i never used to believe in fate, destiny and all that garbage.
i am woman of science and a believer of facts.
i like to think that everything that happens is a product of my choices.
but my love,
my darling,
you and i are a product of something bigger than ourselves.
you've made me question my logic and the concept of
"meant-to-be".
you and i, we were indeed destiny.
you and i were two hearts beating in sync,
but not quite together yet
a love story waiting to happen,
two stars meaning to collide, it just took a little longer than expected.

when i first met you, i remember turning to my friend and saying
"that man is the love of my life"
of course i didn't mean it, i still had no idea who you were
a month or so had passed and one day, out of the blue
you messaged me.
my little 18 year old heart skipped a bit and i was ecstatic.
i remember the messaging back and forth,
getting to know you, you getting to know me
we had become close, exchanging memories and stories
building a friendship that would turn in to so much more.

now, seven months since we first met,
i spend most nights out of my week at your house,
in your bed, usually binge watching tv shows or
cramming for exams.
we spend our nights cuddled together under blankets,
talking about our day, our plans, sometimes not even talking at all.
i end my nights with your arms wrapped around me, your lips
pressed against mine,
now when i see you, i point to my friend and say
"that man really could be the love of my life"

I spend nights in a bed that isn't mine
with my arms wrapped around a boy who isn't mine either
but then again, he isn't anyone's
so I guess that's okay.

I spend nights waiting for him to call, text, message,
something.
I fall asleep with my phone next to my face just incase he finally
answers his freaking phone.

I spend nights alone in my own bed in an empty room,
thinking about whether or not you're sleeping alone too
Imaging what it felt like to roll over and see your face,
now all I see is darkness.

today you looked at me and greeted me with a smile and love in your eyes,
there was no doubt in the world that you loved me
today you sat and told me stories of your childhood, of lovers come and gone,
there was no doubt in the world that you loved me
today you showed me all of your baseball memorabilia and your old jerseys, a smile never left your lips
there was no doubt in the world that you loved me
today was different
today you looked at me, and it took a second for you to smile, your eyes looked a bit lost,
there was no doubt in the world that you loved me
today you couldn't remember the story you had told me the last time we met, your mind struggled to find the words that you wanted to say,
there was no doubt in the world that you loved me
today you asked me what my name was, you told me I looked beautiful, like the nurse who had walked in to say hello before me
the woman who came in before me was my mother,
there was no doubt in the world that you loved me
today you forget to eat again, you told my grandmother that you had eaten already
you hadn't eaten in three days
there was no doubt in the world that you loved me
today you closed your eyes for the last time,
your brain forgot how to breathe
but there was still no doubt in the world that you loved me

it was like you had disappeared within a matter of seconds.
messages ceased, accounts were unfollowed, and a friendship
had suddenly ended.
every plan we had ever made, ever promise we had ever kept,
it no longer seemed to matter.
we talked of the future, the past, the present
and those forbidden "what if's"
now i drive by your house on my way to work and i see your car parked out front
and i wonder
do you ever think about me the way i think about you?

Coming home with an empty car seat in one hand,
The other wrapped tightly around a bag filled with unused diapers
And untouched baby clothes.
Words are spoken by her lover,
But she can only hear the deafening scream of her son,
And the silence that shortly followed.
Walking into a nursery painted blue,
Filled with bottles, blankets and
Stuffed animals that will never know
The touch of a young boy.
She thinks not only of the life that never
Got the chance to live, but
She thinks of the life that must continue, a life missing one piece of the puzzle.
And with this, a mother loses
More than her child,
She loses her sanity.

I'm not the type of person to let my mind wander
But with you
I let myself melt into your words
The voices inside my head grow silent
And I feel absolutely
everything