try
try
and try
again.

to be a better person
to make the right choices
to knock down those walls
to give a ****.

it's definitely easier
to not try
to not give a ****.
spend my days walking those clouds
riden the red eye
high up and far away from the people
directly next to me.
grin as they shake thier heads
and
tsk
tsk
tsk...
hell,
i could do it forever.

but the one who really matters
my star player
well, that reflection looks deep inside
with those sad eyes of hers
from her framed place up on the wall
and
well
****
you can't run from that.
can't lie when she knows
the truth.

so i try
and try
and try
again.
busted broken beaten
refusing to stay down.
fighting cause it's
the only thing worth doing
anymore.

i knew a girl who wore scars like medals.
she woud tell me awful stories about
awful things that happened in her awful life...

She always told them with a wide joker's grin.
Her waxy lipstick red lips stretching and curving
into a smile that held hate and tears and years
of not so funny laughter.

Sometimes she told me stories,
like all that hurt,
all that shame,
all those horribul
horribul things...were such a
laugh.

sitting here at 3 a.m.
deciding whether or not to
leave you.

my bags have been packed for weeks.
hidden among the piles of ***** laundry.

i know you love me,
i'm the one who is not so sure anymore...

how did it fade so fast?
how did it get so ****** up?

we did start in
all
the wrong ways.
we had so much hurt so early on...
so much to forget when the memories should have
just been starting.

the buses will start running soon.

it's unfair of me to do this...
i know...
but i am a coward.

you will have so many questions,
and i won't have a single answer...

it's better this way.

You don't know how much you mean to me.
You are strong and I am not.

But alas, I see your weakness as I begin to strengthen.
I see your chains while my bonds are broken.

I feel your sadness and I pray to help
But what good is prayer for an agnostic?

Oh, boy. I need you every day whether we talk or not.
You keep me sane and help me to make good choices.
Although, my choices as of late have not been ideal.

People make mistakes.
Learn from mine.
Live a little
Love a little.
Relax.

Life is good.
Especially when you have a friend by your side.

the coffee was cold.
a day old.
i heated it.
poured it.
fought through it.

put on a b-film.
something about crap
films made our lives
feel more fulfilling.

we laughed.
exposed every flaw.
we held hands.
snuck
loving glances.

i have to wake up in three
hours, but all i can think
is life is luck,
even for the dumbest of us,
when you tell your
eyes to open up.

i want to run away
more than words could say
but i'm afraid
my wings
are clipped.