suspended between two temporary homes
one swallowing me whole
and one,

it's been so long
it must be perfect

except for all the sadness
that has brewed inside
those deep crimson walls
where my bed no longer resides

when i break free of this
intoxicating city
i'll be thrown onto
air mattresses
and unfamiliar couches

but i will be happy
will i be happy?

i can never tell anymore
i don't remember just exactly
what this was all about

you lay in my bed
for the first time in weeks
and the first thing
you want to talk about
is the end

not what you ate for breakfast
or how you love
the way the my fingers look
holding onto your chest

not that you had fun
at the concert last night
and you liked the tea they served
in the cafe next door

not about how
your mom used to sing
"you are my sunshine"
to you every night

no none of that
you want to talk about how
in just a few months
everything we've built
will come tumbling down

how in just two seasons
our hearts will be
straining across state lines
to love each other

but i want to talk about
the way your hair
has been sticking out in tufts
ever since you shaved your head

i want to talk about
the way you
chew on your tongue
when you're about to fall asleep

they way your almond shaped eyes
close when you try to remember
what song your favorite
artist opened with

i want to talk about now
and here
and us
being

tangled pieces of fabric
are tossed throughout the bedroom
I've been stuck in since my fourth birthday.

I want to leave this city
but the streets are lined with us
and our memories

And your heart is here
and I know it will never leave
My heart longs to be with the ocean
beating simultaneously with
the waves against the sand.

My heart lusts after a dark green forest
not these gray streets
with air that glows a constant dusk.

But as long as you
are in this ******* town,
you are my ocean
and you are my forest.

Because my heart is dependent
our capillaries and arteries
intertwined
beating together
a constant rhythm between us

and i am scared to rip these tendons
i am scared of the blood that will be spilt
the tears that will fall
i am afraid to live without my heart

Last night you told me that
you don't want to go to school anymore
and i've never loved you more.
Your life is better than college
your life can grow past purchased
knowledge.
You are so full of light
and i would hate it to be contained
within mason jars.

I don't know if I'm sad about it
but I want to be there.
I want to be there when you get what you want
I know it will happen.
I want to be there when you don't
I want to be the one who helps you through.

I want to hold your heart in mine
until our lives decay

i've been dreaming a lot during the day
and less and less while i sleep
i've been thinking a lot about your fingertips
and the way that they're shaped like the end of a butter knife

i've been walking around my living room in circles at night
losing my mind somewhere between the sofa and the out of tune piano
i've been staring into the sun for hours in the morning
staying in bed and dreaming of daylight that never fades

i've been kissing your eyelids in my mind
while your eyes are open and laughing somewhere far from me
i've been humming the tunes of my past
now my bird is too and i'm afraid i'll never forget

snowflakes hung from the ceiling by string
melt into puddles on the floor
and
let fallen tears go unnoticed.

my eyes are heavy
my head is cloudy and sad
it was a long day