Blown from the west,
fallen leaves gather
    in the east.

Two boys
and girls
unclothed each other
simply at a picnic
flush with wine
alongside
sun-flecked trees.

The girls,
easy as the
forest round,
burned,
delicious,
as the boys
eager and nervous
in unequal measure
partly gave up
concealing
their joys
at forgetting
or remembering
in flickers
their bare bodies.

It went on
over nettles
and half-hours
and clambered
trees and
photos taken
almost formally
(on film,
of course).

And boyish lust,
at first sinuous,
a darting tongue,
began to
soften against,
for instance,
the sheer,
unthinkable
texture
of the two
girls carved
now backward
over the bough
of a storm-felled elm.

And there
in the embers
of evening
they learned
to thrill originally
at the vast,
gorgeous
and astonishing
irrelevance
of what
might happen next.

you cornered me wicked, mid drift in the high
consumed. bluntly exposed.
you placed your thin fingers upon my lips. staggered. bent.
begged me not to breathe
I call onto you like the ocean in heat
like nature in its furious cause to prove that
man has no power over her, that he does not have her cure
in his superficial thoughts that wake in midnights rising
in between yen hungry rich peasants

you have no remote dignity
you have all your pride buried above your blistering smile
that burns openly to my naked eyes in the honest sun
I see everything that makes you up
I see your nose that bleeds
I see your feeble state
and that God forsaken disease

you moved the core of my woman with the taboo
in the thin yet powerful essence that danced between
our darkest places
so hidden from the light
you turned me exhausted with matrimony
driven you blinded basked in your polygamy
and you do still
even when our eyes do not see each other
even when your hands cook feasts in the morning
for that beautiful woman I met

because of you a part of me has become exile and remote to myself
because of you I have become a foreigner to my most permanent assets
I loose myself simply within the thought of my smile bedded
beside your humble surrounding

I find it hard to sleep at night

did you become a monster trying to be like me
love found,
our bitter catastrophe
I announce in small tongues
because I am far past shy
I dwell below the medium of discreet
I fell for that
that
which will never fall for me

secret bliss shared in corners of my mind
to be gazed upon by wolves
devoured in the late night sky

I travel with your mind in my mind
I do understand none of this will ever
be redefined
but I carry you within me regardless
of the bad times

touch the ill pale stricken love side
dive in midnight incubus pools
we lived in the most blackened of times
we drank what was not
but to me, the most red of wine

I sink into the thought of you
you do not love me anymore

I was torn behind you
shredded like pieces of cloth
buried deep into the cemetary in your soul
lost that woman who believed in romance and goth
I smear the dirt from against my cheek
you should see the sadness within me
the ****** blood tangent
the ****** of naked torture
I cover my privates
there is nothing left to hide
prisoners try to escape
I dwell here, numb with the thought of you  

my hands trail behind me

Im going to die
Im going to die right here
admitting this beneath me

tonight
a few hours
man
haunted
kissed
shoulders
hair
trailing
age


there is something hidden between the refined
lips of a staggered feline
tramped like irony against my soul
a birthmark
a cure
hurt
hurt



no escaping
trapped
whole


the understanding
the love that gives out a sigh of death
a sigh of disowning
a sigh of painful living
endured upon me like knives
punching
peircing
reminding
every single drought stricken day

I lay upon my pillow gently
oh yes
I give into all this pain
what else can I do with my small hands that were left
wrinkled and have become prune from living in your rain
what has become of the sickness
the splattered guts and the vain

suffer
detachment
drunk
comfort
drowning
smile nervously
smile hesitantly
smile
remorse
beg
hurt


how can I ever come to play
simply spread my meaning
simply tell the tale of where my soul went when you had gone astray
packed your bags and got on the closest highway
with the word
gay
dripping out the side of my brain
hands curved next to my cheek
fingers twisted
heat overwhelming
panting
screaming

I have learned you

stitched lips

I slammed the door.
an echo strained it's way
throughout the universe
with a
shudder.


that made still even the pattering of children's feet.
or so i thought.
i believed myself to be far more powerful than i truly was,
or, perhaps, i was more powerful than i could possibly fathom.
regardless,
i shut the door.
i shuffled throughout the cold room.
white walls,
black tile floor
glinting in the fluorescent light.
cold radiated throughout the room
it was impossible to tell whether that cold
was inherent to the room or
if the room was inherent to the cold.  
regardless,
i shivered.
my body shook violently with the disgusted vibration of a
million
angry
bees.  
i continued to walk, the hallway stretched forever.
each step added
a
m
i
l
l
i
o
n
inches
to the length i would never cross.
Zeno crossed my mind.  
I had never believed he was correct but in that moment,
i could never doubt him.  
I took a step, the hallway stretched,
I took a step, the hallway stretched.  
I took a step,
the cold permeated the pores of my body.  
I took a step,
the fluorescent lights stung my eyes.  



At last, the end of the hallway.

I did not see a mirror but, rather,
an alternate universe.  
I saw myself,
most poised and calm as I had ever been.  
I could not be the same person
That I was staring at.
This being pored into my soul.  
This person gnawed upon my
mind and
exhilarated my senses.  


This could not be me.  
The eyes across the glass, identical to mine own.
stared.
stared.
until i was forced to look away.
i glance back.
the eyes continued to
stare.
continued to
stare
with an entrancing understanding
that i did not even bother to wish upon myself
the base futility of this wish rendering it meaningless.
this being, this was not me.
another realm i had seen,
for only that moment.  
another realm so close,
i may just have touched it.