today, i hired a night guard for
these night terrors are starting
to interrupt my waking hours.

they are chameleons that look
exactly like you and talk like
you but they are not you.

i still let those creatures in, yet
i do not know what lies under
that fleeting smile of yours.

your smile is a dandelion that
plucks itself off from the stem
and follows the zephyrs.

you do not come find me
and you do not come follow me.

it's as if you are in traffic on
a one way road, and turning
around for me isn't an option.

- kra

maybe you didn't catch onto
the fact that this was a feeble
game of hide-and-seek.

or maybe we misinterpreted
that we were the ones to hide
away from each other instead
of homing in on each other.

you only notice me when i
am not hiding. what is the
point of seeking someone
who forgets me constantly?

i wanted to create a friend
ship that could be wilder
and more free than any
forest fire or any jungle,

but i was too busy hiding
fearing that you wouldn't
find me buried deep in
these fears and regrets.

maybe that's what happened.

you never found me because
you didn't bother looking even
after waiting to be found.

all this time, you expected to
be found by people who weren't
even associated in our game of
hide and seek.

you know, my efforts to make
you see that you would be treated
like you deserve would be futile.

sometimes, the results vary but
at what cost when i get nowhere?

i could scream at the wind
i could swim out to the deep
i could walk miles in dense forest
to find you and you would likely
appreciate it more if it wasn't me.

- kra

it seems like time is tearing us
apart

i am reaching out to you from a
different dimension, from ten years from
now, or two years ago
and i look like nothing but a ghost

be quiet, and maybe
you will
hear me

ostracized from humans
and somehow i've grown accustomed
to being alone

- kra

without hesitation, i asked everyone
in the room a lighthearted question.
"you know who my best friend is?"
in the same breath, you spit out
"me." what surprised me the most
was that you didn't even think about
the question. it came naturally to you,
like how most things come. at that
moment, my spirit left my body all
in the matter of the seconds between
your reply and my initial reaction.
my soul traveled to the times we were happy,
telling each other secrets and keeping those
promises that we swore under oath. the
dreams we had about each other would
always be good dreams, not nightmares.
as much as i'd like to admit that there is
still something there, that i will be able to
call you my sister & my best friend again,
i had to be honest. i was never honest
to you and that's how i lost you. there
was nothing i could do to take back the
"no" that rolled off my tongue like an
avalanche or a confession to a holy
priest and between me and god, you
are the closest i've gotten to god. the
back burner you left me on has left
third degree burns but isn't dying a
martyr to you the best way to go?
or would you be the one to turn the
other way if i challenged death?

- kra

"when god was chasing you,
why did you leave him at arms distance?"
i wonder if god knows that i haven't been
finding peace in anything lately. the last
time i felt safe and secure within this shell
casing called my skin was when they opened
up their arms like a door and told me it was
safe to look inside even if it was for fifteen
seconds to spare. i only wish i could keep
the door open, but I'm not a very good
doorstop. the only things that i can stop is
people getting closer than arms distance
because i can remember the last time
god abandoned me. i am not the architect.
i am a demolition expert.

- kra

over 95% of the ocean has been undiscovered, and
i wonder if i'm the only one who is so curious to
see the unknown depths where sea creatures adapt
and confine to the dark, it is a wonder that they
have not had any second thoughts about the sunlight.
i wonder if i'm the only one who is so curious to get
into the minds of these creatures, who are so afraid
of the light as i am. maybe they're not afraid at all.
maybe they have grown accustomed to the darkness.
perhaps it's a way to hide and shelter from the predators
so the most vulnerable do not become the prey as i have.
i wonder if i was destined to be the sun and yourself
the ocean, the world's biggest juxtaposition. maybe i
wasn't careful with my high and mighty position up
there on cloud nine and abused it, because all i do is
reach for the safety of your ocean, and wish for the
calm waters to envelope the parts of me that just
leaves third degree burns and people rubbing aloe
vera onto their skin. when i reached down to grab you,
the waters in the ocean shifted vehemently, and the sea
animals concaved into the darkness of the waters i may
never get to touch. over 95% of the ocean hasn't been
discovered, and i know only 5% of what the ocean
has to offer. over time, you have become a close
relative to this metaphor. i've went from discovering
95% of your brain patterns to only 5%. i am merely a
whirlwind of rain in your hydrophobic world, and
all i want to do is be your umbrella even if the rain
is acidic and burns me the way i burn everyone
else and leave people rubbing aloe vera onto their
skin. to this day, i have navigated only 5% of your
uncharted waters, and some days i want to swim
further down and risk swimming in the same sea
with the sharks just to figure out the type of person
you are. that's what being friends with you now feels like.

- kra