**** words fail what is it you want sick hearing about god get attached won’t let go close eyes imagine foreign exotic lands strange beautiful women tentatively open eyes hours later where am i what happened

chicago 1991 bartender Jerry dressed in black pants white shirt black bolero thinks Odysseus intelligent funny hooks him up with drinks Odysseus and Jerry banter libertine remarks “what’s up with you tonight Jerry?” “i wish my life had more balance i work too much i’m getting stressed serving drunks like you” Odysseus smashes cigarette into ashtray orange embers break up smoke smolders drifts Jerry empties ashtray Odysseus says “balance is a funny thing Jerry it’s not necessarily symmetric like yin yang symbol what if balance manifests in form of 9 parts darkness to 1 part light envision powerful bright beam shooting through nine degrees of night” Jerry replies “never thought about it that way you mean like yin-yin-yin-yin-yin-yin-yin-yin-yin-YANG!”  Odysseus laughs “exactly the question is is life just a big joke? what if the world is made up of nine parts evil and hatred to one part goodness and love?  what if the total equation is godless? does existence have a point other than amusement?” Jerry answers “don’t get philosophical on me Odys where is this going or do i already know?” Odysseus expounds “what is more captivating than a woman embarrassed? Jerry did you ever tease torture a woman with feathery touch tongue then finally give her pleasure” Jerry grins nods walks to other end of bar Odysseus drinks 10 or 12 double absolute vodkas on the rocks smokes pack of cigarettes scribbles on cocktail napkins Jerry serves listens Odysseus gestures hands spews out words “this is my church this is how i absolve my hurting let us drink to our own annihilation perhaps some good will come what more fun is there than to desecrate one’s self? to the last man standing” he toasts priding himself with strong constitution a female regular sitting at bar comments “sometimes you can be such a ***** what’s wrong with you Odys? you used to be so sweet you’ve changed you’re still in the game but you’re so cooked black on all the edges” he mumbles “hmmmm” walks home blind drunk led by his dog maybe that state of blind drunkenness is about Oedipus plucking out his eyes because he does not want to see truth

Marilyn Monroe was beautiful
She was sad,
yes oh so sad.
want
people either wanted her
or
wanted to be her.
She is gone yet
you can feel her sadness
you can see her beauty.
It is stored like a jewel
in the places she is immortalized,
magazine ads
movies
posters
books
the internet.
Her sadness made her beautiful
as well as her happiness.
Aren’t we all a little of both?
Yin and Yang
Her happiness was so
extreme
her sadness was so
extreme
yin
yang
her balance was intoxicating
you cant look away
beautiful so so so **** beautiful
I want to be that
I want people to stare while I walk by.
I get a rush when I feel the eyes staring
at me.
Power, I feel powerful when I walk bye
and his eyes are burning through me
but I never stop I just walk right by him
he will never have me.
I feel power but I am scared.
of him
of me
ying
yang
gemini
her and I
the sign of the twins
2 minds one body
ying
yang
what a confusing thing to be a gemini
I hate it
no I love it.
base my life of the stars?
crazy most people say
no, everything is connected
me
the stars
you
marilyn
we are all connected.
champagne
pills
numb the pain she said.
Sweet, people call me sweet
****, people tell me
I am ****
yin
yang
Sweet and **** oh I am
a lucky girl to be both.
not one day no
there is not a day I would deny
a glass of champagne
or
happiness compressed
into that white white
pill
mask the pain
embrace the pleasure.
I want love
I want so many men to fall
in
love with me,
that I will let so many drop
and fall
because I only have 2 arms to catch them.
But it wont matter
they will come
crawling back
again and again.
love
hate
yin
yang
Intoxicating
you wont be able to get away.
you can’t, no one can
run run
Did I ever tell you? Me and Marilyn are quite the same.