I stare at her across the bar, between the bottles covering the worn out stained oak
varnish tarnished, wood soaked
from years
of ashed out cigarettes and spilt beers
slopped spirits from over zealous cheers
she's younger than I imagined, aged as a fine wine
her eyes locked on mine
I see the solar system, galaxies
surrounding the
pupils blacker than the abyss of the outer reaches of space
a lovely contrast to the lightness of her face
I pull up a seat beside her trying to spark a conversation
on life, nature, hopes for modern civilization or even space exploration
she says "quiet now my son, patience"
you're to focused on what you're saying
without hearing what you're conveying
her hand pressed to my heart and she said 43 beats I remember
39 when you sleep, but 84 when you're tempered
I asked her the significance
she said it's all about the difference
how my world is at peace when I am asleep
but pointless rage forces the increase
this life can go no faster
and you will know no master
so focused on breaking the mold, or shattering the plaster
when we really need the subtle hand to make the cast first
she said you see me all in your own ways
I saw her as a woman, soft eyes with a caring face
for no man knows the subtle intricacies and nuances that make living worth the fight
I met god in a bar, she walked me home in the beautiful night
we spoke of love, happiness and the pursuit  of this life...

Wandering paths, merely brush pushed aside by eager hands
feet pressing firm on uncharted land
the vantage points of a cliff undiscovered
rustles the passion in me, that I had longed to recover
lost along the way, between the miles traveled and moments marked in my past
I cover the tracks
for home is where I am at the moment
I reach to the sunrise arms spread wide trying to hold it
close to my chest to scare off the winter air rushing over my skin
one foot after the other and I begin
a skyline of ridges and peaks
seem to swallow me
in their lush valleys, rich with soil and trees racing to the heavens stopping just shy
I sit on the ledge of a rock jutting over the valley, this paradise is mine
wandering the world, the way it was meant to be
wandering forever the home always meant for me...

These walls know my past
as does the single malt in my glass
motionless in the eerie dark of a new moon
trapped in the darkness and apartness of you
drown myself in the spirits quicker
tired of hearing the walls whisper
your name
as if every chair's arms now point the blame
at the disheveled heap of the remnants of a man laying in the middle of the room
trapped in the darkness of an apartment I shared with you...

I remember the taste of your chapstick
original flavor plain as you were, a taste insipidly vapid
I remember everything up until our last kiss
that fades into the smoke of memories I burned with your box of letters
cut with the strings of you that had me tethered
disappointment doesn't hold a flame to the fire burning inside me now
I'd wail and cry aloud
but the ocean cares not of the downfall of man
knees dug into the sand
arms outstretched, a shameless attempt at holding the sky
as close as you once held my
body more rigid than it's fragile contents
I remember the taste of your chapstick and I never knew what that meant...

I wish you'd open your heart as often as you opened your eyes
I wish I saw myself more in them, than in between your thighs
I wish your gasps and sighs
came from invigorating conversation
more than physical elation
I wish your skin didn't feel so **** smooth
I wish my hands would deny themselves of you
I wish my lips weren't going through withdrawal
rushing back whenever yours would call
I wish your kiss didn't make me tremble
I wish I didn't feel my heart disassemble
anytime you'd touch me too
Most of all I wish I didn't want you...

My weary heart wades through the carnage of broken promises and sleepless nights
stolen dreams and endless fights
through the mess of slaughtered expectations
torn apart by passionless ****** relations
wasted upon new acquaintances
you used to release your unjustified frustration
when you merely lacked the patience
the butchering of a future, you never cared to let grow
you set fire to the very hopes you once did sow
scorch the earth, salt the fields of romance so they remain a barren desert
kiss him for the pleasure
these burnt eyes have weathered
a storm no scales could measure
tasted the fire of Hades
begging you to save me
as you crave the
physical equivalent to what you perceived to be love not lust
the bloodbath of trust
that forever stains my memory of the life I once did build
your razor eyes cut me down as you stood by while my love spilled...