It’s been another year
of loving you
of hating you
and trying to forgive you.

I've hated you for a lot of things over the years, but for few things as much as this.  I hate you for making me say goodbye to you, again.
You must not understand how hard it was for me to say goodbye the first time.

For a long time, I hated you.  I hated you for not loving me like I loved you.  I hated you for making me stand by and watch you with her. I hated you.

Then I let you go.  I let you go because I needed to move on.  I let you go because I didn't like who I was when I was with you.  I let you go because I couldn't take it anymore.

Then you came back.  I still hate you.  I hate you for being selfish.  I hate you for making me question how much I have changed since you left.  I hate you for making me miss you again.

I'm waiting to be indifferent.

I would do anything for you, and I always thought that you would do the same for me. But now, I'm not so sure.

I'm full of doubt. I'm terrified. Terrified of losing the person that's the most important to me. I want to run, like I used to. But I'm in too deep.

I am all in. I opened myself completely to you. You've seen parts of me that no one ever has. And you brought out the best in me.

I don't know what changed, but I want it to go back to the way it was.

I told you that I was broken
That I didn't do this often
That I didn't believe in love.

But I loved you with an incredible love
It was a once in a lifetime love
A love I never wanted to give up.

I wish I could take back those words
The beginning of the end
And just go back to the way it were.

I feel broken again
The urge to run returns
And I'm afraid you won't chase me.

37 seconds
that's all it took before I hung up the phone
that's all it took for me to see that you didn't care
at least not like you used to

so much silence
normally our silence is comfortable and filled with love
normally our silence breaks with laughter
but not this time

we said that we were ok
we said that we were gonna be fine
so how then does everything feel so broken

There is something so poetic
and humbling
about an old man playing with hot wheels cars
to pass the time,
to forget about growing old,
to forget that he forgets everyone around him,
even those that used to be everything.

It's peaceful and innocent,
and child-like.