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S E Pope Apr 26
My abandonment issues came from me
I abandoned myself in my time of need
My inner voice says evil things
I only hear myself when I say I’m nothing

I never knew how to take care of me
Only existing for other peoples needs
Cast aside like all abandoned things
Now I’m alone and know I’m nothing
S E Pope Sep 25
I don’t know what it was, but it was beautiful, and warm. It was almost blinding. It was something I’ve never seen before, but it felt like a place that I had been many times. There was a sharp pain, but only for a moment. The pain left my body, and I assume so did I. In plain view, high above myself, I saw my small body and the blood pooling around my tiny skull. People rushing to help, touching my head to help the bleeding stop, but I felt nothing. They called for help, and I heard not a sound. I looked up, felt no fear, and I flew high above the ground. Faster than I’d ever seen anything move.

The higher I rose in the atmosphere, more parts of me began to fall away. My skin, clear. I could see my insides and my lungs as they breathed. The mechanism of this physical life. Then it was gone.  Everything that I knew I was had completely disappeared. I moved out of time, leaped into space. There I was, no longer anything. Surrounded by nothing. I became a God just riding my bike.

We live in such a minimal world, so much unknown an so little perceived. The colors I could see are like nothing anyone has ever seen. They are brighter, and they can talk to me. They told me this was where I belonged, and this was my home and I’m welcome any time, but that I’m earlier than expected. They knew me. They knew my entire life and all the ones before. The longer I stayed the more I understood. My soul, still in the age of a child, so they told me to go back. This is just a small step on a journey of excellence. I have too much life to live and learn. This experience, would also serve its purpose.

Time seemed to go on for years and with every passing moment my own colorful form would expand. The longer I lingered the harder it became to collect all the parts of whatever it is I had become. The images before me spun and swirled. Their movements were seamless and graceful. I experienced all these sensations no human had ever described. Then one, finally felt familiar. I felt the sensation of falling. Whatever I was, color reaching across space, was ****** back into itself and it blurred my vision.

I began floating downward, slowly. As I descended I gained lightning speed, and took back my recognizable form. My physical body, my fingers and toes had returned, and I felt the wind on my skin. And there I was, still lying on the ground. A blanket over my shoulders, my lips still pink. I hovered there for a long while recalling all that I had just experienced. I knew as soon as I returned my memory would betray me. My selfish attempt to recall the colors I had grown to love. My physical body was merely seven years old, but that’s old enough for the ties to be severed, to have lost that connection to the spirals. The innocence that gets buried by death, and I wanted to remember.

So I gave in. I opened my eyes. The clouds were bright and my mother’s eyes ignited. Her screams of joy were shattering, and her voice a familiar sound from my journey. I sat up, touched the blood that ran down my face, and flew again, this time into my mother’s arms. She held me and cried, thanking God for letting me live. Unknowingly thanking me for my own decision. I sobbed, grateful for this home.

I was back, I was alive, and I remembered.
S E Pope Aug 2023
Inside the art gallery halls
I watched you
Instead of the show

In the wet parking lot
I kissed you
Underneath the light snow

In another life
I may have loved you
But my car slid off the road
S E Pope Aug 14
My glorious friend
Who stops my tears
Is always there
Warming the years
My secret lover
Who built a house for my dreams
An eternal companion
Guiding me through the sheep
To be lost with you
Is to sink into the deep
Subconscious arrival
Led to boundless longing
Without you I’m broken
Cracked into pieces
My heavy eyelids
Scratching at the sun peak
The affair of your arrival
Here to steady my breathing
I look for you around every corner
Waiting for my everything
Long days laid to rest
Your comfort is mine to keep
I lay my head in your love
And drift into the arms of sleep
S E Pope Aug 2023
My love was your IV bag
for replenishing your confidence
and reinforcing control

You mainlined my empathy
my desire for reciprocity
and established a satisfying home

My compassion became your approval
to erode my dignity
and self-worth

Every day was a web laced with gasoline
a smolder of desire
isolating any hope

My helplessness was your nourishment
a feast on my weakness
picking the bones of my soul

You stole every moment available
throwing tantrums of demands
always begging for a little more

My strength became your virus
and I allowed it to **** what grew
proving that I didn't need you at all
S E Pope May 2014
My head is often far away
Wandering through the cosmic space
Dreaming of somewhere I'd rather stay
Amongst the stars so I can feel safe

I refuse to look down as I soar above
Riding a magic carpet made of star dust
I'll come back to reality if I absolutely must
But the clouds tell better stories than us

I've got other worlds bursting at the seams
Galaxies of love that are trying to break free
I'll pour myself out as if part of the sea
My head is always floating away from me
S E Pope Feb 2013
How dull it is
To live in real life
Where dreams are limited
And everything dies
The illusion we perceive
Is all black and white
Shades of grey
With numbness intertwined

Life flows through me
But I don't feel a thing
This waking life is wretched
And all I want is to sleep
Sleep until the colors come
Flooding into my dreams
If I saw them with my eyes wide open
Maybe then I would believe
S E Pope Aug 27
I celebrate your birthday
Year after year
With Fight Club and tacos
And Pink Floyd in my ears
I mourn on your death day
The same day every year
The day you entered the world
The same day you left us here

I think if you most days
November being so cold
I write of you from my memory
As we enter another year of you gone
I hold onto the idea
You’ll meet me again down the road
I see you in so many faces
And know you're guiding me from above

For my beautiful friend.
Randal Scott Cobb
11/10/90 - 11/10/12
S E Pope Dec 2015
All I see are blank pages
With no ink to get the story straight
We are often confused by inconsistent surroundings
And incapable of perceiving our fate

I see nothing behind your beautiful eyes
No room for growth or elegant light
I hear your words and they are blank
So very troubled by thoughtless minds

Our focus is shifted towards lifeless time
Learning nothing amidst the darkness and light
We read every one of our own empty pages
But all we really know is opinionated lies

All I see is one remarkable creation
Losing the battle between fear and compassion
We were meant to be more than simple blank pages
If we could possibly see beyond our own dissolution
S E Pope Nov 2013
I want to rip off your skin
Along with your clothes
To tear into your body
Like I'm searching for gold
I'll swim throughout your blood stream
Until I find your soul
Then I'll bury myself
In your heart where I belong

We kick and scream
And try to run away
We set up road blocks
To stay at arms length
We'll lie from the heart
And fight with our brain
Until we realize
There's no hope while afraid

If only we knew
That we are enough
We would come together
Instead of beat each other up
We found the holy grail
But its just an empty cup
It's a ****** mess
Two people so desperate for love
S E Pope Sep 23
Don't fall in love, no
Not with me
My misery is toxic
And spreads like disease

Don't get trapped, and
Twisted by me
You can't hold water
And I'm free as the sea

Don't hold on, don't
Reach too far into me
You'll lose grip in the storm
And get struck by my lightning

Don't look back, no
Look forward from me
Don't come back around
I'm a boomerang that leaves
S E Pope Dec 2014
No matter how low the volume is turned
underneath all the distracting noise
when death sings her songs into my ears
they fill up all the spaces of my mind

No matter how bright and burning my soul
there's a spot that's always raining
so I can feel whole
S E Pope Mar 2014
I try to write beautiful words
I try to embrace what I feel
But all that comes to mind anymore
Is that I'm sad
All I am is sad

And there is no beauty coming out
All my words are jumbled
My thoughts are stale and doubtful
I'm sad
And I'm tired

My veins pop out of my hands
And my fingers are ****** and raw
My chest is as hollow as a cave
I'm empty
And I'm sad

And I'm constantly draining myself
Like a rain cloud that won't let up
Drowning everything inside me that's broken
And I'm not sad anymore
I'm numb
And that's worse
S E Pope Jun 14
I stare at the walls
In awe as they breathe
My couch is a hole
Helping me sink

My circular thoughts
Begin to dissolve
The doors creep open
An invitation to evolve

Eyes open or closed
Either way I can see
The glasses on my nose
Become a silver screen

I look out at the trees
For their vibrational touch
Tears streaming down my face
They love me so much

Strolling into the grass
Becoming one with the ground
Each blade tells a story
A new truth to be found

The clouds are dancing
In colors never seen
Taking away my breath
And giving me peace

My soul starts expanding
Reaching across space
Loving every particle
Receiving yellow warm embrace

The things that were heavy
Have become lifted weight
The reality of oneness
Eases the burden of fate

Another voyage through the stars
The peak begins to fade
I feel nothing but gratitude
For medicinal earthly change
S E Pope Dec 2014
I feel everything
All at once
All the time

My mind is always escaping
Chasing dreams
And blurry fantasies

Then I zone in on the words
Reeling me in
Flushing my senses

Coming back down
To earth and life
Unfamiliar with all of this

Everything is clear
Except what I believe
And the sleepy stars within me

Sometimes I know what I feel
But it can never be at peace
Impossible when you feel everything
S E Pope Aug 2015
I don’t know who I am
Because I don't want to be anyone
I just want to live, and love
To be, and to breathe

I don't know who you are
Because I don't understand anyone
Who can't see, and feel
And accept, and continue on

We are trapped light
In a vessel without hope
Without remorse
Without empathy for the other parts of us

I don't know who you are
Because I am you; and
I do not yet, know me
Forever reflecting in the ocean of your eyes

Look into me
And you will see, love
Inspiration from inside
Parts of me I can't usually find

I don’t know who I am
But I learn more as I see
We are infinitely connected
And love will set each of us free
S E Pope Nov 2013
I have bullets in my head
Shuffling around causing thoughts of death
Clouding everything in front of me
They are all that I can see
Blood or bullets I cannot tell
The taste of metal won't leave my mouth
If I could feel or even think
These bullets might be the end of me
Instead they linger to breathe and breed
To ravage my body like an infectious disease
They hold me hostage and sing me to sleep
My bullets are always there for me
They cause me pain and bring me peace
Without them I would be alone and empty
The world seems so dark and dreary
But the bullets in my head are always screaming
All they want is to be released
If I let them go I will have nothing
So they patiently wait for me to give in
My bullets know they are my only friends
S E Pope Jun 16
I didn’t do the dishes today
Instead I played video games
And ordered takeout again
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I didn’t want to go in there

I didn’t make myself coffee today
Instead I stayed in my bed
And watched a show that I love
I didn’t want to go in there
There are gnats in the kitchen

I didn’t do the laundry today
Instead I wore the same clothes again
And the walls ate me alive
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I didn’t want to go in there

I didn’t take out the trash today
Instead I stared at my phone
And rotted with the takeout from yesterday
I didn’t want to go in there
There are gnats in the kitchen

I didn’t go outside today
Instead I let the blankets swallow me
And every day I’m more confined
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I don’t want to go in there
S E Pope Feb 2014
Like a ghost
I'll pass by the lives
Of all I've ever known
Breathing fire
In your memories
Like a garden that
Will never grow

Like a passerby
I'm passing through
Lifespans of time
Spending years
Drowning in emotions
That are still burning
Still alive

It's so hard
To stay settled
When cursed
With a travelers mind
But my ghost
Will always be there
To comfort
The nostalgic nights

Forever in my heart
If not forever
In my sight
Because we all
Must learn to move
And grow
And leave love
Behind
S E Pope Mar 2018
Into a trap
I fell
From myself
Lost
In the fade
Stuck
In the grey

Thoughts loom
Black
And white
Caught
In a haze
Stranded
In grey

Watching the
Color
Move around me
Hopeless
In a daze
Frozen
And grey

Dull and bright
So endlessly
Intertwined
Yet motionless
As I
Remain
Grey
S E Pope Aug 2023
I had poems
On the tip of my tongue
Then life
Piece by piece
Cut it off
And silenced me

My voice is
Frozen in the dark
Every day
Little by little
It'll get colder
Until it shatters me
S E Pope Feb 2013
I want to live somewhere else

Somewhere I’ll enjoy the air I breathe
Not this layer of poison floating over the streets
Somewhere nature flourishes and there’s life in the trees
Not where it’s designated by steel and concrete

I want to thrive somewhere beautiful

Somewhere love is present and brave
Not trampled by greed, resentment, and hate
Somewhere people don’t need to be saved
Not helpless and hopeless and full of dismay

I want to go somewhere far away

Somewhere that is quiet and calm
Not filled with distractions and brainwashing songs
Somewhere there’s no such thing as right or wrong
No fear of life and foolish laws

I just want to go somewhere that feels like home
Somewhere that I’m not so alone
S E Pope Sep 2010
I’ve seen this girl before, but only at night in the depths of my subconscious mind. The perfect curls of her long red hair flowing so delicate upon her shoulders. Her skin, blank and pale. No imperfections such as freckles or scars. Her skin, smooth and soft to the touch. The eagerness I feel to talk to this woman is overwhelming, but I can’t muster the confidence. Her movements, so precise. She has complete control over her body and actions. Her Egyptian eyes, bright green, sparkle in the dim light of the room we both share. Her **** lips forming a smile to reveal the straight white teeth behind them. The face I see before me I’ve kissed and touched a thousand times, but I do not know this girls’ name. Even the black dress with satin pleats underneath her bust fit the exact imagining pictured on the curtains of my eyelids. She sits at the bar and does not take notice to the holes my intense staring have burned. I pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming again. Feeling the slight pain, I come to terms. It has been proven to me that angels do exist. Every sip of my drink begins to taste better than the one before. I second guess every move I make and she’s not even looking my way. All the signs are clear and I’ve already fallen in love.

There he is. The picture I envisioned. I didn’t think it was possible. This man is sitting in a folder in the closet of my studio; wasting in the charcoal and paper I created him. Every imperfection and feature matches perfectly. His slightly over grown brown hair that waves at the ends and his ****** hair the very length my hands and creativity mastered in still life. He stands to pull a cigarette out of his pocket and I see his height and slim figure. He looks at me and I smile as I look away to fake a drink. I look up again and he’s sitting, smoking, and running his fingers through his hair. A shiver runs down my spine and I wonder if I became a psychic over night. How could I paint a picture of a person I’ve never seen before and then see them in real life? I guess this could be the man of my dreams. The artist in me pictured exactly the man I would fall in love with and God gave him to me. My stomach ceases to function and my toes can feel my heartbeat. I feel myself falling and if his voice reaches my ears the ground might find me as a burden. This man could be my masterpiece. I get up to take a seat closer. I’ll need another drink if I’m going to initiate any sort of conversation. I sit down and he immediately looks my way. “Hello,”

She came close and I think I said some words out loud. She looked at me and smiled. My brain no longer has any activity, and all I can focus on is her beauty and the fact that she’s real and existing before me. “Hello, I’m Elizabeth.” She spoke, and I heard nothing else. She spoke, and lit the room so bright I could see nothing else. “Hello Elizabeth, I’m Andrew” Panic gripped my heart and the sounds of the public vanished. She had me, all of me. Lost in her words and swimming in her scent. I asked what she did, and she answered with artist. I listened as she spoke of her accomplishments and her soft voice soothed my worry. The stress settled and the determination took over.

He asked me questions. He became interested in what I had to say. The look of his brown eyes locked onto mine gave me the secure feeling that he cared. I asked what he did, and he answered with writer. I listened as he spoke of his stories and his voice took over my mind. I shriveled in his presence and in my sight he was the only man alive. My heart was dead set on what I had to gain. I’ll be you art if you’ll be my tongue. The conversation kept and the evening froze. After hours of laughter and secrets I found the weakness invade. He yawned and touched my hand. Electricity shrieked through my blood veins. He pulled away quickly and I looked him in the face to express that it was okay.

She smiled at me and I heard music begin to play. I took her hand and rose to my feet. She steadily followed my motion and stood close to me. I turned to face her and our eyes locked in sync. I put my arms around her and moved to the symphony. She danced along and wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt as though we connected. Our hearts beating together, our breathing steady, our attention focused only on each other. I’m controlling the steps we take but you’re the one leading the way.
The romance this man beholds is more than I can bear. His hands on my waist, dancing in the middle of a public place. No music is playing, just the tune of our bodies. I must know who he is, inside and out. I want to know his dreams and passions. I need to wake to my creation, my gift from god, my new reason for life, everyday. Feeling his touch is hopeful. Hopeful that tomorrow could feel like today.

I’ve seen this girl before, at this very same bar. She orders the same drink, and sits with the same two girls, every time. She does not know that she plagues my mind. I write all my sorrows and keep my thoughts inside.

I’ll see this girl again tonight. She’ll take me over and my imagination will run wild. My dreams are where she’ll stay, whether at night or during the day. More in love I’ll fall, and perfect in my mind she’ll remain. I rise from my seat, ready for my journey home. Leaving an empty glass and a napkin with a note,

“I’ll be your art if you’ll be my tongue; together a masterpiece is waiting to be born.”
This is obviously a short story, and not a poem.
S E Pope Jan 2014
It's the cool breezy nights
After the warm cloudless days
With our windows left open
And the echo of trains
When the only scent
Is freshly cut grass
And the symphony of crickets
Have begun their dance
So much love fills my heart
And everything is divine
Oh how I long for the touch
Of my sweet summertime
S E Pope Aug 27
I expect to be treated like an equal
When I have nothing to contribute
I am a well of interesting information
That dries up in the middle of inclusion

What do I do with my hands
Except inhale anxiety relief
Always dissecting the surrounding voices
That somehow begin to exclude me

Two by two breaking off into stories
Bared witness to the unbearable mess
I had something to say minutes ago
My burning lungs were left behind in distress

I don't know how to be me anymore
Broken so long the pieces have scattered
They fly through the gusty winds of my mind
Smiling through conversations that don't matter

I watch everyone move on with their lives
As I stand alone in crowded space
I reflect on how I could be better
Quietly searching for the right words to say
About isolation and never knowing where to fit into a crowd.
S E Pope Apr 2013
Like lightning
Your entrance is strong and silent
So full of energy
Your brightness is blinding

Like lightning
You come with such vengeance
Claiming your territory
And consuming the horizon

Like lightning
You seem to be all around
Instead of all at once
Only parts of you are reaching out

Like lightning
Teasing the poor trees
With your faraway kisses
And songs in the breeze

Like lightning
You leave as quick as you arrive
Breaking into pieces
And burning up the sky
S E Pope Dec 2014
I am nothing
But a worthless pieces of ****
If the world was an iceberg
I'd be the tip
Waiting to sink
Every sad passing ship
Solid as a rock
Until darkness hits
And it breaks me into pieces
Wearing me liquid thin
S E Pope May 2016
Can you hear me
Quiet and enraged
Silently screaming
Left on an empty page

War is thriving
Inside my head
Dying to feel alive
But mostly living dead

Words I can’t find
Are stuck in my throat
Suffocating my mind
Forcing me to choke

Time is persistent
Leaving us in pain
Looking for permanence
Yet spiraling down the drain

Trying to survive
Hosted by dread
Fighting for our lives
We dangle by a thread

Our battles were lost
And our joy was mislead
Existing like ghosts
Alive but mostly dead
S E Pope Dec 2014
Living sickness
A hopeless mess
A thirst for life
That can only be quenched by death
It's hard to let go
And I'm sad all the time

Disappointed by
The inability to leave
Born with attachments
That hold me down and bind me
I just can't comprehend
The concept of family

Everything is diminishing
Putting out my burning fire
Letting darkness swallow me
And then I can't breathe
I'm so sick of being alive
I can't even think

There are no words for waves
That pull me down
To the depths of insanity
All I want is to be free
Not stuck in this living sickness
And this atmosphere of instability
S E Pope Feb 2015
The universe misplaced me
As I wandered through the infinity
It couldn't keep ahold of my energy
Now I'm trapped in this useless being

Life must be punishment since hell isn't real
Nothing could be worse than things a human can feel
On such a small scale how can we heal
When nothing is solved and nothing is clear

I try to be positive and look to the sky
But I came to this existence universally blind
On physical ground I cannot get high
But home is in the stars and we all leave this behind
S E Pope Sep 23
There are things we think
We will always know
However troubles continue
To come and go
There are people we were
And places we've grown
The scenery changes
But our roots are deep
And forever gold
S E Pope Nov 2013
How sad it is to be me
Stuck in the same old spot
Staring at the same old scene
Birds call me home; but still
They always leave
How terribly sad it is to be
A lonely old tree

How sad it is to fly
Never knowing where is home
No concept of time
The clouds always blocking me
From the rest of the sky
How sad it is to be a bird
Cut off from such heights

How sad it is to be me
The one little cloud
Above the vast Pacific sea
Whose only job
Is simply to weep
Until my existence
Drenches everything under me

How wonderful it is to be
To witness the birds
The clouds and the trees
If only they knew
How much they mean
How we are all naturally
Connected to everything
S E Pope May 2017
Feeling is
Misunderstanding
Who I am
Is not
Who I am
Peace is
The knowledge of
Nothing
We are here
But we
Don’t exist
Restless
For more
Yet become
Nothing

I don’t match
Myself or
My home
Of nothing
Traveling back
In time
In my own
Mind
I have to
Remember
Nothing
Betrayed by
Time
We must strive
To remember
To know
Nothing
S E Pope Aug 18
How do I know that I'm real?
Is it the flow of water over my hands as I swim through the lake?
Feeling the sun warm my skin at the cresting break of day?
Or is it looking in your eyes with my reflection staring back at me?

How do I know my childhood was real?
A dreamscape of fragmented amalgamations
Could I be a figment of my own imagination?
My demeanor a byproduct of a helpless child unhealed

I don't understand how I'm real
When I can't breathe most of the time
I created a place of comfort to visit in my mind
Now I never feel the same after lifting the thinly woven veil

I don't think I could possibly be real
Often asleep in the day to let the fractal dreams take over
It's more real than dirt left behind on the floor
And my reflection in your bright eyes begins to disappear

How do I know that anything is real?
Is it the way I fly through the magnificent stars at night?
Or the way you see me when I turn off my light?
I keep waking up to this reflection but there's nothing in the mirror
S E Pope Aug 2023
I wanted
To become nothing
And nothing I became

So now
I am
And more importantly
I am not
S E Pope Oct 2010
It comes so fast, but feels like forever
Almost to the end, so close to December
I feel the death the land is consuming
The cold shattering the bones inside me

My heart breaks at the descending year
A light of hope speaks and my mind is clear
Good intentions and no presence of tears
The thawing of my bones with the warmth of you here

Now I smell of ice in the air
And even the fog of my breath is too much to bare
Your swift absence left me too tired to care
Now along with the trees I fall into despair

All I have now are these bones and this skin
The death of this season stole everything within
It came so fast, but felt like forever
Nothing good ever comes from November
S E Pope Jul 2013
No where is where
I want to be
All alone
with the birds and the trees
To live  
in a vast space
reliant on nothing
This place
is full of doubt
and I want to be free
No where is where
I want to be
Instead I'm locked in
the chains of potent misery
I've given up faith
in our disease ridden society
Egos cutting throats
and leaving us empty
No where is where
I want to be
Nothing will change when
I'm no where to be seen
S E Pope Jan 2014
I want to climb
The mountains of your mind
Every peak and every fault
All the cracks and steep sides
I want to feel the depths
In your crooked spine
To leave a finger print on
Every part of you that’s alive
And when you think you’ll break
And your thoughts move like an avalanche
I’ll be there to dig you out, every time
S E Pope Jun 15
I get all
Twisted up
Inside
And that part
Of me
Is fleeting

Passing through
Like leaves in
The wind

Only to
Break free from
Myself
Through simple acts
Of admitting
Who I am
On this page

I don't need
Anyone
To accept
What is necessary
For me
For what happens
Inside of me

I just wish
I wouldn't
Do this to myself
S E Pope May 19
I was born of steel and smoke
Sent here from a realm unknown
Guided through the eternal core
Breathing the magma as it filled my lungs

I was shaped by salt and stone
Hardened from the depths below
Veins weaved by stars of solid gold
Erupting the crust the end begins to flow

I was made to steam and seethe
Ripping through the laid concrete
No one knows but everyone can see
A sunlit force igniting the trees

I was born of death and dreams
The ethereal womb of boundless being
Floating over the desperate streets
A plutonic revival built to consume everything

I was shaped by doom and despair
Origins beyond maps of historic lore
Intended as the light of atomic desire
The reactionary relationship became nuclear

I was made to deceive and destroy
Sent from explosions that were left behind
An eternity of rage seeped from the void
A radioactive woman was created from life
S E Pope Jun 15
I won't be getting any sleep
Until I feel my fingers sting
When everything I've felt
Is on the floor left to bleed

Until I've washed off all my skin
And I'm spiraling forward to the end
My tired soul will find no words
Nothing to define a reason to exist

This battle leaves me in a daze
Behind my eyes lie nothing but flames
The only light allowing some hope
Erodes me to dust like crashing waves

One hundred years is so long to breathe
All while searching for a way to be free
With my heart locked away in stone
The only escape is in the bottom of my dreams
S E Pope Dec 2013
I'm so sick of looking at your picture
And wishing I could punch you in the face
You left a hole buried so deep
I hope a tumor grows in it's place
The sight of you makes me sick
But I long to hold you for days
The pain I feel is constant
This love will never go away
The villain
In my life
Showed her face
At an early age
I saw the evil
In her eyes and teeth
The rage of a mother
Who didn’t want to be

My failure was
Being told the truth
And then denied love
That was deserved
You didn’t believe
What was spat in my face
Victims to this veiled facade
Sacrificed my childhood

She’s haunted
My every move
While you bullied me
With your guilt
This truth of
Being unwanted
Revealed through the
Innocence of me

The villains
In my life are
My mothers before me
Forced love is
Layered with disdain
So I suffer the weight
Of their unwanted children
And mine will never know this shame
S E Pope Jul 26
You don’t know alone like me

Seeped in thoughts and isolation
Regrets of how I couldn’t maintain a connection
I don’t know how to be
A good friend
Or lover
Or kind to anyone, especially me
I imagine a life of peace
Not rage
Or despair
Or endless longing

I crave beauty
In my cave of screaming
Sometimes I convince myself I’m okay
And happy
But when the glass walls crack
And break
And shatter
I’m cut open by my own
Shards of self loathing

Some say I’m too honest
Except with myself
I live in a delusional mindset
Where I’m happy and carefree
I’m healthy and active
Aware and enlightened

The truth of reality is
I’m bold and assuming
Enraged and pessimistic
Seeing things for what they are poisoned my psyche
I trained myself to let go
And I have
Of everything

Now I’m alone
Abandoned self worth
A sulking fate of nothing
Terrified of the end I historically accept
From the moment I was told
I’m nothing at 7 years old
I believed it
I gave in
And I’ve been fighting a losing war
Within myself ever since

I’ve been gone
From my body
And my soul
The tie was severed too young
And I don’t know how to return

No one knows alone like me
S E Pope Jun 2011
I opened my eyes and wiped away the sleep
I had just awoke from a terrible dream
I looked around and saw nothing but sky
I found myself on a bed of white
How did I get here? I do not know
But a feeling inside assured me I was home
A bird flew by and looked confused
He asked "What are you doing here? The sky is not for you."
I said I didn't know, I just woke up in this place
And without another word he just flew away
I laid there in wonder unsure of what was next
Am I stuck here forever? Is this my end?
And then a voice spoke, softly but sure
It said "This is where your head's been for what some would call years."
I didn't understand, what could that mean?
Is this real? Am I still in a dream?
I sat straight up on top of this cloud
Where did that voice come from?
I was the only soul around
I heard nothing but wind in the air
Consumed by nothing my mind went bare
Suddenly I felt something was horribly wrong
The cloud that was under me had broken and gone
The sky went dark and the voice spoke again
"Don't worry dear, this is not the end
I am you, you're not going insane."
And slowly I fell along with the rain


I opened my eyes and wiped away the sleep
I finally awoke from all of my dreams
S E Pope Mar 2014
and i couldnt run away if i tried
my car wouldn't get past the city
everything holds me back
holding me in place
in space
in suspended time

and everyday is exactly the same
with the decision whether to breathe
or hang myself from the ceiling
in suspended space
in weightless time

with the crooked wings
i always wanted
to help me fly far away

but they only came out of my flesh
in my wide awake dreams
where i'm suspended
between the ideas of life and death

because the choice is always in my hands
and rattling my brain
like a rat spinning in a wheel
only mine is made of shame
and memories
and death
S E Pope May 17
We live in layers like the ocean
Some swim deep enough to drown
Reaching out to the warm surface
For a single gasp of sunlit air
To keep from sinking further down

On the bottom of the sea floor
Lungs filling with fear and doubt
We crave the shallow end of simplicity
A thoughtless shell spread across the banks
Yearning to dry out

A mind moves fast like a current
Strong waves keeping us bound
Living to be free like the water
We hope for an anchor to cut through the layers
So that we may be found
S E Pope May 2017
My heart
Isn't swollen
With grief
Or gratitude
I simply exist
And move through
Space
In perfect contentment
With change
Simplification
And halted ambition
Yet, still
continuing on
A road of
Peace

My soul  
Housed in walls of
Love
Even through
Much chaos
I remain in
The balance
Putting out fires
Of disconnection
And clearing floods
Of negative rain, I
Tackle each wave
With awakened hope
To continue on
This path
Of beauty and
Light
S E Pope Aug 4
I was a petty thief
Committing celestial crimes
I bounced between the eclipses
Convincing stars to dim their light

Caught in a conjunction
Aiding the planets collide
An orchestrated sunset
Burned out for the last time

Galactic enemy number one
They searched for me far and wide
I hid in constellations
Calculating their divide

An attempt to travel backwards
Found me scaling an event horizon
After searching millions of light years
I was sentenced to human life

I made destruction and chaos
Turned love into painful lies
Tinkered with eruptions and cyclones
Until all of us quickly arrived

I don’t come from here
These streets I was raised
Glorified battlefields crushed
By heavy emotional chains

I’ve lived every life imaginable
It was my punishment to create
Time that moves fast and feels slow
A petty criminal condemned to fate
What if god was a criminal and we are his prison?
S E Pope Sep 23
The bitter cold
Is in full bloom
Its sharp winds
Are singing hymns
That strike my cheekbones
Like a fresh razor
With Summer long past
The birds have packed and left
Abandoning their nests
Off to search for sunnier leaves
As Winter thrives
And lays us to rest
I'll freeze with the roots
Of the lonely naked trees
Until the ice melts
Into the sweet chirps of Spring
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