If I could touch a song.

I would want it to have your face.
I would want it to touch my heart.
I would need it, my saving grace.

If I could hear a dream.

It would laugh lightly with shining eyes.
Running feilds of gold and crimson.
Running thoughts, in a racing mind.

If I could taste a miracle.

It would sweetly linger on my lips.
Sugar and forbidden fruit.
In the passion of a longing kiss.

If I could see eternity.

It would end in strawberry hair.
Emerald gems that stare at stars.
Skin so light, skin so fair.

And if I could sense a heart beat

It would be hidden among the roses.
The gentle red of silken petals.
The thorns, and the promise that it poses.

All these senses I have told confused.
If I could say it and be true.
But if I could write a poem.
I would want it to look like you.

I see you there,
In the dark by the phone,

And when I see you I feel safe....
I feel alone.

When I feel you
I feel my injured soul
And see scars that match my own.

Cut to the bone
Sitting with you
In the only chair in a burning home

Waiting for eyes that see
My heart isn't made from stone

And though damage has been done
It wasn't me,
I'm not that accident prone.

In the land of kings I am a king! In the land of princes I am a prince! In the land of rain I look heavenward that these tears could be rinsed, and thus hidden from view. Thus Hidden from you. You who may see, that in any land I stand alone, a man apart with a fractured heart that beats unevenly, yet carries me through....And if you have to ask, yes I wear this mask, this among others to cover self doubt that bears no answers. As if it were formed of a cancer, that eats at my mind, twisting inside at a maddening pace. Stripping away my imagination, my lonely hiding place. Devouring all but the bad taste of reality; which to face constantly seems a must. Sheltered no more by my broken cage as the bars scale with rust. Trust that I am nothing more than this dust, kissed of gods and breathed life to betray. Burdened of sin again and again under the guise of false pride to ride on these pale winds of turmoil and blame. In the end it's all the same, the details may change but the story remains. Buried in a garden of shame where we have all planted our daisies and prayed for the clouds to deliver the pain.

Those who know pain know my name
They cast doubts
Hide in shame
And lay blame

They know my name
They know my name

Unspoken thoughts
like words on the page
Though they fade
Stay the same

They whisper
They whisper
They're screaming my name!

Cold and stained
From the tears
Cold and stained
From the rain

Elements of emotion
that show no restrain
Break the chains
And flee

Brittle parchment
The cracked and torn remains
Of a life remembered.

Icy fingers that touch your thoughts from a distance let you know in an instant that it was me and I was there. There, where I lingered freely in your inner most secret feelings, twisted them into doubts and fears. Echoed in the sound of your tears as they ran down your face in their race to the ground, slamming violently down without a sound without a sound. So draw near! I am the lover hater you fear yet hold dear. The secret that you knew all along, containing all the right answers gone horribly wrong. In a song I have kept you lost in the promise and hope of passion so lasting, delivering emotional lashing after lashing after lashing for the taste of tears that I savor. For I am the dream breaker, the beautiful monster who decieves to recieve that which I do not deserve. Keeping my song bird locked in the cage, break away and escape the fate! Run fleet of foot fleeing from these outstreched arms of an empty being until you reach the place where you were meant to be, get away from me and sing the songs you were meant to sing.

Another year has past, and shattered the molds from which we have been cast. Never to tread upon that sweet ground again in our race to our final days counting the calendar from beginning to end. I'll meet you there in that place if you win, dear brother, dear sister and dearest of friends. That you knew you were carved in the stone of my heart never forsaken and never apart, no matter the details... Lives change lives, and a soul touched once can never be the same, never be tame or forgotten.

Rest in Peace Dad 1:45 a.m. 29-Dec-2010

Happy New Tears!

The cigarette burns against my skin,
The pain that burns hides the pain from within,
And I forget for a moment why I cringe inside.

I forget what it was I was trying to hide.

I forget why you left,
Forget why you lied,
Seared away in my foolishness,
This pride burning pride!

Crushing the crimson ash,
This slowly rolling torment hisses and I gasp
Now in dismay at my rage on display.

How foolish am I,
How timmid my timbre,
That this ember serves as my novocaine
To all things remembered.

Yet this pain is easier to bear,
And smaller are the visible scars
So judge me not,
You who know me not!