Falling deep down into a saddening abyss
Though I fall
And I’ve hit rock bottom
There’s someone to catch me
To make me happy
Andrew, Lindsay, mom, Dad, all those
Who have cared to love me
Who I depend on
Who gave me power,
Power to be who I am
To make you feel my love
I must share
Share my thoughts
Feelings
Today I share them with you
My words of wisdom
Of woe
My troubles. My faults. My life.

Dependent,
Although not independent
It is still important to be.
Family
There and strong
They have your back
Even if you’re wrong
Uncle.
Abusing family at a young age
Came to realize
How much  he had fazed out his family
The ones who cared
Coming back to life
Reality and love
Accepted back into open arms that were never closed
As if yesterday was forgotten
Because it was
Uncle.
I’ve called uncle.
Ready to give up
But those loving arms bring me back.
I was taught to give compassion
My family my own example
As Mitch does for his brother,
My family did for my uncle.
Laughter.
Sarcasm is strong
Runs through this family like blood through fat veins
In my house you must have’
Nerves of steal
To survive one meal
Not against the food
But the mood
Judgmental
One word against my father
Teasing, prodding,
To me much more than my brother.
I take it hard
I do admit
But who doesn’t want to be daddy’s little perfect gift
Of pride
Of belongingness
To feel as if I’m doing something right
To feel wrong gives me a fright
we do okay
we occasionally blame
blame it on the doctor
who hurt my mother
vacations
in smoky Cleveland
Where j-walking is an Olympic sport
Cleveland became my hell
It taught me to be strong
Because I had family
Beside me, even if sharing a bed out of the question.

A friend
Andrew once told me
When  I was lonely, tired, and sad
To” close your eyes, and sleep. Let your dreams wash away your fears, then take on tomorrow.”
I don’t think he realized
But maybe he did
This saved me
Thousands of words
Exchanged past lips of knowledge
Hours of conversations
And this one line finally gives me rest
I ask him
What would the final words be
He won’t say
He won’t say because I don’t need to know
I won’t ever have to find out
He’s there for me
More than anyone before
Gets me through a hard day
And makes the next one
It’s a kind of love that can’t be described
It’s changed me
Made me more intelligent
Lindsay
Ginger
Energetic
Sister separated at birth
Soothes me even when she’s countries away
Ireland is lucky
Ha-ha luck of the Irish
Impacted my lonely self
Cracked my shell and poured me into the world
Where i expressed myself
Through piano
And vocal harmonies
In practice rooms
Late to class
Reluctant to leave
I would never have shared my voice if it wasn’t for a friend like that
Years ago I would have tested an introvert
Friends and peers around me
Reaching inside me and pull the extrovert outta me
Now cold
I slink into remission
Wishing I could trust
But I have learned
From mistakes.

Happiness
A well rounded word
The meaning of happiness? The pursuit.
A smile is like a flower
Blooming with care
For a flower
Water and sun maybe all it needs
For me. I need family
Friends
A reason
Used to be known.
Known as the girl who always laughed
Not anymore
I’m on my own pursuit
Pursuit to find what stops my flower from blooming
Might be the feeling of abandonment
Biological
A man who never wanted me
My own father
Not the mad maestro we all know and love
The dark cloud
Who blocks my sunshine
Not the sun who cared for me when no one would
Happiness  Requires passion
Happiness is WORK
Work I need to start
Looking for that job
Applying my feelings to the cause
Morrie had it right
People crawl through their average live
Never noticing the trees
The beauty in the world
It’s a fast crawl.

Life has a philosophy
One learned from experience
Learned from love
Learned from family
Learned from peers
That gives you happiness
Wait re word that
Gives you the ability to be happy
Make life your own
Live it everyday
And have someone to fall to

It's become apparent that I accept
death as it's inevitable. Now, don't
confuse my acceptance of it with asking to
be marked with my personal ending.
If death has marked itself upon me, I
can truly say that I have lived a great
life. I'm sure you're asking as to how
I've lived a great life in such a short
span of time.

I've over come a lot of personal
obstacles; challenges that I have
never expected to accomplish. I've
risen against depression that
plagued me for years. I've opened
up to others for I realize I need my
friends just as much as they need
me. Last, but not least, I've
conquered my fear of conveying my
emotions that used to be trapped in
an infernal prison deep inside the confines
of my mind. These three obstacles
hindered me in the highest caliber
in regards to living a great life.

So yes, I accept death and I do
welcome it in open arms when it
extends its eventual invitation
because deep down, I'm content
with how everything has fallen
into place within my life. In the
end, when you learn how to die,
you learn how to live.