Sitting behind a computer screen
Trying not to succumb to the temptations of self-loathing
Media has become the cause of my downfall
And the primary causation of self infliction
For months and years I thought and believed
That I was fine, that I was okay
But the slightest contemplation of death
Still brought me relief
I find my fingers running through the keys and letters
Scrolling past every page and article
The demons feed on the lack of confidence
The low self-esteem
And I, the degraded human being
I still set a goal for non-existence
A perfection too impossible to achieve
Yet I know that I’ll always be another face in the crowd
Another flame that’s about to die out
Another girl with too many scars,
Another girl bound to fall apart

n.j.

I never knew
The world spun so fast
I held onto things too tight,
Making sure not to lose
The unplanned memories.
I tried to push out the negativity,
But I couldn’t,
I can’t let go

I sit there and watch as life whirls by,
As days turn to nights,
And a night to day,
Unable to release my grip on all
I’ve ever known.

Although it gave me blisters,
And my fingers would all ache,
I persevere and hoped that one-day things would change.
Always sure that holding on
Was worth the pain it takes.
I used to believe that letting go,
Meant losing a part of me.
That loosening the grip meant
Turning into a person my heart no longer knew.
Some how I figured out that I was the one
The one who needed to loosen the grip
In order to make the change possible.
I began to slowly open my hands
And watch as I dropped all I once knew
Although it felt like a journey from the sky to the drain
I ended up shattering on the grown
My soul became much lighter,
Instead of being filled with fear,
Letting go
Taught my heart that I can’t make everything
Last Forever