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Fish The Pig Jun 2014
They told me I looked beautiful
in that long purple dress,
and I so would have liked to compliment them back
and carry on a conversation-
but I only said "thank you"
and could not force another word out.

I don't understand why it's so hard.
Why my brain shuts down
in fear of having to speak.

why when he jokes about his fear of Luna Bars
my mind laughs and says "and why is that?"
but in reality all I said was an awkward "oh?"

why when they attempt to discuss
and associate
and connect
I gain a one syllable one maybe two word vocabulary.

I don't understand why my voice is so afraid.
I listen with stapled lips
Waiting
My predator, prey, and companion
I don't know if it's safe to rip the silence out of me
I can't trust myself to move
So I sit as this black and silver storm cloud builds up inside me
Threatening to tear me to shreds if I continue to stay silent
And I stay silent
The words ache at the back of my throat
And I refuse to say them
Better to embrace my sticky metal suicide
Than the predator slash through my flesh and veins
Better to waste away in my lyric starvation
Than let a beast **** me
A metaphoric storyish proseish thingy.
The North Star  Mar 2014
My Voice
The North Star Mar 2014
Isn't it funny how we underestimate the power of our voices?
this sound that emanates from our throats, formulating words...
...are not just noises

Right?
I'm guessing it's pretty silly to assume that our voices are just perfectly placed noises, combining to converse with others, argue with others, woo others, defend others, offend others...

And it occurs to me that my voice, is not used the way I want it to be
instead, it's being limited. Limited to the sombre pleasures of others
entertaining people who probably don't bother, much about me
instead my voice is caged up, way up in my own thoughts

They say talking to yourself is the first sign of schizophrenia
do people who fear talking talk to themselves? Glossophobia they call it.
I say talking to others contributes to our enraging insanity
the society that conceals my voice, taints the will to be heard.

One day I got up from my seat in class to say a speech
I was surprised with what I was about to meet.
first came the silence, then the bafflement
people for the first time got the chance to hear my voice

Bewilderment? yes, Endearment? no
for what they heard was not the sound of a nightingale in the forest
but rather the sound of an emancipated prison screaming to the reaches of the farthest

The scene made me sit back and assess
my life looking back needed to be addressed
A voice isn't supposed to be internalised, is it?
But why do I struggle to break out?

Why is it so hard to let people hear my voice?
Why, why, why

My answer?

That's what you get when you underestimate the power of your voice.

— The End —