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211 · Jan 2016
In My Dreams
Sarbear217 Jan 2016
Who I am in my dreams
Is not who I am day to day
She is happier than I am ¬
And sees the world in positive light
Unlike me
Mind darting from thought to thought
A place so dark and unpleasant
With my mind so dead
But my body still so alive

In my dreams
I live
I want to turn my life around,
Yet I want everything to be over
I dream to be the best
Yet when it gets down to it
I believe it’s not possible

In my dreams
I am a happy go lucky person
I wish I could be.
In my life,
The sun shines
But only as the source of drought
For my serotonin.
I am stuck,
In this harsh reality
Of not seeing the good in these dreams.

In my dreams
I hold on to every last strand of life
Always smiling
Not holding in tears
But I’m like a scorching fire,
Body burned to the third degree
Scars physical or not will forever remain
But not in my dreams
204 · Jan 2016
Living On A Fault Line
Sarbear217 Jan 2016
Here in this world
Full of secrets
Of black and white
I just don’t fit
Locked up  
Running on empty
Hiding my color
In a heart
Deep inside
Great light shines
Silent and yet invisible.

Through pain and sorrow
Space and time
Merely surviving
Learning to thrive
Unmistakably strong
Yet no motivation

Falling hard
Shattering me
Helping put back the pieces
Trying to forget
I’m made of broken parts
The lasting assurance
that beyond the fears
I’m not alone
Acquiring the thought that I am seen and loved
This I now know.
Picking myself back up
Knowing I must stay
But it is hard
In this dark reality
Of black and white
159 · Nov 2015
Never Knew
Sarbear217 Nov 2015
I never knew
The world spun so fast
I held onto things too tight,
Making sure not to lose
The unplanned memories.
I tried to push out the negativity,
But I couldn’t,
I can’t let go

I sit there and watch as life whirls by,
As days turn to nights,
And a night to day,
Unable to release my grip on all
I’ve ever known.

Although it gave me blisters,
And my fingers would all ache,
I persevere and hoped that one-day things would change.
Always sure that holding on
Was worth the pain it takes.
I used to believe that letting go,
Meant losing a part of me.
That loosening the grip meant
Turning into a person my heart no longer knew.
Some how I figured out that I was the one
The one who needed to loosen the grip
In order to make the change possible.
I began to slowly open my hands
And watch as I dropped all I once knew
Although it felt like a journey from the sky to the drain
I ended up shattering on the grown
My soul became much lighter,
Instead of being filled with fear,
Letting go
Taught my heart that I can’t make everything
Last Forever
155 · Aug 2016
Living Fire
Sarbear217 Aug 2016
A scorching fire
Body burned to third degree
The scars physical
Yet forever invisible
Watching as one burns away

— The End —