Something like magic, a soft breeze...
Fluttering angel wings..

He stood bright and shiney like I created him out of the best dreams and fancies.

Don't look now , Prince Charming has fallen off the high horse.

His face is crumbling in on itself and the real face is coming trough.

I don't know this man... not sure if I will even like him.

Things have changed and his sweetness and innocent demeanor have changed.

Standing before a raging bull I cry out,  can anyone hear my cries?

I've been a fool for  this love too many times.

He cannot be allowed back once the gates are closed this time.

Maybe it's just time to wake up...the alarm clock is buzzing in my head.

So you love me so much you couldn't live with out me...
But I told you could and you should.
You did and you did it so well.

It doesn't change the ways we are alike.
The ways we relate that nobody else will ever understand.
Our own little world.

Did I dream it all into life?

Maybe it never happened.
This all in my head.
The feelings are all made up.

If that is so it can fade.

How can you say those things and turn around and take them all away?
As if they never were true.
I never meant that much to you.

I am dizzied by all of this.

Look at me that way again just once, let me hear the emotions in your voice.
Like you want to protect me.
Like I am your princess to save every single day.

Like you love me and all in the world is right and true.

What's your problem?

I've lost love and taken love away.

Been crushed in a single blow by the same words over and over again.

We all have damage.

All alone I stand aching for something more out of this life.

I am determined to stand up and brush away the dust I've gathered feeling sorry for myself way too long.

Getting to know the facets of the person I've grown to be in my time alone.

Taking time ,excuse me now I've got damage to repair.

So sit and tell me now, what are your damages?

so hazy, I think it was just a dream

I can't help but fight the tears

my first proposal

over the phone

I wanted to say  yes

I thought I did

but you were so far away

why can't we love in the moment

when I am in your arms

laying together so close

so safe

so terrified

ahh this is gonna hurt a lot

your eyes have gotten colder

a distance  between us

even now in your arms

trying not to cry as you make my wish come true

tears come so easy now

I knew it

this is gonna hurt more than I can stand

no longer in your arms

beautiful sweet exquisite pain

I know it's not up to me.

But I just want you to be happy and free.

It's none of my never mind.

But I wonder all the time.

Not that I have any right.

But I wonder where you will sleep tonight.

I should never ask.

But I wonder if there are things you just can't tell me.

I wonder why it is everyone thinks I need to be controlled?

I thought I had a handle on this.
I did it on my own.

Some wild forces simply just are.

Running free is a dream.
There is always someone to disappoint.

But nobody loves this much.

Dancing to music in my head.
Spin around until I fall flat on my bed.

I touch your face softly hoping you can see the strength in my eyes.

Holding back forces stronger then you.
Embracing those who have given up.

I feel pain for all not just you so please open your eyes

Never hurt a soul from viscous intent.
Trying daily to quench my thirst before the next challenge.

Why can't you see my world as I do?

Excuse me as I fall to human frailty.

Tell me I am prettier then anyone before me.
Better yet tell me you love me more.

I am tired of feeling like charity.

Please lie to me and tell me you can't live without me.
You would surely fall apart.

Humor me please because I am female.

Give me a reason to fight for us.
Fight hard to earn my love.

I cannot fight alone anymore.

Together in this until the end.
At least until I am too weary to hold my sword and shield.

As I come in from a long day of nonsense I greet you,
"Hello Baby, How was your day?"

You don't even leave the other room and mumble "terrible"

I walk into the room and your back is to me.
You don't even look at me as your playing your game.

You purse your lips for a kiss not moving your eyes off the screen.

I wish this rarely happened
It's happens almost every day.

Even if you have a good day you barely look my way.

You might have a minute to spare if there is something on TV
You sit right next to me. We don't talk much.

The next show that comes on you don't like it and nothing else will please you.

Away  you go with a short goodbye.
And you run back to your computer the technical mistress with the wicked hold.

I tire of waiting for your return and get sleepy and lonely even though your only a room away.  

"Goodnight darling" I say head upstairs
"I was just coming back!" But you don't even turn your head to look my way.

I don't believe you anyway and I am tired of begging for a little bit of your time.

I want to sip a cold drink out a coconut shaped cup.
Laying in a hammock in the shade.

Beautiful endless beach.

Water rushes in over my feet.
I grab your hand and pull you into me.

I kiss you softly as you touch my face.

I hold you and whisper into your shoulder..
"I don't want to go home, lets never leave"

Looking in your eyes I can see you feel the same.

We found personal paradise away from everything.
Nobody can take it away or separate us now.

It's just you and me.

It's exactly how we want it to be.
I love you here now and always.

They smile at me sincerely.

They all think I am a well behaved woman.

Nobody knows.

It's all my own.

Delicious secret .

Fine wine is the taste of my lovers lips.

Pulled the shades down tight.

How could I love so much?

Oh little boy blue what now will you ever do?

She's gone and left, not a word to you.

Off into the world to be alone.

Who is left to blame?

Throwing punches alone in the dark.

You got yourself in this mess.

Little boy blue don't cry , you chose this path and made it your own.

Got it off your chest and you feel better but it's no good.

She told you lies.

She hid the truth.

You got nothing to lose.

Can't stand her voice or her choice.

How could she do this to you?

Oh little boy blue, what will ever become of you?

Stealing kisses while you looked the other way.

She was wretched and you needed her not.

Off to sleep now darling Little Boy Blue, the stars they will take care of you.

Hey dance with me

Can't leave now the party just started

Lost here in private jokes

Stolen glances

I can taste your heartbeat

I can hear your blood rush to your face and color it red

Everything is so exciting here and I don't want to leave

It's getting a bit late

Your hand touches mine for the 1st time

I hope this never ends

So happy here

I don't owe you and you don't owe me

Tell me your favorite color

So that guy is your brother

You love this band

That girl makes you sick

I take a swig and pass you the bottle

Lets just stay here where everything is safe

Please don't let me leave

Cause I don't want to go

Want to dance here with you forever

Like the sting of a bee

Scrape on the knee

You walking away from me

Like the heat of the afternoon sun on the sand

When you let go of my hand

You fell , you fell so hard

Turning your back on me

Like the ***** of a pin

The game I played all night and didn't win

The words you didn't want to hear

Like losing your voice and having no choice

Sudden light in the darkest of rooms

Bite of a dog

Snap of a bone

Running into walls

Unanswered calls

Shrill voices

Open heart surgery

Nothing hurts like loss

Who are you to ride in on your white horse and just ask me to leave?

Your the other half of me and that's more then I deserve.

I have been locked in this tower long.
I am afraid of the light and the truth is good enough just isn't going to do from now on.

His hands wrap around my heart.
How could you both pick me?

I am not a princess.
I am a toad.

My heart is breaking and it's not fair.

I shouldn't be able to love you both.
But I do , oh but I do.

It's tearing me up and I cannot choose.
I tried not to decide and that became the decision.

I am not innocent and I am covered in filth.

Maybe now you see, how truly ugly I can be.

Please don't stop loving me.
I need to much from him and he needs me.

I feel ugly to my bones.

I hurt the one I love the most.
And I chose to.

I must being going crazy.
I think I am losing my mind.

He picked me when nobody else would.
And you did too, but you were late.

I wanna fold up inside.

Just keep me locked away.
Because I keep making mistakes.

I'd rather die then hurt anyone.
And you asked me to choose.

This fairytale is rotting away to show the nightmare beneath

I am so tired of myself.
I am nothing but a evil sorceress.

My charm is wearing off and I am growing tired of my shields.

Our first kiss was while we were young, wild and free.
Driving around in your car, singing along to your favorite songs.

Nights like this I think back to the sweet perfection of new love.
Watching the rain roll down the window like so many tears.

Things have changed so much but we stayed the same.
We could have been so much more.

You know you and I , we could have ruled the world.
We put everything to fire and keep it burning up.

Late night drinking in my mommas driveway.
Talking about the truth and how it's everything and everything is now.

I know you're sorry we couldn't be more then star-crossed lovers.
We stole our time together and we used it well.

Vivid playback of the best firsts I ever had.
Everything so natural even though my body shook like leaf in the wind.

So scared , we knew it wasn't meant to last.

Lightning strikes in the distance, crackling like a laughing old witch.
Off you drove into night, hoping things could go down without a stitch .

You always told me to go but you knew well you wanted me to stay.
You're upset and I don't know what next to say.

Old flames tend to burn things to the ground.

I am not sorry for my choices they served me well.
And one day I know you will say the same.

Nostalgia it's worn off and I am but an old lady telling a tale.
Rocking in my chair smiling at the memories and what you meant to me.

Ever stable, solid and true.
We weren't always this way.

Nothing in this world is perfect except my quite time with you.
You hold me in your arms and it's always a perfect fit.

I love the way you smell and how you softly kiss the top of my head

And when your gone away, I can't sleep for a couple days.
Missing you is not easy.

I need your smile filled with the warmth of knowledge of my quirks.

You say we are just comfortable with each other.
This is true but how could it be a bad thing?

A few times long ago you cut me off.
I thought I would die, the world was so dark without you.

The last time I found another to comfort my broken soul.

It didn't work for long, it was doomed.

Somehow you took me back and held me tightly this time.

I was lost for awhile and you didn't know how to find me.
But you noticed and that seemed to be enough.

You talked to me so calmly so sure I was leaving you for another.

How could I do that to you?

My 1st love should be my last love and that's the way I have always seen it.

It's not his fault, he lost me long ago.
But **** it if he doesn't try.

He looks all the time for the perfect things to say.
He opens his heart like a book.

It's not right he finally can trust.
All I have left is lust.

I want to be there with him, his lovely eyes.

He has the warmest smile.
Gives the best hugs.

Standing face to face with a million miles between us.

Kissing the top of my head

He says I stopped fighting for us.
I was always the one who could see.

What am I supposed to do now?

I want to want this again.

As I turn to walk away something tugs me back.
Tells me to stay, it's always this way.

I can't give up.
So I give in to this.
To us.

Can't believe I have been so lost.

Look into his crystal blue eyes and I am found.
He holds me so perfectly still.

Such a sunny funny face.

It really lights up this cold dark place.

"Oh my darling I love your funny face"  He says

Before she got here there were no colors and it rained every day.

He lays his head in her lap so he can see every inch and never miss a single word.
Catch every smile and every tear.
He doesn't know why but he never lived before he saw her eyes.

She is sleeping on the couch and the sunlight warms her face and lights her hair.

She always smiles in her sleep.

He wonders what she is dreaming.

Should he take her upstairs to her warm bed?

Instead he leans over and kisses her forehead while covering her with a blanket.
" I love you sunny funny girl, sweet dreams"

I miss your smile.

I hate the things we said we were going to do that never got done.

I hate the way everyone knows a different side of you but I only know everything else.

I wish you were here and laughing at me being so crazy.

I miss the man you became.

Why did you have to go?

Why didn't it hurt me like it hurt everyone else?

Are you an angel watching from above?

Do you sit poised ready to hunt and taunt playing jokes and shooting things past me ?

Sometimes I swear your standing right next to me arms crossed unmistakable grin plastered on your smug face once more.

See, I do miss you every single day.

Bet you thought that's something I would never say.

Cat and mouse you say.

That is how we play.

Night after night.

I fear nothing but I fear breaking you.
I am breaking through.

You say I am really a piece of work.

You only want to want me like no one before.

But I won't let you have this hazy dream.

Your anger surprises me as if I didn't already know.
We are never going to be more then you let us be.

I grow tired of the games.

I just want safety in which to let my heart go.

Your sickened by the thought of how much with love my heart grows for him.
He always wins because he knows how to be here.

It's not my fault this scared you and you can't help but run away.

I will never be any other way.

Yes the thoughts of us  are sweeter then anything I have ever known.
But they have become hazy like a dream.

You can't put me on the shelf to play with when you get home like your favorite toy.

I care too much and I dream out loud.

The softer side of you has me twisted around your little finger.

But it's not enough, we both know it's never enough.

Your not real to me anymore.

And this toy heart of yours fades to black when your so far away.
The shop is closed and there is nothing left to say.

Tired of myself , tired of being of the two sides of me.

One side loves the one stable and true,The other loves the danger and strength and full acceptance of another.

Impossible to choose,  don't want to hurt anyone.

The impulsive side thinks the danger is close, If we could be anything but bored right now.

Don't want to lose everything we worked so hard for.  
Thinks she really earned his love in spite of himself .

Sometimes she just wants it to be OK no matter what we say or do.
To never hurt a tender heart with unprepared words or her true self coming through.

Never thought she would be loved this much by one let alone two. Did nothing to deserve it.

She wants to dance a slow dance and drink in thoughts of true love from both washing over emotions.

Loving both in different ways, maybe in another world having nether.

Two Princes who stand ready for her.  Wanting only to run away from the cerebral and follow the heart.

Steam covers the mirror once more losing sight of herself.

so much to say
not finding the words

so few things but so many

a lot of time is running out

inside the outside
so light in this place I can't see a thing

outgrown my tiny world

maybe it's so exciting that it bores me

flipping out while keeping my cool

We met by chance, smiled at me across a room.

Bluest eyes I have ever seen. Wouldn't look away.

Strong handshake, beautiful hands.

Red hair did me in.

Held me in his arms and got into my heart.

Told me he loved me on a rainy day when I was ever so far away , wanted me to come home right away.

8 years later and still makes me smile.

Even now I have no idea where anything is going and everyday is brand new.

4 years later will you still feel the same?

Will he grow tired of my face, will someone sweeter take my place?

I wanna love you forever but I don't know how.

Maybe I am broken and these words need not be spoken so I wrote them down to keep my silence.

I could never hurt another soul , I have done it before and it hunts me still.

Nobody deserves to be crushed , I've been crushed, been crushed by you.

I just wanted to pretend we could go back to the beginning .

Start old love anew , like it never hurt , like you never cried, like my black heart was alive.

I just wanted everlasting love and the stars to aline and to frozen forever in time.

Thaw my cold heart please , be that sweet.

Hold me like you don't want to let go, kiss me like it's never ending.

Smile like I am not just the girl you should want that looks great on paper .

Forever seems so long now, baby if I am alright then why does it feel all wrong?

Just tired of being owned , dying to be free. If you could please let me be.

I know the reckless wild girl still holds your heart and if you say you don't care a million times  your crystal blue eyes never lie.

I just want your life to be good and maybe I am just safe but you need danger.

We looked like a love story in some cheesy movie and then it fades to black.

The End

Laughing and skipping, running until I am out of breath.
Spinning until I fall on the grass.

Rolling down the hill in my nice clothes, chasing my little brother and sister.

Eating fresh green beans straight off the plant. Sharing a tomato with the dog.

Staying up late giggling. Mom yells "GO TO BED!" at least a dozen times.

Playing tea party in the basement in roller skates.

Waking up every day to sun shining in my window in my room with the huge mauve flowers.

You whisper "goodnight princess" and warmth fills me

Even when you’re far away I feel you near, it’s like your right here.

You told me you love me and there is nobody else like me.

You wiped my tears and wished me an eternity of happiness even if I can't be with you.

Your closer then close and further away then the moon but it's all the same to me and you.

So goodnight sweet distraction, good night sweet Prince and all your dreams may they come true.

Goodnight Prince Charming goodbye is never enough and rockets red glares shine not as bright as your soul.

After it all
After the mess
After the hurt

I am still standing here cold and broken

I never mean to hurt or to let you down but I do every time and I am sorry in every way

I have given you my best all these years it's just so sad for you that the worst finds its  way in as well

After the pains
After all the strains
After I wipe away my tears

The guilt sets in and I am not good

Maybe we need a little time
Maybe we need to talk it out more

I have a feeling all I need is a few moments alone with you in your arms

I am so sorry my love for hurting us this way

I am skin and breath
I am soft to the touch

I am anger and wrath
I happy and I am sad

Through it all I love them all.

I sit and watch them rise and fall

I am me and I am not sorry