sometimes i fear i won't make it to old age.
what will give out first
my mental or physical state?
why is my body deteriorating
at the age of 17?
i feel trapped.
i want to go out and experience all that life has to offer
but i can't quite find the way how.

my body is my home
my legs carry me on days i do not feel like walking
my feet keep me planted
on days when i feel like flying away
flowers are growing here
they've definitely been watered enough
my stomach rises and falls when i laugh
it contains butterflies when certain people walk by
it harvests hope
my scars
remind me of where i have been
my heart has been broken many times
but it keeps beating
so do not say that i am not strong
i have lived in this home for 16 years
my skin has not abandoned me
when everyone else has
my bones
have not forsaken me
my heart
contains so much love
yes i have pimples on my face
but instead of pointing out my flaws,
why don't you ask what has stressed me out to cause them
instead of telling me about my worry lines,
why don't you ask what causes them
my stretch marks represent my growth
my eyes see
they have seen love
they have seen hurt
they have seen loss
and heartbreak
but they keep seeing regardless
i do not blink away the pain
people say seeing is believing
but by faith i believe
so all glory be to God
He is the one who keeps me strong
they say eyes are the window to the soul
so let me tell you about my soul
i see the beauty in everything
i put my heart into what i do
i have passion
i am not lighthearted
i take things to heart
i'm honest
i trust too easily
but it's hard for me to forgive
i can be impatient sometimes
i'm complicated
i worry too much
i am not an easy person to love
and i wont try to convince you to love me
because i love me
at the end of the day, all i have is me
and my body is my home

you are a ghost
roaming around these halls
i can see how hollow you feel
you are trying
that is what matters
but when you retreat back into that black pit of despair,
it hurts me and everyone you love.
i know
that this is not easy for you
you have been struggling for years
i wish you were well
i wish you could climb out and see the light of day
get better soon dad.

my life is in shambles
i've forgotten how to live
i hate to
regress
but here i am.
i think that i stand in the way of my own happiness

i want to leave this town
where everyone is intertwined
and i feel unwanted
where i see the faces
of the people who hurt me everyday
i want to pack my things
and go someplace
where nobody knows my name.
i want to tell my mom how i feel
but i don't want to scare her.
i know it was ******* her
when she saw how the world had hurt me
and how i hurt me
i did not intend to hurt her
i love her
i want to get better so she can be happy
i don't want to worry her.
i wish
people would not be so rude
to me
without reason.
i am tired
of fighting
i am tired
of seeing them and feeling powerless
i am tired
of how weak i feel.

i am ready to move on
i want to stop writing about you.
for all these months
i have tried to remember you
but i am ready to forget.
so i hope that this will be my last poem about you
but i cannot promise that
because you always find your way back into my mind.
but this time
i am ready
i will move on
i will come back better and stronger.
you will no longer have a hold over me.
goodbye
and good riddance to you

i stayed up late last night
tossing and turning
i couldn't sleep
i could not stop replaying
the memories of you and me.
i searched everywhere
but i must have deleted the videos.
i long to hear your laugh
or see that cheesy smile you used to wear.
i want to feel your warmth
and feel safe in your arms again.
but the truth is
you are not an angel
you are a demon
sent here to destroy me.
to rip my heart out of my chest
while pretending to care.
why do you wish
to tear me apart?
i just want to sleep again
but you flooded my brain
so here's to another sleepless night.