Air is always crisp, no
matter where I am

Cool air swirls into my lungs
I think, I think and I think
I'd like to shut off this part of me
that over-analyzes
Because I have this feeling
that if I just quiet my mind
I'll experience such profound insight
like never before
It sounds counter intuitive,
But ceasing to verbalize
just may be the gateway to
most of our solutions

When I dream
I go places or do things unfathomable
I use to live quite an unfathomable life
Even though back then I was really depressed
and disassociated
When I look back, it's weird
Because it seems to me like
I should have been having the best times of my life
But really I was just in situations
That looked fun and thrilling
But I was just so perturbed back then
I lived as wildly as Hunter S Thompson back then
Or maybe I was like Jack Kerouac,
On The Road
It sounds fun
But I was just always on the run
Always trying to escape to the point
of escaping my own mind by dissociating
Looking into the mirror and feeling so distant
from the reflected image
Taking dangerous concoctions of alcohol and drugs
And not a moment of my waking life
was their a point where I wasn't high on ****
Making that Mary Jane be my codependent lover
One I couldn't live without
Even with the paranoia and the panic attacks...

Last night I had a dream
that I smoked **** again
And my throat closed up
and I started choking...
In that dream I remember what it was like
Back in my senior year of high school
I can barely remember
It was all just an excruciatingly painful blur
I wake up to my reality,
and although it's not all I want it to be
I couldn't be more grateful
That I'm out of the self sabotage
With a healthier personality
It's weird to think of who I used to be
Because of how much I've changed
I can't believe that was who I used to be
Radically reformed is my identity
It's just really weird, you see
It's beyond human reason
to understand this change
that has happened in me.

I saw a glimpse of you
A glimpse of me
Glimpsing at reality

And it was profound, you see
It was rounder than this sound
and it was prevalent and all around

The truth could not be extracted, compartmentalized
or sequestered
It could not be conquered or skewed
It just was, and that was the happy and sad news

I saw us in a dream
Looking surreal and serene
Looking into eyes inhibited
Secrets locked behind doors,
When would they be opened?

Time is awaiting it's appointment,
Soon.
Soon a glimpse will become a stare
And before you know it
What you once saw will not be there
And maybe you won't even care.

Instead of asking yourself: Will this matter in 5 years?
Ask yourself: Will this matter in a billion years?
NOPE.

God please forgive me for my curious ways
From this disposition I can't be saved
I can't refrain
from the difference in my soul
I'm disconnected from the whole
Can't You see?
I try so much to fit in and conform
I cry out to you about this but You never seem to hear my pleas
I thought I'd make you happy if I was the same
If I dressed in starched linen and changed my name
I thought only then would I be able to see
You, God, clearly
Because that's my truest and sole desire
To know God for myself, to see God's eyes
Wide and on fire

But could it be
That I'll never see
You when I'm blinded by religion and
fear
I'll never feel you, hear you or
touch you
When conformity is creeping up my skin
How could I see?
Maybe without words,
or reason
or logic
Maybe by forgetting it all
I'll remember
Who God is.

Ocean blue
Washing over me
I feel pleased and relieved and at ease
I close my eyes and see my childhood memories
I feel the nonchalance of my young self's naivete
Only in God's presence can I truly release
The strain of this flesh and
the push of society

I used to watch National Geographic all the time
when I was a kid
Sometimes I would watch deep sea divers
I would imagine being a deep sea diver myself
when I grew up
Now, I've yet to deep dive in a literal ocean
But I've recently been deep diving into the
Realm of spirituality

I see
Darkness and Light
In this realm
Sometimes,
my heart becomes curious of the darkness
It wants to understand what is concealed
What is distorted, what my eyes can't easily
perceive
But a call to Light is beckoning within me
It says
Get out of darkness, confusion, deception.
Truth resides only in the light,
It is Open, and never hidden, as darkness hides
Darkness is heavy, it weighs you down
You try to hide it,
But it's visible on your face
Light is buoyant
It brings you to the surface
It brings you life, Light fills you and
Renders you Alive.

Smiling masks dipped in gold
They slather glitter on their bodies so gross
They make idols of themselves
Having people bow down to
Their false identity
They're humans,
But everything on them is plastered
Everything for them is about
Efficiency, getting what they want faster
I guess you can say
That once what they really desired was love
But they realized love is one mess of a drug
So they constructed and hid behind
a mechanical identity
So all of humanity
Could worship the feigned perfection
of the false idols
That they wished to be.