Early this
morning

when the sun had
started her
rise

I put the needle
on Janis Joplin
and she sang to
autumn's chilly
dark

and I filled in my
eyebrows
with a soft, brown
pencil
and I stared at my
self in the
mirror as
I curled my
hair

and I saw you in my
eyes ,
                 somewhere.


I'm giving it my best shot
not to see you
anymore
and so
I put
my
feathered
black
hunter's hat
on and
I venture out
into the
day.

In my red
bathtub,
my ceramic,
clawfoot
bathtub,
with a single
yellow light,
above the mirror-

I lie with you
a lover who
holds me in his
arms,
romantically

I've never met
a friend
like you
who I love
so endless-
ly

and as we lie,
the water
slowly
cooling,
our knobby
knees bobbing
in the bliss

I know there's love
for me
in you
I see it somewhere
in your
touch
even though
I'm just a friend

I love you and you
know it
and I hope one
day you'll show it
too.

There you were
at the end
of my driveway
your bright red
hat against
September's
fog of sunrise

There you were
as you as
ever
waiting with
your hands
shoved in your
pockets

And there I was.
totally
in love
with you-
my gloves and scarves and clothes
hiding my
feelings

so I'll go to
the farm with you.
I'll walk the muddy
apple lines
with you
and I'll pretend it
doesn't hurt me
when
you do not
say my name

and later,
when the LP is on
and the cider's on my stove-
and the dogs are running,
and your body is
pressing mine
I'll hold my breath
as to not tell
you
I love you
ceaselessly

hold me for
another
moment
and remind me
we're just
friends.

I know
I'm not the
"best"
that you could
find,

but all I
wanted
to do was
love you.