Missing that old life means you've grown and preparing for something more. Reject becomes easy to expect since no one could provide a reason. After being denied a few times life feels like you're living in denial.
Thinking of ways to exist and stand out just to be ignore talked about. Once you stop caring by focusing on what you love the world doesn't seem so dark. Trying to please people who don't like you that made up their mind about you. Tired of explaining yourself to people that aren't interested in your life.