"you symbolize living here, and that's why some
days i miss you more than others. some days, i
can forget about you. mostly, it's next to impossible."

then again, chasing you felt like racing to the hospital.
as the odometer rose, the pain inside my chest only
grew from moderate to severe. the safe haven was
the hospital room where you would stabilize and
make your patients feel better. the car was going
eighty five in a sixty line. no matter how far we got,
it seemed like the cops were at every corner waiting.

the speeding tickets would only hold me back for
so long until the pain would become something
only a legendary warrior of battle could ignore.

and when i finally got to the hospital, no patients
were getting let in. i'm still in the waiting room
where the pain is next to impossible to ignore.

you symbolize this hospital room. this is what
i waited for to ease my pain, but at what cost
when i got a lollipop and a smiley face sticker
for my speeding tickets and the unbearable wait?

- kra

for now on, i will pretend that you are at arms
distance from the black hole that ****** you in.

i will pretend that you are mercury and i am
venus, that the sun shows me that i don't need
to expand my line of sight to find you.

sometimes, you will be on the other side of
the sun where that black hole is and i will
have to trust those animal instincts.

i will pretend that the black hole that can ****
you in at any moment does not exist for me.
the next time we meet, you will act indifferent
about hanging out around the black hole that
keeps my gravity on it's toes. you will ignore it.

you will remember the briefness of the doubt
i confided in you, about how i am terrified of
putting our planets at risk of sinking into a
darkness i am very familiar with, like old
friends who threatened your safety with
a meteor shower. the astronauts do not show
the meteors and what damage they cause to
these vulnerable planets. you see, i am very
concerned for your safety, so i threw myself
in front of the meteors. no matter what,
nobody could tell the difference.

i am the shadow of mercury. i capture things,
like flies and hearts and still we are lines that
are perpendicular, we meet once and do not
meet again. maybe my shadow hasn't lingered
long enough for you to realize that i will secede
from this position if you just let me get lost in
your darkness. i will let you see the craters
you have left in my carbon dioxide world.

you will realize that i cannot breathe without
you and that is not something i want to get
a gold plated medal for. let me forget this
orbit and practice orbiting around you again.

i want to create pretty constellations and
solar systems inside of your skin. i want
you to believe it is happening. the only
gold plated medal i need is simply put: you

- kra

"only feast on what is absolutely necessary.
do not substitute. stay content with the cycle."

did my mother know i struggled to break this
cycle, that being a herbivore was necessary for
my healing process? being an omnivore and
substituting you for other things always left
my stomach an empty void that could not be
filled with temporary smiles. i haven't quite recovered
from the last time i indulged on you as a guilty
pleasure. but what does that even matter to you
when the necessities to you do not involve me?
i will not be thanking for anything at the table
because i'm not sure if i can handle thanking
god for someone who is only a hovering shadow
upon me who doesn't remember my own name
unless she is sitting at the table along with me.

- kra

are you ever afraid
that you won't fit
back into someone's
life like you used to

it's never bitter between us
but the aftertaste is poison

- kra

the story always starts and ends with
the same exact thing: barriers.

the welcoming mat wasn't always
so unwelcoming. the public used to
walk into the doors of your soul,
peer in and examine you, and
if they liked it there, they would
rent out a part of you and you
would be the determining factor
if you should keep them there.

so it wasn't a surprise that maybe
i overstayed past my rent date
and never paid the bills because
i believed maybe, just maybe,
i didn't have to pay because i
was one of your favorite tenants.

now it's like the doorway to your
friendship is behind barriers of
broken trust. i am only invited
into your home as a peace treaty,
never as a favorite tenant.

the fact i have to scale down my
existence, which isn't exactly big
in the first place, to make you
happy infuriates me.

i will cross a ******* ocean, and
with every kick against the angry
waves, i hope you will see with
each tiring kick that i am restless

each time 11:11 hits, i wish for
you to, at least, be friends with
me again, and i still don't
believe in the 11:11 *******.

i just do it anyway hoping someday
i won't have to pay rent or abide by
a ******* peace treaty to live within you.

- kra