what the mind thinks, the body becomes*

If I continuesly hate myself
For the way I look
Will my body not become resentfull
Surely, nobody wants to be
Told off all day long

Today a lady said to me
Don't change, now you look good
I resisted the urge to say
"I looked good 10 kilos ago"
It makes sense that others don't see it
They don't love their own bodies

So instead I told her
"Love your body and it will love you back"
However never use your love
As a conditioning technique
It will surely backfire.

So if I close my eyes
And tell my hands to type a word
They will surely do so
Not just because I can blindtype
But because my body knows how.

And if I close my eyes
And tell my body to hold on
To the last thing I see as I fall
My hands will never miss
Such is the intelligence
Of the mind-body connection.

So if I tell my body
You can adjust to anything painlessly
Surely she can do so

She has done it many times before
Even as I resisted the urge to run away
In order not to rip myself apart
But I never ripped
Because my vessel
Is as flexible as I humbly request her to be
And she knows it.

That old guy I know
That's you
I've watched you
Grow old and age
I always wondered
When your black hair
Would turn gray
It did eventually.
Why couldn't I have black hair?

Now you take
A whole arsenal of medication
And your kideys gave up
I bet your liver
Functions on pure anger
And you're only still here
Because you're too scared to die

I think I'd miss you.
Even though we share
A wide range of genetic information
You have never been around
Never reached out
Even though you could hear me cry
Never looked up
While I basically hung up side down.

I still love you
The only person I ever trusted
To never let me fall.
Granted you never saw me fall
Because you never
Wanted to look
That's ok
I never missed having a dad
I'm not even sure I know
What that means

I'm not resentfull
I know you enjoy my antics
That you love the crazy **** I pull
That I could tell you anything
Because you are probably worse
That I can make fun of you
Pins and needles
And that you know
That that's just me saying
I love you

Without ever really saying it
Because I know
That it would make you cry.
I know how hard it is for you
When I hug you
When I kiss you
When I curl up against you.
It makes you cry
Because it reminds you
Of  a time when you knew
You were worthy of such affection.

I just wish you hadn't
Changed your last name.
Now it's different from mine.