
The fact is that I'm an addict
to numbing myself
Because I can't face life's harsh realities
So I just keep running
Into oblivion
I shoot myself up with vices
Blindly wasting time on devices
And all sorts of unfulfilling endeavors
And so my double-mindedness persists
My my pain echoes loudly between my ears, and my gratitude is running low
But there is a deep inner knowing within me
that tells me, ever so softly
"Violet, you have to grow"
River Jul 2018
This is a poem for the ones who go unseen,
the ones who go unnoticed,
Who go through their life in a quiet reverie
Though they are of few words
There entire life is a dream
They don't get an influx of likes on social media,
No one is begging them for dates
They just do what they need to do,
While blending nicely into the background
Their minds are loud
But there lips refuse to make a sound

This is for the ones
Who think they don't belong
No one can see their pain
Because no one looks close enough these days
We're a surface level generation
Praising fool's gold
We fill our mind's with aggravation
And our lives are either extremes
of mania or stagnation
But then there are the unseen
Still reveling in all the simple things
They are the unobtrusive rebels of society,
The true rebels really
For they don't rebel on Instagram
They rebel, unwittingly,
For everything they do
Is in opposition to popular culture

I write this
To remind you all
To not overlook the underdog,
For they are the most riveting of people
Though they don't build a personal brand and a steeple
To advertise their life
They are the most genuine folk
Without a lick of pride

I haven't always been so cognizant
of the underdog's pain
I connect with them the most, of course
Because they really listen to me, and make room for my authenticity
But at times I've chosen to be vain
Ditching the underdog for the "cooler" crowd,
And all for social gain
And yet, surrounded by people with whom I do not have a sense of belonging
Loneliness echoes in my heart,
And it amplifies when I'm trying to fit in
It leads to deafening silence
And in the dead of night, hours of crying

But you don't need to be born an underdog
To change this social conditioning
For our whole lives our culture has programmed us to be on a mission,
To be better, more efficient
So we can gain success, so we can have superficial love
We're not merely automaton's with minds
We're sentient beings, with hearts that need to love
And *we're alive
River Jul 2018
the door cracked open
light flooded through that small crack
into the dark room

it's been dark for some time now,
years now
there is no way to be deliberate about this
when days take their own form
and harden, refusing to yield

and as an artist
I want to contort things to my own liking
I want to create my own reality
yet for this endeavor the price is high
for my days become full of useless striving
chasing all I think I want
but I'm left bewildered
when I find that everything I've chased all along
Has always been within me

for now I have a ***** in the armor of my heart
but soon my heart will no longer need armor
for it's love will shine forth,
mighty and true
it will be radiant and powerful
that it will no longer need
the injured identity and poorly constructed walls
the armor is comprised of
for the heart in it's authenticity
is the most potent force in all the universe
when we vow to live our lives with integrity
then we have promise ourselves
that we will break free from the rat race--
the endless suffering
of a purposeless life.
River Jul 2018
to tell you the truth,
I'm a nobody
searching in this world,
all this useless striving
Just trying to be a somebody
even though I've repeated the sinner's prayer many times
I'll never quite be saved from myself
and this is why I'll always stick close to God
Because God loves me like no one else

It's just funny, you see
because the earth is populated with billions of people
but I can't seem to find ones that genuinely love me
we really never learned how to love,
we love useless things instead
commodities that rot
but we don't know how to do what is most important,
and that is living from our heart

but this is why I lean on God,
God, my magnificent creator
and by this I know
I am infinitely loved
And I don't need
human love to confirm this to me.
River Jul 2018
Ah, the sky is so grand
Absolutely riveting,
Expansive blue
dancing with the viridescent hills below
I breathe it all in
And hold my breathe
I forget to exhale
And fall
Downward laughing wildly
Into an infinite spiral
Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole

People think your imagination is in your mind
But really it's in your heart
It's all your secret yearnings
tucked quietly away
Until your head hits your pillow
And the images of your dreams come alive

My dreams
Are made of iridescent spheres of pure love
Crystalline energy
Rising through this body made of
Earth and Stars
Love is beckoning me
To open up to my limitless dreams
And drop the pretenses, the learned act
The conformed suffering, the days of slack
I feel God itself beckoning me
To open to this tsunami of love
Let it wreck me, wide open
So love can forever flow through me.
River Jul 2018
Remember this
As it swiftly drips from your grip
Remember this
As the image your eyes see
Will erode through time
Leaving behind only a fragment in your mind
Remember this
As you look
Blankly into the screen
This life is not all that it seems
It passes by so quickly
So stop and take notice
Absorb and embrace
And try to remember
Before it's all erased.
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