Friends of Friends

A cup of ocean, steaming like an elixir-
boiling empty water like a primordial sauna.
We drink to the thought of a flawed philosophy.
Cheers.
Cuttting all the corners as we skate around our grey garden.

We are friends. We are the friends of friends. We drink thoughts, slurp insight-
trip on _ to Plotinus, dig to Polycarp, copulate
in the stretched shadow of a specter, a long
skeleton Marxist,
beard coated in Ketchup-
Butcher entrails. **** the saintly each other.
Never stop. Ingesting. Breathing in. Spitting out.
Friendly manifestos, heartfelt wine grinning slipping spitting
blood forever-

You’re a fat cherub. Coated, winking, grinning, sleeping, *******-
you are not special.

On the average day,
Laziness takes a grip and forces you back into the bed.
The blankets have a magnetic pull-
Head pounds. Throbbing like a siren, in and out.
You are-
You’re slushy, like a spring day. Lethargic. Sleepy. Reading.

The day soon transforms-
the restless night comes catcalling-
The slurred voice, indiscernible- indescribable
an existing ode, folklore describing the lonely confines of an empty savior.

Not a hymn, but a dirge. A lonely gysm.
A struggling complex-
a grimy,  violated existence of crust. A damp home, a purlieu,
a place to occupy, a dug tunnel dug bed-rest, burrowing in filth like a worm-

Eyelids drooping. Socks wet. Keep them on-
you’ll get sick, but that’s alright.
Bled out from the scrapes and cuts.
Doing nothing ever ever sure does drain the life outta you.

There’s a little stick in your finger where a pin pushed through.
Bood peeked out like little specks,
like crimson blotchy roses- you smeared, painted
the front of an empty milk carton,
turning the white cardboard
red.
It’ll get infected. You should- no, you won’t, because-
you are a tiny splinter. An infection. A tapeworm.
Eating, feeding, relentless, biting-
the cold draining storm. The white fleck
landing on a bushy eyebrow and sticking-
drinking. For the warmth. For the cold. For the love of nothing,
Whiskey. *****. Sprite, Sprite and Whiskey, Sprite and *****, Salt Lime And Tequila, Gin Tonic *** Coke, endless libations to only gods you know-
an existence, expansive in scope,
covers the ****** of every friend of friend, every sick sad joke-
acquaintance, take it- cadence, leave it-

call a cab with a friend
or a friend of a friend on a lonesome morning,
stumble and fall and ***** perhaps.
Stick the head in the endless *** and
call the bray of the donkey an ******* shrill.
It's not a fib. It's not a lie.
It's an exaggeration.
Blast the mix-tape-
Dig to Hobbes- shuffle out the door while
some Neoplatonist ******* you feign to
understand loops around twists stabs maliciously inside
the skull of the your own Neanderthal
head-

The Sun is eclipsed, for how long? I do not know
It used to be warm, cheery and a source of energy
Now, just blackness, bitterness, and an ugly taste in my mouth

The darkness has been my enemy for most of my life
Unable to share the reasons this is for fear of it taking over
My dreams try to clean my mind as the inky black eats away at me

Praise, compliments, hope, prayers, and well wishes work against the eclipse
Honestly they just don't break through that evil and vile black
You might wonder why, but it is something that must be felt not told

It is soo dark the ring around the outside is blinding but it lights up nothing
Self-doubt, Self-worth, Self-esteem, feelings of being ****, desireable, all being slurped up with the thick dark energy
Words, words, words, and more words they don't begin to help

The glimmer of hope is squashed with one word from him
I have become a married girlfriend as she becomes a girlfriend wife
How ****** up is that?  Do you not see?  I cannot breathe as it suffocates me

The eclipse is not an eclipse at all it is him cuttting off all light that makes me thrive
He makes sure I am helpless to fight by making sure I am numb
It is a mind **** for sure that I cannot see

I work hard to push the thick indigo away
It is brought back with one word, or one look
Offering help with one hand as the other stabs my heart

I pray and show strength for our child
Needless to say she knows the truth and says I am not hiding it well
What the hell am I supposed to say when he leaves to go out with friends?

Her tears feed the beast that burdens me
The fears make it stronger and more overwhelming each day
It is winning can't you see?  Taking over with each passing hour

The nights I turn and reach out for him
Night after night the rock always there
Now it feels like quicksand ******* me down

I am numb, why can't I fight?  What is stopping me?
Tell him to get out they say, Make him leave
If I do that the murkiness will turn to something worse

The cimmerian shade looms day by day
His words are from a serpant's tongue trying to have it both ways
I am being consumed by something worse than incurable cancer
It is taking all of my independence and ****** self confidence away

SMACK
Yes that would sound good, as my hand met her face
I ask myself what has this world come to when a young woman's parents think it is ok for her to break up a solid family

You ******* ***** Jennifer
STOP
Tell Him to go to her and learn that the grass is always greener when all you do is play, no responsibility, no bills to pay
He is the idiot not you
He is the one breaking the vow said before God and all
Let the darkness consume him and chase it away from me*

If only I could say all of that but I love far to much
Crazy I know, as I watch the concealing darkness consume me*

Don't let this happen to you, hold on tightly and keep faith in your heart

_______________

I realize this poem does not make a lot of sense.  It is very cathartic for me.  I don't expect anyone to like it or say it is any good.  It was just something I needed to write and get out of my mind.  Thank you everyone.