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Saddest Author
I'd hardly call it living    Before anyone tells me I'm too young Don't be naive Age does not define intelligence Age does not signify pain Age does not determine ones …
SaddestTurtle
28/M   

Poems

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
Today is the saddest day of my life.
Sad because, I have lost my sense of smell.
Her scent will no longer tease my nose toward her,
I will never smell perfume, sweat, or ***
flowering aromatic recall - the strongest recall of memory is lost.
Soon, like puddles in the hot sun, she will begin to dissipate.

Today is the saddest day of my life.
Sad because, I have forgotten how to see.
The sweet beautiful curves in her face,
her smile, her brilliant body, her great bright eyes,
if only I had made the time to memorize it.

Today is the saddest day of my life.
Sad because, my tongue has gone dumb.
Chocolates and ash, all tastes the same.
I no longer want to eat,
it all tastes of grey.
Never again will taste her lips or her tears.
I will never say, I love you again.

Today is the saddest day of my life.
Sad because, my ears can no longer find sound.
I will never be comforted by her sweet calls or pet names.
Music will no longer touch my heart.
No one will ever yell at me or sing to me.
I will never hear, "I love you" again.

Today is the saddest day of my life.
Sad because, today, I have lost my ability to feel.
I will never be hugged close and snuggled.
She will never kiss me under mistletoe or on new years, or ever at all.
I will never make love again, feel her silky skin against mine, or an ******* release.
Fire cannot warm my soul anymore.
And nothing will cool the burning in my head.

I am blind, deaf, and dumb.  I hear nothing.  I feel nothing.  I am numb.
One of my oldest poems. Written in 2001 and revised in 2013. Inspired by my first love, and revised for my last.  12 years later, and it doesn't get any easier...
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


translated by W.S. Merwin