I never say what I really mean.
First I'm fat, then I'm lean.

I like to talk at an ambiguous stranger
sometimes I can only boil with anger.

I get cut short in an argument
then I doubt the things I really meant.

Cruel people come across my path
but never directly release their wrath.

Sometimes I linger a little too long
on stuff when I get it all wrong.

But life's just too short to stay stuck in a rut
so sometimes I've got to let go and give in to my gut.

P.S. I have an after thought
I'd like to acknowledge that though I've sought

to abide by instinct instead of sorrow
it's really more of a dream for tomorrow.

Haha, go against the grain.
Oh no, what if they think you insane?
But really, it's just for the love of the game
And honestly, who's gonna remember if you're lame?

An inner dialogue familiar to us all
but it's so far from the right way to overcome a wall.
We shouldn't be asking if the risk is worth the fall,
but rather if we ourselves are done with trying to be tall.

Strength and courage doesn't come from easy-won success,
but in the ability to admit to the fact that you're a mess!

It comes back with a vengeance
when I least expect it.

Last time I was able to survive
but now I can't figure out how to feel alive.

When it comes back it warps my heart
and makes it harbor shame in every part.

Then I think of you, how you loved me
even through my misconception of my identity.

This disease comes and goes but can't control
my canter with the One who bought my soul.

My thoughts are chaos,
but I've grown used to them.
I've given up trying to organize them
but I will never stop trying to document them.

I believe in the truth of moments
that draw in deep thoughts,
that if all else fails, these wistful minutes
shall endure as silent prophecies.

And the ideas formed in these times
are to be shared with the world
and not kept hidden
because one day they could make a difference.

Because one day when you are out of the mire,
you will need to relate these thoughts
to those who are stuck in the mud
so that they will be comforted.

Because one day the moments may
not come by so often and you would
give anything to have them back.

And because these thoughts could be
the beginning of a revolution to spark
a new awakening in how the world works.

Could you please search me with your eyes again?
Our little game was harming no one.
Too shy to talk, but observing was fine,
I personally found it intensely divine.

Then nothing came of it, so that happened again.
We didn't even talk as friends...
I conclude quite decisively that next time I won't think twice
before I approach someone who looks at me nice.

Easier said than done, can't put words into practice
especially when the subject is also number one hot prince.
Is my imagination playing tricks on me or is he staring?
There's nothing more dreadful yet also exciting.

Fun as it is, I'd like to declare
that we should talk to each other to validate the stare.
It's so hard, I know, and incredibly awkward
but to end the eye game, it would be worth a few words.

Didn't make an effort, probably didn't really cry.
You were once my comfort, now I bet it was a lie.
'Cause I tried to stay in touch
but you ran before I could scarcely clutch.

So I see you for who you really are:
pathetic, afraid, afraid of loving from afar.
I don't care what you may think of me
just go your own way, hypocritical as can be.

My admiration must've gotten lost
after you were there for me, then decided I wasn't worth the cost.
And even if that's not how you meant it,
it doesn't matter because that's how I took it.

And now you can't even patch things up,
I suspect it's because you're a shallow cup.
So you can go to hell, you **** at follow through
and I've learned you're really bad at being my idol too.

Want, want to stay in your paradise always
yearn for your presence when you're out of touch
flames trickled at first and then ate us in a blaze
barely remember how it was to feel your embrace.

Lost into oblivion, a dispersion of family members
all my doing, my fault, my fault, my death.
Wounded and weeping, helpless by my own choosing
flames easily stretched us apart an put us fully in the dark.

Desire to bring them back, yet constantly brinking on goodbye,
can't do it again to me or to them.
So far so good, my loneliness reasons.
What was ventured was also lost, so don't try again.

Heart yearning for the sweetness of others,
can't reach them under private enclosures.
Liquify my excitability, lose my desire for company.
Stillness is all I have, it wraps around my destiny.