Those lines that I before have writ do lie,
Even those that said I could not love you dearer;
Yet then my judgment knew no reason why
My most full flame should afterwards burn clearer,
But reckoning Time, whose millioned accidents
Creep in ‘twixt vows, and change decrees of kings,
Tan sacred beauty, blunt the sharp’st intents,
Divert strong minds to the course of alt’ring things—
Alas, why, fearing of Time’s tyranny,
Might I not then say, “Now I love you best,”
When I was certain o’er incertainty,
Crowning the present, doubting of the rest?
    Love is a babe; then might I not say so,
    To give full growth to that which still doth grow.

nervousness
is a disease imbedded in my veins
blackening my lungs
shaking my legs
and shaking down the leaves of my reason tree.
falling to the ground without the season's beckon.

a disorder
calmed only by pretty pills
and deep breaths that my therapist
says will help gather air in my depleting lungs

drowning in my incertainty
the deep breaths I take choke.
The pills make things harder to swallow.


There is no cure for me.
I am anxiety.
A product of an uprooted childhood.
I'll manage and dig up my soil
and till my rows and plant myself
a more soild ground.

I don't feel safe in my head anymore
My head is telling me dark things
My head is dragging me down
It turns on me every night
When I hold on for dear life on the only arm that has always been here for me
I squeeze it tight and hope for the wave to pass but
It's not a wave
It's a Tsunami
Rushingrushingrushingrushingrushingrushingrushing
in my blood
   Coursing my veins with the incertainty of a future where I don't have to be alone
Coursing my brain with the possibility of a future where I don't have a choice
Where everyone around me has someone else's arm to hold onto
I have nobody else's but mine and it is
PAINFUL
Because I can't be understood and I can't change the way I am and
I talk
I write
I try
I try hard
I try so hard
I try so ******* hard
To be who I want to be
But
The weight is holding me back in the water
In the dark
Wherever it needs me
And I am there
Suffocating with the need to talk and the desire to be invisible
And I reach back and search
And hope for it to break
And hope it never does
And I go on to do things by myself because life goes on
And people move on
And no one waits for me because I have to hop on and make my own place
But as I watch them all go all I can think is that it's not my fault
I'm a little be twisted to the side
I'm a little bit twisted inside
I'm a little bit broken by years of not being taken care of
Because no matters how careful I am with myself
Each day I fall and break
Each day I'm a little more chipped
And I'm scared
Terrified of the day I will be one last chip falling into
O…
      B…
            L…
                   I…
                          V…
                                  I…
                                         O…
                                                 N…
Because we all fall astray
But I will fall head first
Because the arm I'm holding on to is my own.