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 Aug 2013 Sean C Johnson
CRH
I hate you.

You should know that by now.
These permanent frown lines
etched into my brow
that I tell people are from squinting
really show the story of how you
moved into my head over a year ago
and still refuse to move out.

I really loved you-I still love you-How could I have possibly ever been in love with you?

You are Evil,
a Poison,
of the very worst kind-
the one that always leaves me wanting more.
An addict,
Please give me another Fix.
Please stay the hell away from me.

This ever-revolving door
is making me dizzy,
it's making me sick,
it's making me wish
I never started with this.

Please call me tonight.
You just reached out to me last week
and we both know I wasn't really asleep but
you couldn't have paid me enough to respond.
And yet, working out the perfect reply I'll never send,
I started at the screen until dawn.

The door is still spinning,
the room is now spinning,
I wish I could stop my head from this spinning,
we will always be the world's worst song on repeat.
You're a great thinker, but a criminal,
incapable of affection or empathy,
but you stole the very Earth right out from under my feet.

Don't worry though,
I think I'll get my sea-legs soon
and they'll finally be strong enough
to walk away from
you.
I recently started seeing a therapist.  It's bringing up a lot of things I wish I could forget.
I know how you feel
At 4am when everything should be
Quiet; eyes closed,
Breath steady at an even pace,
Keeping pace with the subtle rhythm
Of your pulsing heart.
Nothing stirs, here,
Besides your afflicted mind,
A testament to all the
Late night infomercials
And dimly lit gas station windows:
Dutifully droning on
Amidst the sleepy silhouette
Of normalcy and a good eight hour rest.
There's no use fooling yourself,
Closing your eyes and heavily counting off
Sheep, in a vain attempt to assimilate
Something like sleep-
There's no point trying, here,
When a sliver of sky outside your window
Starts to turn a subtle shade lighter
Than 2am darkness.
Being alone is never as poignant
As when you're woken up in the middle
Of the night,
Surrounded by dark space
And stagnant memories, impartial
To the emptiness of a moment.
I know how you feel,
Restlessly turning your body
To face the wall,
Adjusting your lumpy feather pillow,
Peeling off your socks:
Routine can cure the coldest hearts,
But sleep will always elude it.
Stuck within your impetuous rituals,
Solitude seeps in
Through your open eyelids;
4am drips into 5am,
And before you know it,
Everything is gone.
 Aug 2013 Sean C Johnson
brooke
I'll be blunt;

I'm quartering myself
down to the bare minimum
because I see these pretty girls
everywhere and I tell myself
he'd fall for them, easy. I am
having trouble finding what
anyone could possibly see
in me. My countenance is
quicksand, don't struggle.
(c) Brooke Otto
 Aug 2013 Sean C Johnson
brooke
your parents
gave up too
early, right
when you
needed them
the most
and only
I saw it
(c) Brooke Otto
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