I express my emotions with a mirror picture of myself in a happy place. When the truth is that the emotion I might or may be feeling is filled with rage And Anger.

How can one keep this up? Only for so long trying to get out of this rabbits hole only gets harder and harder as the more the rabbit tries the weaker it gets.

To understand my strength i must become friends with my weakness guiding my Negative thoughts through this hard time. To become friends with my positive feelings set them free and let the two become one, I have to find the balance or will end up like humpty dumpty who fell of the wall.

Emotions shatted with no one to pick the pieces up! I can’t hate can only forgive and forget and as I do I expect you to it’s the principle you would think? But the world is not so round.

The calm water on a Sunday morning may seem like that but beneath this place of calm water is utter madness and chaos.

Thoughts take control take your clothes off jump in the water go under and control this chaos that can’t be seen from where I’m standing. My mind is racing like a flock of geese flying north away from the winter to some were nice and warm.

Which path should I take? Don’t want to go the wrong way or hard way because the more it races the more they get consumed by!

“PANNIC” “GUILT” “HAPPINESS” “SUCCSESS" You shouldn’t throw stones if you live in a glass house iv been labeled i should go and get a bar code with my MED Numbers tattooed all over my body! I’m not a leader or a follower but I am only human just like you and everyone else.

My thoughts have now become my Drug addiction craving for this and that I’m addicted for wanting to be loved and respected, Love is a big word but feels and brings out a lot of pain and respect for one’s self. Do you believe in love or just the thought of having a peace of mind Love and anger are just thoughts that tend to affect our daily moods.


Can one describe how your mind and heart works with out laughing or crying? I don’t think so! Like getting up in the morning brushing your teeth making your dinner then going back to sleep. This “DEPRETION” And feelings of loneliness becomes a habit in your daily life.

  I then think that this habit needs to change like reading a novel you have to change to the next page to know how the story goes or ends! So with this illness I’ve got to change this page so that these days next time i take a bed time story book it will have a happy ENDING.

Jidos Reality 18.2.2010