Is now the time to be okay?
Or am I allowed to lay broken, completely shattered at your holy feet?
Do you want me to stand, straighten my spine and plaster a dazzling smile on my pale face, spread it slowly across my chapped lips and laugh my bubby laugh as I throw my head back into thin air?

What is it you desire dear?

You wish for me to put on my best dress, put on those heels and strut around linked to your arm?
Of course I'll smile and wave.
Who am I but your golden little prize?

Yes, I'll drink some more gin and sniff a little coke, anything to keep you happy my dear, anything to feel alive.
Anything to numb the pain from the bruise on my back you gave me just last night.

A bright red cardigan for my birthday?
Oh yes, of course to hide my battered veins.
Just a little ******, just a little to sing the children goodnight?
"To put a smile on your face you don't want to give them a fright"

Silly me, I never think of these things.
What would I do without you, my love?

Before you come in and give me the pills, read my letter.
Don't tell the girls.
I'm tired now dear, tired of breathing.
I don't like the pills, I don't like the drugs.
It seems to me this is the only way out.

I'll have to be quick, seems I might have tied the rope too tight.
Tell the girls I love them, I couldn't have loved anything more.
Tell Mom I'm sorry and that I wish I could have given her reason to love me more.

One request, before I step off this chair?
Bury me next to Daddy and my brother,
darling remember me there.