So I'll dream of us together
Or just how I wish it could be
And all that you are
Will remain the silent part of me

Standing tall with this hands behind his back,
Entangled together, quivering for a thrill
Tyranny carved into his mind
Eyes locked, craving and yearning,
For vicious power and complete corruption.
It's only what a cold person would want,
Cold eyes, cold hands, a cold presence...
A dark evil
That speaks for itself
Its own brand of cruel,
Where there's no such thing as a weakness.
It’s the kind of brutality that should have no control
But did for so long...
Without notice
His existence killed,
Make the veins rush through your body by just the thought
Of people trying to find the oxygen that he wouldn't dare to give,
But filling their lungs with gas instead
With those unforgiving eyes,
That could shutter
And those corrupt hands,
That could destroy
17 million innocent lives,
Gone forever
All because
Of a forbidden evil,
That lies in the ground,
Buried but existing.

Fiddling with my pencil
Burnt out from my morning wake and bake
Hoping the professor won’t notice, or care if they did
I try not to make eye contact, or get too close
So they don’t realize that I have no idea what they’ve been saying
For at least the past 20 minutes
Looking at the clock every thirty seconds, I’m shaking my leg
A minute can feel like an hour when you’re just waiting to get out of that seat
But the clock keeps ticking as the lecture starts to sound like music
Music in an elevator, or a waiting room
Music softly coming from your roommate’s bedroom upstairs
I start to doze off again, thinking about what I’ll do when I’m home
Smoke a spliff and watch SVU, or maybe a comedy if I’m in the mood
That goes on until I do my homework, which I then get into autopiolet mode
Reading useless articles, writing long assignments or 20 page research papers
Wait, I wonder what I got on my test last week…
And why the hell is it taking so long for her to grade it? So irritating.
Working so hard to make an assignment golden
When it’s just considered “work” to someone else in the end.
I don’t want to write this paper when I get home
But it’s due tomorrow, so what’s a stressed student supposed to do?
You can’t forget about it, or simply not hand it in. This is my job.
Okay, I’ll see you guys on Wednesday. Make sure you’re ready to talk about chapters 60, 78, 79, and 81. Be ready to talk about them during our discussion, thanks.
Oh ****, class is over. I shake my head to drag the thoughts out of my mind
Grab my jacket and bag to scurry out of class
I guess time goes faster when you’re not counting the seconds
Or staring at the clock
Or checking the phone every five minutes
You’re either invested in time, or not paying attention at all
Until it’s over
When class is over,
Or the weekend is over
Or when college is over.

Driving down the highway,
There are a few more exits
Until I’m home
But without realizing it
I end up
At the door to my real one.
I memorize his face
Watching the happiness in his eyes
I start to swim freely and unafraid
In an ocean blue,
I’ve always had a phobia of swimming
In waters like the ocean
But not in his.
My frail body wrapped in him
Like we’re a present
That’s just for me.
It’s like Christmas morning
That feeling you only get once a year
But I get to feel it
Every day.
I never thought
That two twisted minds
Could entangle
So well together
That two complete strangers
Could suddenly submerge into one
And I never thought
I could finally admit
That I deserve this.

This is how you get thin; this is how you get even thinner; this is how you tell yourself to be skinny is to be beautiful; this is what you eat; this is what you don’t eat; this is the proportion of food you are allowed to eat; this is the proportion of food you are not allowed to eat; you can have one serving per meal a day; unless you have the bracelet, of course, that allows you to eat as many meals as you want for being underweight; this is how you cook a healthy meal; this is how you cook an unhealthy meal; this is how you work out; this is how you don’t work out; this is how you use the weights; this is how you do not use the weights; remember not to use more weight than you can handle, work your way up to the top girls; this is how you go to boot camp every day to work off those extra pounds; this is the voice of your mother telling you that this is what you need; you’re getting heavy and need to control your weight; this is how you try even harder on that soccer field even though you absolutely hate soccer; this is how you tread water in a deep-end pool for as long as you can without drowning; this is how you work hard as hell just to make weight that coming Sunday; an empty room; the director, co-director, yourself, and a scale; how many pounds did you lose this week?; Two? Disappointing. Some of the other girls lost 10, 12, 13 pounds, as if I haven’t ******* noticed; this is what it feels like to not “make weight”; this is what it feels like to work, and keep working but never feel thin enough; this is what it feels like run drills as hard as you can just for the adrenaline; just to run for the hell of it even though you’ve always been a terrible runner; this is the constant sound of your mother on repeat; you’re getting fat; this is what it’s like to be there in spite of her; this is how you put walls up; this is how you break them down; this  is  how  you  gain  more  insecurities;  this  is  how  you  shut  them  out; to be skinny is to be beautiful; and this is  how you eventually  realize it never should have mattered at all.