The feeling of emptiness in a neighborhood I used to visit, and seeing your house, where we used to lay, and an empty backyard.
I felt myself fall in and out of love all overagain.
I still feel very small and I meant it when i said the memories meant everything to me.
And I go into the woods and the silence drowns out everything
the tree branches take over the skies creating the negative spaces I wish I could fit into.
the world sits still. But my heart is racing.
everything is dark and the little lights flicker
images projected on the sides of houses
and the memories blend together.
apologizes written on sidewalks and short films on a camcorder.
I want this feeling to be transformed into something
It is a feeling I can't explain
a feeling i almost can't feel
hands tighten on the steering wheel
and I'm suddenly in the city
where everything is fast and I am still.
nothing here belongs to you.
and I don't remember anything
the noise engulfs everything.
shadows of the people, and the streetlights
and their bodies close together.
I feel far from everything,
And I wonder if you meant it when you said
nobody would ever love me.
I wrote our names in a bathroom stall in Portland
so somewhere we could seem permanent
and I tell myself you're just a girl I used to know-
but I don't know if I ever knew you at all.
I look for you in everyone.
I can't find you.
I still feel very small.