I cannot sit still, I cannot stop thinking
My body is fidgety, just picture me anxious
Butch finally called me back
Despite my lack
Of effort to meet her the first time she called
On the day of meeting her and all the gay community, she or her confidence did not seem flawed
I wanted to turn around, I wanted flee, I was so nervous, but to my surprise
The gay community was so warm and welcoming and butch’s firm handshake, poise, and intense glare had me hypnotized

Butch called and now I am in this room getting counseling and all my emotions are coming out
And now I’m feeling confused about school, friends, my sexuality, I don’t know who I am, I am having doubts
Butch better have a good solution for all these emotions she is making me spew out
Because now I’m feeling awful and I am having doubts, yeah I’m having some doubts

So it’s really hard for me to open up and talk because I’m so shy
But butch was nice and all, around her I felt comfortable, I never felt compromised
Butch is like my knight in shining armor or angel in disguise
If she wasn’t so much older than me, I would advert these eyes
So by the end of the session I’m feeling a little better
I have to give it up to butch, she is rather caring and cleaver

Butch called and now I am in this room with her behind a closed door
And I don’t feel so anxious anymore
I’m opening up and all my emotions are coming out
I’m slowly finding out who I am, I’m not having any more doubts
Butch called, butch called
And now I don’t feel so flawed
Butch helped all these emotions come to surface, helped them all come out
And now I feel I can handle anything, school, friends, my sexuality, I know who I am, I am no longer having doubts

Senior year of high school
I was having some teenage issues
And started acting out
I wanted everyone to see my pain, feel my pain, I wanted everyone to hear me out
The school was concerned and attributed my acting out to my sexuality and demanded I seek help
They recommended I go to an LGBTQ youth center and talk to someone but I just brushed it off and thought this is crazy
So one day not expecting it I get a phone call from this lady
I guess she was from the gay and lesbian place ‘cause that’s what she said
She was a lesbian and said that she could help me get out of purgatory
That sounded nice and all but I was already there for three and a half years and gotten kind of used to the territory
I guess she was a butch
She sounded like a butch
She wanted me to come up there to talk
And I thought all man what the ****
I didn’t want to go up there, I wasn’t prepared
I didn’t know what to say, what to expect, I was scared
I was hoping I didn’t have to talk to her again
So I said if butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

Back on that day when she called
She asked a lot of questions
Questions I couldn’t answer
Being this young and confused wasn’t easy
Butch knows, she was there
I wasn’t ready to tell anyone what I was feeling inside, I didn’t think she would really care
Even though she sounded genuine I didn’t want to give her that chance to help me, I was full of abandonment issues and fear

So I said
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

I don’t care, just tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

Butch only called back once
But no one was home
She never called back
But if she does
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here