scarmaya nicole

scarmaya nicole May 2022

"If I want to be treated right, I have to be pretty."
- a maddening truth in my life.

I want to say that this is not true, but looking at myself right now? I feel like I'm this dying flower covered by lots and lots of blossoming ones. I want to pretend that idc, I should. But god knows how much I'm starved with validation and affection. I guess... I just want someone to love me, despite of my flaws in and out.

#insecurity

scarmaya nicole Apr 2022

once a writer

struggling to form a single sentence
words are now hard to puzzle alone
battling to bring the thoughts to existence
doubting the skill of its own

but maybe your wings are just resting
storing energy for another flying
just hang in there and wait for your next soar
this is for the one who couldn't write anymore

But honestly, somedays, I'm having this thought that I was never or ever will be, a writer.

scarmaya nicole Jun 2021

Chemistry

Life is full of chemistry

it's challenging to learn

but when you finally understood things

you will realize how amazing life can be

and how little things actually mean a lot.

A science task.

scarmaya nicole Jun 2021

Moonlight

Cold breeze touching my skin,
As I sit upon a marble seat,
The moon is brightly shining,
As the lake reflects the elite.

Contrary of the beautiful sight,
Inside thyself, there wasn't any light,
Fighting invisible demons, eating me alive,
Doubting if I will still survive.

Silently weeping with my eyes and heart,
Looking surely like a devastated art,
Alone, I mumble to myself, and again, I swore,
"If my heart could yell, it couldn't talk anymore."

Inspired by Beethoven's "Moonlight"

scarmaya nicole Feb 2021

Untitled

Life is ******,
and so are we.

scarmaya nicole Jan 2021

Why?

Lately, I've asked myself
Many questions of mankind
They are like books in a shelf
Combined in my lost mind

The unending questions of "Whys"
A battle that I'm facing
I'm looking for words that are concise
For these unexplainable feeling

Why do I have to be sad?
Why do I have to cry?
This world is making me mad
For always making me try

Try to answer these questions
But what I got were additions
All I wanted were just replies
But what I got were crying eyes

Why can't anyone help me?
Why can't I just be free?
Why do I have to experience these?
All I wanted was just peace

Why am I not in love with life anymore?
Like my young self used to before
Why am I feeling hopeless?
Can I just have some rest?

Drowning in thousand thoughts
While laying alone in a foam
And just like a lost astronaut
I'm trying to find my way back home

Suddenly, a voice came out
She was saying something about
A gentle and warm sound
Feels like a magic that I found

She knew my doubts
She heard my silent shouts
She gave me ease
By just saying these

"You always kept on asking
But there are reasons why these are happening
Universe does knows everything
Just believe in its timing

You have to be sad sometimes
You will experience many emotions in a lifetime
You won't also cry forever
But the prettiest waterfall pours unending water

And sometimes, not everyone can help you
You have to help yourself, too
And don't worry, you will be free
Just keep on going and you will see

And yes, you have to experience everything
Someday, you'll see yourself glowing and glowing
I am very proud of you
For always choosing to continue

I hope you'll fall in love with life once more
Because there are still a lot to explore
You can have rest for a while
And continue again with a smile"

Every words were like magic in the air
She said these words with so much care
And maybe.... maybe, she was right
I just have to hold on tight

Someday, I will meet her somewhere
But in that time, I am not in despair
I will make sure to face her blissfully
Because it was my future self who talked to me

Keep going : )

scarmaya nicole Dec 2020

Heroism

H e r o i s m
an unfamiliar word
to me.

They say,
it is an
act of
bravery,
having a
valor
in thyself.

Someone
who saves
a city,
have wands
in their hands,
and having a
mind that
is unique.

Fought a
monster
with 7 heads,
and made
a cure
for a
zombie outbreak.

Those who
can be called
phenomenals.

Someone
who saves
an existence
before it
disappears.

Or maybe...

...before it chooses to disappear.

Could it be
someone
whom you can run to
when you're sad?

Could it be
someone
whom you can feel safe
in their arms?

Or could it be
someone
whom you can cry
unto their shoulders
when despair
consume
your system?

Heroism
isn't just
all about
saving a city,
nor having wands
in our hands,
nor having a
mind that
is unique.

Nor fighting
a monster
with 7 heads,
nor making
a cure
for a
zombie outbreak.

It is also
about saving
someone
from losing
it's will
to live.

Anyone
can be
a hero
by just
giving
nice words,
tight hugs,
and some
warmth.

Saying
greetings to
random people,
being gentle
in every way,
and showing
your contagious
smile.

Heroism
isn't just saving
someone from death,
it is also giving
reasons to stay alive.

Be someone"s hero of their day : )

— The End —