I walk the world with thoughts of you
In every place I go
Your voice is on the winter wind
Your footprints in the snow
And every tool I try to use to scrape you from my mind
Cuts your name onto my tongue
And beats me till I'm blind
I layed my head upon your knees and breathed the air you breathed
I cut myself when you were cut to know just how you bleed
Now as I walk this empty earth with nothing but a face
To breathe me and to bleed me
Until I leave this place

My grandmother liked you
But does not fail
To remind me
"He needs an education"
She does it out of love
maybe fear
Or both, neither

I do not argue
it may be true
but just as facing your fears makes them real
so will her words
that stain the inside of my mind

Love used to make the world go round
you are still my prince
my king
but I do not know if your love
will ever pay the bills
And the castle will not
stay afloat

from adoration

You don't know, soon I'll be a college graduate.
you were the person I talked about,  
when it came to succeeding.
Not because of, but in spite.

You don't know that I am in love.
The man treats me like a princess,
better than you,
ever even hinted at.

You don't know, that I whispered:
"I wish I had a daddy."
As he picked out a birthday card for his father.
And I cried in the aisle of Walmart.

You don't know I had so much love to give you.
You could have been so proud of me.
I would have been so...much.

Now I just push the idea of you away.
Trying not to remember,
that most have fathers.
Around.

And the saddest part.
I cannot get closure, when you
never really even started anything,

for me to end.