Sarah

Sarah Nov 2015

Doors.

There is a way out
there is a way to
stand up,
put out your
hands and feel
your way to
daybreak.

-to push open the
heavy door and
open up the
flood-gates,
yelling
"Let me in, for God's
sake
let me in!"

There is a way to
open any door
and let the
light in.

Sarah Nov 2015

After the Party.

I watched you
spiraling like
falling
confetti, resisting
hitting the
ground
in a chaotic
dance, the bats
of origami

I'm not sure if you know this,
or if I've ever said it-
and I'm honestly
not sure what
you know,
but

after the party
when the candles all
burnt out
and you were
sweating out
the belief you're
not enough,
I was sitting in
a rickety-old-fold-up-chair
tapping my foot,
thinking of telling
you that
you are enough,
you're celebratory confetti,
a thousand sprinkles of
abstract shapes
hard edges
inexplainable
indescribable
unrepairable

and after every show,
every party,
after
every means of celebration
where the balloons might be
released and where
the blow horns might
sound,
I want it all
to be with you,
we can't conquer the world,
but
we'll sure as hell
confetti the
ground.

Sarah Nov 2015

With Whom, I Fall in Love

I paint every person
whom with,
I fall in love

I close my eyes and memorize
the lacy veil of blue beneath
the skin, the
tone of
the edge of a rose,
a petal,
the knuckles of
a lover that
keep me in
their grasp

I paint every person,
with whom
I fall in love,
but you.
All of them
but you- and no,
I don't know why.
Know, I don't know why
I can't bring myself
to put you on
to paper
like the
others.

Sarah Nov 2015

Vault

Even though
I rarely see you
anymore,
and even though
it's clear
that you've
moved on,

I'm sitting every night
observing how you come
in and out of
my mind, trying to
meditate in the
hopes of moving
on

I don't think there's
a moving on,
just a further place
from pain-
the memory gets pushed
back deeper in
the vault,
but you're the key
you'll always be
the key

You're the key
that
opens up
the vault of
hope in
me.

Sarah Nov 2015

Mine

I don't like to
assume,
but I think that
      you're mine.
I think that as
you welcome
Midnight Lovers &
your bedroom door swings
open,
    shut,
      in and out
     with walking veils  of
flowers to
   distract you from
the pain,
          you're mine.
      somewhere, you're mine

   I know you

that in some sort
of way, some sort of
reality, whether it's another
dimension-( I've
learned about
other dimensions),
or another
stretch of time,

Darling, I've always been here
for you
and somehow,
you'll always be mine.

Sarah Nov 2015

Landscape

It's not one thing
It's not five
It's not something I can
point to on a map
of my wrongdoings and my
rights
The geography of the
darkest places I have
within me
and the landscaped
version that I share and
I've
refined,

I'm sorry

It's not one thing, my love,
It's not five

It's all things all the time.

Sarah Nov 2015

Beaming Anywhere

I'm stuck sitting in
the mezzanine,
legs-crossed in
the dark
being pulled
so many ways,
and I'm praying
beam me up,
beam me up
for the love of symphonies and
melodies,
abstract orchestral harmonies,
beam me up.

and I'm crumpling plans
in my hands
that I've went over and over
diagrams
of how to
work-things-out
which way to lean in-
to the wind and when
to let it pull
me up

These wings aren't
made for
flying
or softening
my fall,
and my arms weren't made
to find somebody new.
My hands weren't made
to take the pain
of the push, the grab, the pull
of knowing
I'm not
going up,
beaming anywhere with you.