It's been a year
since I saw you
die

since I slept rest-
lessly, my forehead pressed
against your
hospital bed

Night after night
your struggling
breath and
the beep beep beep of
your monitors

It's been a year spent
licking my wounds
in hopes that they
would heal,
like people say that
time will do

It's been a year
since I saw you
die
and, my
love,

I still can't
live without
you.

I walked into
the concert
hall
and saw you
on the
stage, a glow
of amber
light filling
up the night- a
sparkling fleck of
gold in
the river
path of
life

There you were,
such home to
me
such a wonted
sense
to me
a quiet type of
thrill that's like the
hatching
of an egg or the
stirring of a bird
making her way
through
Autumn's leaves
to ride with
dawn

There you were
on stage,
immersed in
October's Sandaraca
and I thought
you were,
I think,
you are,
I hope
you are
at home with me and
every sunset's
encore.

I've given a
new name
to my hopes-

looking forward,
when Winter is
a stone throw's
away

I may be a
Goddess of
silver lining, always
trying to
wade through
the thickened blue

But I used to know
nothing of
Romance or even
believe that
love existed

but now I will not leave
behind what's handed
to me, and, Godammit,
I'll stir the *** until
the fumes take
over

And I'll look back
at every thought
of you and
thank fate for
the time

And smile
even though
I lost you-

you made me
believe in
love again

Stand by,
feel the warmth,
of the flame
burning like a
bulb in
me
My love,
stand by,
put your hands
out, in the
night to
warm your
frozen
fingers
against the
fire,
Oh god,
pull your gloves off.
Your hat off.
Your jacket and
your scarf.
Pull back your sweater and
all the blinds that keep your
love contained,
your love
hidden from
me-

I know you're in there.

Where there's a match,
there's potential,
an undeveloped inferno,
the conviction of
a heaven draped in
light that fills the
spaces in your
wreckage.

I'll strike you 1,000 times
to
pull you out
from the dark.

I haven't thought
about you in
awhile
how soft
you looked
within your
bed, your
hands a
fading shade
of
blue

I don't want
to abandon
you,
the thought
of you,
the ghost of
you that sleeps
in my bed
at night
with me

there's a reason
I'm so stoic now,
so somber now,
my chin up while I'm
quiet now

There's nothing I can
think to say
since you lie
in a bed of
white and
next thing
I know
you were
ashes being
sprinkled on
Reno

I haven't thought
about you in
awhile, it's
fading shades
of blue