I am awoken by the rain.

The sound of it drumming against my window
And water hitting water as it splashes into puddles.
As my senses awake, I recognize the fuzzy feeling in my mouth;
Time to brush my teeth.

I get ready for the day and head outside
Where it is still raining.
I close my eyes as I step beneath the clouds.

I feel the coolness of water droplets land on my sleepy, warm skin
I take a deep breath and let the scent of everything fill my nose.
The lilacs and tulips in the yard
Mixed with the soft smell of dirt and the grass
And the air and the rain

That cool, refreshing smell
Like starting over.

Then I open my eyes
The clouds I see
Are a bittersweet gray
The same shade of his eyes at dusk.

The grass is the deepest shade of green I've ever seen it
Being highlighted by the dark light from the sky
It all was beautiful.

I take another look
And another deep breath
And head off for the day.

No silver lining to this cloud
gray, even more so damp.
Pouring down on my soul as I just lay
I lay here and cry as the rain hides my pain.
Getting sick is no concern, but my heart aches and cramps.

I long for her eyes, so bright and aware of my innermost secrets.
Now I sit, for her return to my arms wide open.
One more bottle to open, she will arrive.
To wipe these tears from my eyes.
Those beautiful lips and beaming smile, it drives me wild.

From above I hear our song, and I sing along.
She is no where near me, rather so very far away.
Hiding away, waiting for me to join her, maybe I will someday.
Six feet beneath the dirt she sleeps in silence.
I feel her here, next to me. My darling, my sweet, my wife May.

If I had an inch I'd give you a mile
If you were a frown I'd give you a thousand smiles
I'd give you the world if you asked
But all I want you to have is my heart

I'll write you a song if that's what you want
Then tear it all up if you don't
I'll show you my mind and give you my heart
Just promise you won't rip it apart

I want to know how you are
I want to know your heart and soul
Your voice is a work of art
I wish you could be mine to hold

I never could move on from your eyes
They'd haunt me wherever I go
Quitting isn't always so bad
When giving up on the impossible

Honestly I'd be crazy not to love you
Although the effect seems the same either way
I have dreams of spending forever with you
I wonder if you'd want to stay?

The beginning is a vicious start.
Of tears of joy and an open heart.
But we are fighting the inevitable,
As the fear of death can be incredible.
we will always be judged by our beauty
as people feel like it's their duty
to speak about us in horrible ways
do they not know that the sadness stays..

but although life can give you greif
you've got to go on with the belief
that through life you will learn from failing
and life is an ocean that you are sailing.
Sail it well as you've got one chance
live it like it's your last dance.

You watched
me step from the dark
without a word
without a sound
just staring as I
stumbled so slowly
so close
so distant
but fingers could
still have reached
if your heart was in
them

instead

you filled the air
with silence
filled your head
with everything but
remembrance
eyes looking
not truly seeing
what clearly was lying
on top of my skin
really
no glass needed

but I had become
a part of something
you needed to
be forgotten
to move?
to live?

I was never told

and even now
only because I fell back
into the light
so close
so distant
your fingers slightly
stretched
but they lack
the warmth
that you had
traced on my skin
in permanent
marker

I breathe in the poisoned fumes,
Of culture, spirit and mind,
Of what I thought was right but turned out Wrong.
I look at myself in the reflection of time,
I scream.
Where Did I go ?
I disappear slowly,
Scared to turn around,
I don't know what is lurking in the corner of my mind.
I sit in the middle as my fears surround me,
But I slowly stand up and face them one by one.
My mind doesn't seem so dark anymore,
I don't feel so dead anymore.