I listened to my heart…

When it shook with fear, as its scars sung the songs of yesterday.

I listened to my heart…

Pounding in my ears like chaos in a silent symphony.
It screeched as it broke apart, fragmented pieces shorn and twisted.
Tearing away as it sank into the cold abyss.
The rusted wreckage of a once great ship, forgotten beneath a greater sea.

I listened to my heart…

It whispered “My God” when I saw you.
When I was so afraid to take the last of a hundred second chances.
Tear down my defenses and trust again.
Try again to live only in this moment, this time without the armor, without the hesitation.

I listened to my heart…

As it became attached to yours, running blindly into a new forest.
Chasing the footprints of wolves.
Two worlds that were meant to collide and become one big mess together.
The inseparable pieces of one existence.

I listened to my heart…

On that day you took my hand, dressed in white and promises.
I spoke the words “I do, I love you”.
They flowed across my lips like liquid, like a prayer I was unworthy of saying.
It was the day I began to live again, and I said your name as you took mine.

I listened to my heart…

In the years to pass, looking back on my life as it was, and as it is.
Lying next to you, enshrouded by the dark silk of night skies.
I took you in my arms, laid my head upon your chest.

I listened to your heart.

I have become lost in a vision that was once never mine to have; a thought unseen, as in a dream that was never shared. But I was there because I dared. Or so I dared to believe, and thus was left to bereave, in whole, for the death of my hopeful, emptying soul. Yet the pen well knows these secrets which flow through my hands. As blood from fingertips pours black unto the inked page of the history we write for ourselves, left dusty and forgotten, on forgotten shelves, and in forgotten times. Such was the blindness of my eyes as I ran through thickets of whispers, unafraid, I the unshackled slave who stayed; biding my time, binding in rhyme, my poisonous thoughts. For what have I left, save for portentous doubts; that once shouted, fall upon deaf ears? Fears dripping from muted lips, flowing through clenched teeth, hand in hand with the silent promises never made. A foundation of jade that supports the sky, for there were no walls built in the becoming of I.

This world is my city,

A school of piranha, swimming in a sea of tears.
Razor teeth and gaping mouths,
Each more ravenous than the next,
Feasting on the fears that flow from my veins
In the brilliant colors of doubt,
Leaving me defenseless.

This world is relentless.

In its cold gaze of disdain,
Leaving a stain upon my soul,
Which made me whole,
Made me cold,
Then broke me to pieces
And left me crying in my sleep.

This world is deep.

Like an ocean of night skies,
And I am drowning in it,
With downcast eyes
Trying so hard
To be the man I remember,
In a past I wish I could forget.

This world is regret.

In the unfulfilled promises
Carried by the hands of yesterday,
Holding sway over the bulging seams
And fabric of my reality,
Sewn in heart strings, that once severed,
Allows me to break through.

This world is you.

And you are everything in it,
While I, the unwelcome stranger
Wish only to stay a while longer,
A sacrifice to danger,
And in remembrance, linger
Of the ring upon your finger.

I left my footprints on the sand piper shore, a lonely expanse of coast that stretched out for miles, and I, beguiled, took this path in search of healing. It was a journey that had a start, but its ending was based on mending and whether or not this would happen by my hands….or yours…..

Break dawn to tear the sky in fire and herald the coming day! Blood red dancing clouds, heads bowed to the songs of birds as they scream, angry in their cries. Feathers torn on wings beating skies soar perilously in sorrow. For the birth of the day foretells of its death and the coming of tomorrow. Linger, linger and laugh in times borrowed, hours despised that what we hold temporarily are lies all lies! Our lives are but tears in a child’s eyes that come and go as a tide ebbs and flows. Then retreats from the shore leaving us so much sand, the broken glass on which we stand shaking for the promises forsaken. Shaking for the cold truth taken that we fade in our time as grapes wither on the vine and enemy time laughs with cruel revelry. Merry in our ignorance of what we see painted on the horizon.

The sweetest wine to be had
Withers untouched on the vine
Bound by time

Bound by these chains of lace
Unbreakable the crimson smile
Idle wild eyes
The spies unmistakeable

See secrets of my soul
Secrets and lies
Beautiful the scars dispised
That remember the fires of yesteryear

Tears fall as diamonds to dark earth
Rusted ground where I was found
And from which I was made
The slave of self saved

By a touch
And the kissing embrace of a lover taken and given

Madness driven
To the shallow sorrows of tomorrow's hasty dawning
Spawning hopes
That crackle in the fires of want as embers
Faintly remembered

Each as the next, the same
No glory, no fame to be had
Yet we were glad!

In the moment of atonment
That moment of sin among women and men
Where hunger feeds desire
Feeds hunger
Feeds want

Ravenous need seeds the garden of greedy thoughts
And all for naught when the night is through
There is only me
There is only you

Our union desolved by time always moving
The unforgiving criminal
That robs us of what may be
Leaving beautiful memories and emptiness
Awaiting the new night
The next dance
And our chance to love again.