I wish I caught chickenpox two months and two weeks ago.
Who would have imagined the painful discomfort,
to have a direct correlation with remodelling my rationality.
Even after a speedy recovery and two weeks later, the scars
on my otherwise genetically-blessed-clear-face, and all over
my rather well shaped body symbolises a deep story.
Life is not worth wasting on those who don't care enough.
As insomnia struck night after night, mixing thoughts with
nightmares and episodes of Vampire Diaries excessively
watched through out the day on a laptop balanced on my
torso as I laid on my sick bed, I had plenty of time to think.
I thought about how Mr. X only contacts me when he
needs comfort, solace, assurance, care, all on his terms.
Mr. Y, only to gloat how he just had *** or if he needed
an ego boost, and he stopped texting all together long ago.
Mr. Z, who I thought was going too well to be true bailed
after our first date got cancelled due to me catching the pox.
All in all at every stage in my life for the past decade,
I have wasted my time on a Mr. Wrong and it's pathetic.
Apart from having a date on Valantine's day, making out,
endless string of inspiration to write shallow poetry,
I have gained nothing but heart break and sad memories.
The one time my mother would quote Beyonce to say,
they all turned out to be the best thing I never had.

I thought it was time for a remodelling,
Another story to tell, pretty
darling.

So I took the ringmaster's whip,
You see? Durable. It'll last us
this night.

The next night, oh we needed to
mix it up. I took the the gypsy's
advise.

Our future was bleak. Make the
most of it. You see? This is
Better. Much better.

Fortune teller said it was a
"matter of time." ****. We
best get a move on.

  I thought you looked good
hanging from the trapeze.
Maybe too far.

lots of lost souls
traumatised beings
polluted and infected
unstable and rejected

making the decision to remain comfortably numb
or deciding to seek change
they step into your office,
and finally step out of their pain

on the verge of breaking…
a warm, lilac, reassuring presence rests on their skeleton
natural, comfortable, strong and feminine
delicately unpicking their man-made wounds

and eventually assisting us to blossom, love and live
this wise woman is in motion
so much depth and guidance to give
your light is so bright, consisting of security and devotion

we’re all on our journeys out of the fog
knowing that it’s going to be spectacular
simplifying and remodelling our internal monologue
with your help, we will eventually regain our power

you value the whispers of each symptomatic soul
welcoming every single dynamic individual
some are so mild & timid
but some are so rock ‘n’ roll

thank you for taking the time
thank you for making me shine
i now know its ok to not ‘be fine’
i am so grateful for your ability to re-align

so thank you, for one last time

x